1. Not being authentic
This is one of the biggest mistakes that guys make when it comes to dating and this applies not only when approaching but also when going on dates.
The problem is that most guys tend to put women on a pedestal and give them too much importance which results in the guy acting nervous and desperate as he acts like he doesn’t want to lose the girl.
(This blog article will help you understand your partner more: How to make a woman fall in love with you).
Examples of this type of behaviour would be the “me too” syndrome in which the guy ends up agreeing with almost everything the girl says because he desperately wants to win her approval.
He may think that he is doing the right thing but from her point of view he doesn’t seem natural in how he acts and not only does she see this as weak but also she would find it hard to trust him. Women are very intuitive and pick up on this straight away.
As I mentioned already this applies not only when he first approaches her and when he manages to get a date with her. And this sort of behaviour is not what women want and is one of the reasons many guys wonder where they went wrong when they could not get a second date with the girl.
2. Not taking action
This is another major mistake with guys when they approach in that they simply don’t approach as they are too busy negotiating with themselves whether they should approach or not.
They are afraid of the girl being rude, of what to say to her, of what people might think if they see him approach the girl and so the list goes on. The simple solution is let your feet do the talking. What I mean by this is simply just approach.
The reason guy’s don’t approach is that they somehow think by stalling that they can somehow control the outcome if they think long and hard enough about it. But the reality is that they have no control over the outcome.
(Here is an insightful article on how to connect with your partner: How to win a girls heart).
Don’t get me wrong you can dress well, have an approach and conversation routine that you can fall back on but you do the best approach in the world but it will mean nothing if the girl is happily married or in a long term relationship or if the girl is rude it may simply be because she is in a bad mood in which again the guy can do nothing about.
And only by taking action and approaching will you see that even if the girl might be rude it won’t be the worst kind of scenario that you had thought out in your head and as well as that you will eventually improve and get better at approaching.
This is another big mistake guys make when approaching in that they usually expect the worst case scenario in that she will be rude and reject the guy.
Not only is this not beneficial but like I mentioned before that girls are very intuitive and the girl will pick up on his negative emotions and obviously she will feel uncomfortable as a result and will less likely welcome his approach. So in a way it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instead the guy should have a positive vision in his mind of how the outcome will go. All the top athletes use positive visualisation to achieve their results and it’s a useful NLP (neuro linguistic programming) technique that Kamalifesyles teaches.
4. Picking the right time and location
This is another factor that guys don’t look at. I have taught a lot of clients and every one of them has their own strengths and weaknesses. Many of my clients come to me looking for different things.
Some of my clients did not like bars or nightclubs but they enjoyed meeting women during the day and obviously I have had the opposite as well where I have had guys who preferred nightclubs and bars to meeting women during the day.
My point is that you should know what type of girl you want whether it’s a party girl that you will meet in a club or a down to earth girl that you might meet in a coffee shop.
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Iain Myles is an internationally recognised dating coach and co-owner of the UK’s largest dating coaching company, Kamalifestyles. Iain is also an internet sensation thanks to the multiple viral videos posted through the YouTube channel KamaTV, which has grossed over 100 million views.
Iain has appeared in numerous newspaper columns and radio shows across the world. He is a regular contributor to BBC Radio in the UK.