Most guys don’t see it coming. You are in a new relationship and your sex life is on fire, so your mind doesn’t have room to think about sleeping with someone else. Then after some time, you see a hot woman, and these ungodly imaginations run through your head in a flash.
want to sleep with someone else
That moment changes a lot in a man and his relationship. You might feel guilty for what you’ve imagined. Have you emotionally cheated on your girlfriend?
One of the most difficult dilemmas that guys in a monogamous relationship experience is the desire to sleep with someone else while they are still dating coach for men. Does the desire to sleep with someone else mean that you don’t love your girlfriend? Does it mean that you now have to end the relationship?
In this blog, we’ll explore one of the most troublesome dilemmas that guys experience; I love my girlfriend but I want to sleep with someone else.
We’ll look at possible ways to handle the situation if you find yourself in one.
1. Don’t go into panic mode.
It’s normal to go into panic mode when you feel you are about to lose something or someone of value to you. Sometimes how you act is not always inspired by what’s actually happening in your physical world but by the thoughts that run in your head.
When you feel you are about to lose your girlfriend, you’ll start acting differently to try and save a relationship that doesn’t need saving yet. You’ll start overcompensating for having thoughts that are not unnatural to anyone.
(A great article on how to make friends with the opposite sex: How to make female friends).
Maintaining your cool gives you a clear head to take a step back and allow yourself to be logical and human about the situation. You’ll find that having fantasies about other people can improve your relationship. You’ll want to explore some of the things and who knows the impact it will have in your relationship.
2. Understand what you are feeling.
Your internal critic is likely to take a moral high ground when you think about sleeping with someone else. The natural response for a guy in a monogamous relationship would be to throw the thought at the back of their mind.
However, these thoughts will not end just by ignoring them. You’ll not feel fulfilled or completely happy in your relationship if you think you are missing out on something. On the other hand, you are likely to lose your girlfriend if you decide to act on your lust.
(A great article on How to tell if she is avoiding you: How to tell if a girl is avoiding you).
When you think about it, it seems like a lose-lose situation. Understanding what you are feeling will give an insight into why I love my girlfriend but I want to sleep with someone else.
Do you feel sexually dissatisfied or your relationship has fallen into a boring routine? Is your desire something that you can overlook or do you feel compelled to act on it? These are just some of the questions that can help you get clarity on what you are feeling.
3. Find out what excites you about the new person.
When you find yourself in the “I love my girlfriend but I want to sleep with someone else” situation, sometimes the best thing is to evaluate what excites you about the other person. Relationships are challenging and it’s unrealistic to think that your girlfriend will always satisfy your every need.
What you lack in your relationship might be the trigger of what you are feeling. For example, you meet a woman with elegant taste in fashion. If one of your dominant desires is a woman that dresses well, you’ll naturally feel some type of way when you meet a woman that fits that desire.
(Another incredible article for you to read: What to do when your girlfriend ignores you).
Finding out what excites you about the other girl can help you see how you can translate it in your relationship. Is it something that you can try with your girlfriend?
4. Know your limits
Confusion is a natural reaction when you find yourself in the “I love my girlfriend but I want to sleep with someone else” situation. Should I or should I not, is what will be repeatedly ringing in your head. It’s a constant test of your morals, values, and the connection you have with your girlfriend.
The confusion can send you on an overdrive of decisions you’ll wish you could change. Understanding your boundaries offers a good anchor when you find yourself in such a dilemma. You’ll know when the attraction is becoming a threat to your relationship because most people feel anxious when crossing the boundaries.
Also, by understanding your boundaries, you’ll reduce confusion because you know what you can and cannot do. You’ll silently have the special clause on what can make you stretch your boundaries. You’ll have an easier time understanding what you feel when you know which boundaries you’ve crossed.
5. Look for a pattern
One way to try and come out of the ‘I love my girlfriend but I want to sleep with someone else situation’ is to look for a pattern. How frequently do you feel the desire to sleep with someone else? Does it happen at a certain point in your relationship or does it come randomly?
(Learn how to draw in her attention and interest: How to get a womans attention).
Identifying a pattern can help you find a solution or make a decision. You can easily make things right if you identify that the desire for other women only comes when you have trouble in your relationship. You’ll know it’s an escape and make the right decision for you.
Also, the type of relationship you are in can be the cause of what you are feeling. Most people think that when you desire to sleep with someone else it means you don’t love your partner. On the contrary, you can love more than one person.
Although monogamous relationships are popular, it does not work for everyone. You might be the type of guy that thrives in a polygamous relationship.
6. Open communication
It will be challenging for you to satisfy your girlfriend if you don’t feel satisfied in the relationship. Your girlfriend will also feel like something is off.
For example, if sexual fantasies with another woman are dominant in your head, you’ll not be intimate with your girlfriend like before. She might think you are already cheating.
(I’d highly recommend you read this: How to move on from a toxic relationship).
Engaging in open communication with your girlfriend about the subject might not be easy. Nevertheless, it might offer the best solution for your dilemma. Open communication can highlight the woman’s side that might help you understand why you are feeling the way you are.
If the sexual attraction to other women was a result of neglect from the relationship, talking to your partner can give her a wake-up call. It also reminds you of what you have which can help you decide if it’s what you want.
7. Consider it time.
You probably understand the power of your subconscious and how they drive our primary actions. It’s amazing how what you confess consciously can differ from what you desire subconsciously.
When the novelty of your relationship dries up, it can also dry up the excitement you had in your sex life. Or if the emotional connection in your relationship has taken a beating it can’t revive itself, you might start getting attracted to other people.
(Do you want to know how to approach a cold? Read this: How to approach a girl).
Understanding when it’s time to let the relationship go can be challenging for most people. However, it’s better to be genuine with yourself and your partner about what you desire.
The feelings might never go away and you might give in to your desires. It will cause so much pain in your relationship that might destroy any form of emotional connection you had.
Final Take
Most people have reduced the faithfulness and loyalty in relationships to a genitals affair. People will consider the authenticity of your love by how committed you are to one person, especially with your genitals.
Relationships are not perfect and you’ll experience a wide range of unforeseen challenges, emotions, and experiences. When you are facing the “I love my girlfriend but I want to sleep with someone else” dilemma, first be kind and lenient with your emotions before you start exploring your options.
You’ll feel like you are lacking something if you negatively brand your emotions to get rid of or ignore them.
Do you want to drastically improve your dating life?
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Iain Myles
Iain Myles is an internationally recognised dating coach and co-owner of the UK’s largest dating coaching company, Kamalifestyles. Iain is also an internet sensation thanks to the multiple viral videos posted through the YouTube channel KamaTV, which has grossed over 100 million views.
Iain has appeared in numerous newspaper columns and radio shows across the world. He is a regular contributor to BBC Radio in the UK.
