One of the questions that I have been asked the most is “My girlfriend cheated on me, what should I do?” There’s never an easy way to help a guy out when he’s undergoing heavy and belittling emotions.
When you find out that your girlfriend cheated, the questions in your head and the scenarios you create make the process bitter to digest. There’s nothing that inspires the fear of god in romantic relationships like the fear of being cheated on. It’s a fear that greatly inspires the choice you’ll make of a girl to get engaged with.
In this blog, I’m going to answer the question “My girlfriend cheated on me, what should I do?” It’s a situation that most guys find unforgivable even if they love the girl.
But should you always break up with a girl as soon as you find out she’s cheated? Is it a decision that should be inspired by purely emotions or logic?
The unique nature of different romantic relationships makes the infidelity dynamics challenging to approach them in a specific way. I have based this guide on my experience as a dating coach and the knowledge I’ve gained over the years. It’s not a blueprint of how to handle infidelity but it’s a beacon that will guide you to make the right decision for yourself.
1. Accept the new reality.
Accepting some things can be challenging. As a guy, you always want to see that innocence in your girlfriend’s face that she can do you no wrong. Nonetheless, accepting the new reality is one of the crucial things for a guy to do when they find out they’ve been cheated on.
Suppressing how you feel or react inspired by fear or anger, we’ll limit your ability to deal with the situation in a healthy way. Accepting things the way they allow you to experience the actual emotions that the situation triggers gradually.
It might be a challenging task, but you’ll find it easy to process your emotions when you’ve accepted what has happened. The path you want to take with the future of the relationship will also be clear because you’ll understand what you are giving and expecting from the relationship.
2. Take some time for yourself.
I can sometimes tell the despair and confusion a guy is going through when he comes to ask “My girlfriend cheated on me, what should I do?” There’s no winning in finding out that your partner has cheated. It might feel like regardless of the choice you make, the price is still too big.
Taking time for self-care and love is crucial at this point. It’s not only necessary to clear your head and calm your emotions, but it’s also to help you avoid responsibility for things you shouldn’t.
It’s normal to feel bad when you see the person you love hurting. You’ll want to alienate their pain which could guilt trip you into taking responsibility for things you shouldn’t to make your girlfriend happy again.
Taking time away from your girlfriend will reduce her influence on your decision-making. You’ll come up with a solution that’s good for you going forward.
3. Avoid blaming yourself
Another important thing to do after you’ve found out about infidelity is avoid any form of self-blame. Sometimes the thought of “My girlfriend cheated on me, what should I do?” comes from a point of self-sabotage.
You’ll ask yourself questions like why didn’t I know sooner? Am I becoming unattractive to my girlfriend? Maybe I don’t sexually gratify her that’s why she cheated.
Blaming yourself can take a toll on your confidence and self-esteem. You’ll be easy to forgive without holding your partner accountable which can make you vulnerable to experiencing the same thing.
Understand that you are human and you built your relationship on trust. If your partner cheated on you, let her take responsibility for her actions.
4. Figure out what you want
I tell guys that come to tell me “My girlfriend cheated on me, what should I do?” that they have the answers if they look in the right places.
Are you still interested in your girlfriend even with the turn of events? You’ll know that you are ready to work on your relationship if you feel you can forgive your girlfriend. It’s crucial because infidelity crushes trust which cannot be rebuilt without forgiveness.
It’s also crucial that during this period you also make adjustments that will safeguard you emotionally in the future. Understand your terms of going back to the relationship. What are some of the things you want that will inspire you to be comfortable with your girlfriend and rebuild trust?
5. Understand what the woman wants.
Most guys think that in a case of infidelity, the decision of whether the relationship continues or ends relies on them. It’s a misleading mindset that sometimes makes guys look desperate.
I usually encourage guys to find out what the woman wants after they’ve figured out what they want from their end. Some women cheat because they don’t want to be in the relationship anymore even if you are willing to forgive and forget. Some women walk away not because they don’t love you but the relationship will be a bitter reminder of their shortcoming.
Understanding what the girl wants gives you the power to make a decision that won’t haunt you in the future. One of the things to look out for when trying to understand what the woman wants is her level of remorse. A woman’s level of remorse can change a guy’s mind because it shows the woman acknowledges the damage her actions have caused.
A woman that’s sorry and still wants the relationship will do what it takes to make the relationship work again. Also, this is the best time to understand why the woman cheated because you have the emotional stability to take the details. It will help you know what things to correct if you decide to try and make it work.
6. Get advice from friends and family.
There’s always hope in knowing that whatever challenge you are going through someone overcame it. The people close to you sometimes are in a better position to give you advice that will inspire mental clarity. They don’t have the emotional investment in the relationship as you do and they want what’s best for you.
Getting advice from family and friends you trust can make you see different perspectives of how you can approach the situation. They can help you genuinely look at the pros and cons of staying in the relationship.
Furthermore, the emotional support that family and friends offer during this period can be instrumental in helping you heal and move on. The love and care you feel can combat the limiting emotions that might be triggered by the situation.
7. Consider redefining your relationship
I once heard that love was ruined by monogamy. Sex is an important part of the relationship but it’s not the only one.
Your girlfriend cheating on you can be a sign of unfulfilled sexual desire. Nonetheless, that might not mean that they are not crazy in love with you.
Understanding your partner and the value of your relationship can help you redefine your relationship. One common barrier that prevents couples from getting together after an infidelity case is a fear that it will happen again.
Redefining your relationships allows you to adjust the boundaries to be more accommodating to what you both desire. An open relationship can inspire your girlfriend to be honest about her sexual desires and fantasies. You’ll no longer see it as cheating but as a way of your partner exploring her sexuality.
8. Take a bow
Breaking up with the woman you love is never an easy choice. You invest a lot in the relationship and letting it go sometimes might seem more painful than staying. However, there are crucial things in your relationship that can push you to pull the plug on the relationship.
If you find that you can’t forgive your girlfriend for cheating, breaking up seems like the best thing to do. You’ll be unhappy and always anxious in the relationship if you constantly have to worry who she’s with when she goes out.
When a woman is a serial cheater and you desire a monogamous relationship, don’t stay thinking she’ll change. Unless you like dealing with cheating cases, breaking up with a girl that can’t be faithful will prevent the toxicity that comes with a disconnect in sexual preferences, habits, and desires.
I said earlier that there’s no winner when a relationship is falling apart. However, you always have to consider yourself. Understanding the situation and what you want can help you make a decision that will build you in the long run.
It’s also important to have realistic expectations with your partner. No one intentionally hurts the people they love just see them suffer.
Women can also fall short of their sexual desires just as guys do. Showing your girlfriend compassion when she’s beating herself for her shortcoming can inspire you to be closer than before.
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Iain Myles is an internationally recognised dating coach and co-owner of the UK’s largest dating coaching company, Kamalifestyles. Iain is also an internet sensation thanks to the multiple viral videos posted through the YouTube channel KamaTV, which has grossed over 100 million views.
Iain has appeared in numerous newspaper columns and radio shows across the world. He is a regular contributor to BBC Radio in the UK.