The Importance Of Approaching
One of the biggest issues that my clients face no matter how new they are to the dating game is approach anxiety in which is essentially the anticipation of the approach where you basically dread the outcome where you think the worst case scenario that she may have a boyfriend who might beat you up or she will be rude and tell you to leave.
It can be a crippling fear that can ruin your potential of meeting amazing beautiful women but this can be fixed easily and I will go through some of the following useful tips that I give my clients.
3 Second Rule
This is essentially when you see a girl that you fancy you approach her without thinking. Think about it usually when you see a girl that you like that you plan to approach you will usually start having a mental conversation with yourself over whether you should approach her or not.
The problem with this is that you will usually find yourself coming up with the worst case scenario of her rejecting you and you will start feeling and looking anxious as a result and even if you do end up approaching her you will probably ruin the interaction because of your anxiety.
Also the fact is that there is a good chance that she will have noticed you looking over at her and she and her friends will neither have labelled you a creepy guy or even if she did possibly like you she will be put off by your in decidedness in approaching her.
(Here’s an extremely insightful article on how to get a girl to like you: How to get a girl to like you).
Instead just approach without thinking as doing this will not give yourself a chance to talk yourself out of approaching her.
Do Not Be Outcome Dependant
It is important not to concern yourself with how girls will react to your approach. I know this can be easier said than done but that is why approaching within three seconds is so important as this will bypass your negative thinking.
When you do approach do not define yourself based on how she reacts to you if it is a negative reaction especially if it is at the start of the night when most guys will feel the nerves as you are just warming up mentally.
The more you approach the sharper you will become. You cannot control how every girl is going to react to you, some girls will be rude but that has nothing got to do with you and for every rude girl you might approach you will also meet some really nice girls that would like you and welcome your approach.
The Importance Of Reframing
In regards to my last point you should actually reframe how you view approaching women. Instead of worrying about how the interaction might go with her you should instead view the interaction as how you could improve your approaches.
Think about it what is the worst that can happen? Whatever it is, whether she or her friends might behave rudely to you, you will be okay.
(Listening to her is one step towards winning her heart. Read this to learn more: How to win a girls heart).
When I first started approaching I felt anxious and nervous but I approached anyway and yes I got rejected but most of the reasons were down to my own inexperience and the rest was down to the girl or her friend being in a bad state or humour and I am still here writing this article because I got over it and I learned how to deal with it.
So the next time you should approach to see how you can improve yours social skills, if the girl likes you and gives you her number then it is a bonus.
The Importance Of Approaching
By simply reframing it in this way this will remove the pressure on yourself and you will actually find it easier to approach.
That is the real importance of approaching as you should see it as a way of improving your social skills and evolving as a person as a result. And the more approaching you do the more options you will have.
Do you want to drastically improve your dating life?
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Emre Ilkme
Emre is author, dating coach and CEO founder of Kamalifestyles. He has written books which sold thousands of copies over a decade. Emre trained and coached many clients from all over the world and men of all ages on how to improve their confidence, relationships and dating.
He has expertise in confidence, approach and attraction and has been featured in top newspapers and radios. He is passionate on helping his clients to achieve great outcomes and make sure they are not held back by the limitations.
