People’s choices sometimes seem to come out of thin air. You are dating a beautiful girl and you think things are so good what could go wrong?
She needs time
Then boom! Your girlfriend tells you she needs some time to think. It’s a vague statement that triggers a lot of answers but is sometimes inevitable in relationships.
What does it mean? Is the relationship over? How long will you have to wait while she thinks?
Most men go on a thought frenzy when a girl tells them they need time apart for her to think. They start reflecting on all possible reasons why things are crumbling. The truth is not all breaks are a death sentence in a relationship.
In this blog, we’ll discuss what does it mean when a girl says she needs time to think.
By the end of this blog, you’ll know how to decipher subtle messages that come with your girl asking for space.
What does it mean when a girl says she needs time to think
- She’s unsure of how things are
- She’s letting you down gently
- The relationship is boring
- You have conflicting primary interests or values
- You are not on the same page
1. She’s unsure of how things are.
What does it mean when a girl says she needs time to think will depend on the girl’s gratification and satisfaction in the relationship? It’s rare for people to want to think of alternatives when they are happy with the situation.
When you’ve been dating for a while, a girl might ask for space because she wants time to rediscover herself. It’s common for couples to lose themselves in the relationship because most of the ideas and paths you take are collectively decided. A break can actually be beneficial if it serves to maintain individuality.
(If you go to a party you need to be able to grab her attention: how to get a girls attention).
On the other hand, if a girl asks for space when you’ve just started dating coach for men, that can be a sign that maybe things are moving too fast for her. Everyone has a process of dating that suits them. If she feels that the relationship is not what she anticipated, she can also ask for time to re-evaluate things.
Also, a rough patch in a relationship can trigger someone to reconsider their commitments in the relationship. If the relationship has been shaky and your girlfriend asks you for some space, things might not align in your favor.
2. She’s letting you down gently.
It’s very challenging to make sacrifices and compromises that a relationship needs to progress if you are no longer attracted to your partner. You might even feel trapped in the relationship.
A girl can tell you she needs some space if she’s planning to break up with you. It’s a time that she uses to gauge if the relationship is worth it and how she fares without you. She’s also preparing you for a life without her.
(I’d highly advise you read this article for more tips: How to flirt with a girl at the grocery store).
You’ll know if your girlfriend is letting you down slowly by how she handles herself when you are on break. If she cuts communication completely for a long time, that is a sign that the space she needed might have been permanent.
A girl that wants you will still consider you with her actions even during the break. But if she starts flirting with other guys then make peace with the idea that your time might be over.
3. The relationship is boring.
Long-term relationships are susceptible to being boring at some point. People handle this phase of the relationship differently. In this case, what does it mean when a girl says she needs time to think?
She wants to explore something different. When everything in your relationship starts feeling like a routine, minds start to wander. Your girlfriend might even fantasize how life would have turned out if she wasn’t with you.
She’ll look for space to chase the thrill of life that she desires. For instance, she loved the nightlife but when you started dating she became more of a homebody. If her lifestyle during the time apart is described by nightlife, that’s a sign that she misses who she was before the relationship.
4. You have conflicting primary interests or values.
Your core principles, values, beliefs, and interests define you extensively as a person. However, in a relationship sometimes we are required to make sacrifices or compromise to create harmony in the relationship.
(Here’s another incredibly useful article for you to read: How to attract a girl from work without coming on too strong).
A girl might ask you for space because the sacrifice or compromise that she has to make to keep the relationship is heavy. Taking time off the relationship can give her a clear mind to make an informed choice about the future of the relationship.
If you have conflicting ideas about things you both hold dear, the relationship will always experience rough waves. It is wise to have an open mind because if the girl is not willing to give up something or compromise, then it might force you to compromise for the relationship or let it go.
5. You are not on the same page.
When you are pursuing a woman, you look for any little sign that shows she’s interested in you. But sometimes you can misinterpret a girl being nice with her being interested in you. It happens to most of the guys.
A girl can ask you for some time to think when she realizes you are not on the same page. She’ll try to pull away from you to reestablish the terms of the relationship.
(Yet another valuable article for you to read on online dating: How to start a conversation on tinder).
Relationships have silent boundaries and those you mutually agree to. When a girl comes back from a break, you’ll want to know what it was all about. That gives the girl a chance to restructure the type of relationship you have and be on the same page.
For instance, she might tell you that she just wants you as friends and she would like to continue being your friend.
You’ll know you were not on the same page when you tried to escalate the relationship and she called for a break shortly after.
What do you do when she says she needs space?
One mistake that most guys would do is try to talk the girl out of leaving. It’s a mistake because the girl will be curious in your relationship what it would have been like if she took the break. It will still be in her if the reasons that triggered her desire for a break are still present.
Giving her space to think and figure out what she wants is the best approach in this situation. A girl that likes you will come back to you. If she left and never looked backed, that’s a sign that she would have still left even if it wasn’t that period.
(Sharpen your flirting and conversation skills with this article: How do you flirt with a girl).
Accept that she might not come back and start focusing on yourself. You’ll have better emotional stability to handle the outcome if you’ve accepted all possibilities. After all, you can’t force a girl to be in a relationship.
Talk to her with an intention to understand her side. You might be tempted to rant about how you are being unfairly treated in the situation.
But you have to consider the impact that the decision also has on the girl. When you listen to your girlfriend, you might understand her reasoning and why she had to take a break.
How long should you wait?
One question that all the guys who have been in this position ask is “How long?” What’s the appropriate time to give a woman to think and reflect on herself? You don’t want to be the guy that gives her pressure to give you an answer which you might not like.
How long you should wait for the girl is a decision that will be based on how you feel about the girl and how she feels about you. People can take even years when they are trying to figure out what they want.
When you have stayed for a couple of months without an answer, that will be your answer. She’s not coming back.
The question of what does it mean when a girl says she needs time to think is one that cannot be easily answered by looking at previous events. You might have been a good boyfriend and your girl still tells you she needs time to think.
A girl can have her own battle going on and taking space is a way of not dragging you into her mess. Whatever goes on in your girlfriend’s mind when she asks for a break, means it’s much bigger than what you want to hold on to.
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Iain Myles is an internationally recognised dating coach and co-owner of the UK’s largest dating coaching company, Kamalifestyles. Iain is also an internet sensation thanks to the multiple viral videos posted through the YouTube channel KamaTV, which has grossed over 100 million views.
Iain has appeared in numerous newspaper columns and radio shows across the world. He is a regular contributor to BBC Radio in the UK.