We all tell lies to save our skin or to avoid hurting the other person; it’s a survival tool in a way. However, sometimes lies can emotionally damage the person that’s being lied to.
The emotional attachment that people develop when they are in a romantic relationship can sometimes cloud their lie detectors. There are things you’ll naturally never care to take note of when you trust someone.
However, the emotional and mental impact one experiences after realizing they’ve been lied to can be detrimental. It can affect your confidence, perception of women and relationships, and even your self-esteem depending on the intensity of the lie.
In this blog, I’ll take you through a series of ways on how to tell if your girlfriend is lying.
Understanding the signs of lies in the early stages can inspire emotional and mental stability. You’ll be able to notice the lies before they take a toll on you.
1. She’s over-explaining herself.
The first fool-proof way of how to tell if your girlfriend is lying is by how she tells her story. It’s common for couples to try and explain themselves to help their partners understand them better.
Nevertheless, when your girlfriend is lying to you, she’ll tend to over-explain herself. People tend to create ‘perfect stories’ when they are lying to you. Your girlfriend will over-explain because she’s trying to beat all the points of doubt she thought you’d have.
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The challenge here might be determining when your partner is over-explaining a situation. A simple test will be to look at how you would have responded.
For example, if the question you asked would have been easily answered with one sentence and your girlfriend spends a whole 10 minutes explaining her answer, that’s a cause for a red flag.
2. They are explosive and defensive.
People have patterns of how they respond to situations, which is why it’s easy for new people to interact. Being defensive is part of a healthy interaction because it gives you a chance to take a stand and explain yourself.
However, when your girlfriend is lying to you, she’ll be very defensive. Normally, you’ll back down when you approach your girlfriend and she becomes defensive. It makes you question whether you are right on the matter, which is usually the intention of someone very defensive.
Most people will remain calm when they know they are telling you the truth. They might even offer to be silent if you don’t believe them because there’s nothing more to say that will explain their honesty.
3. A disconnect between words and body language
It can be very challenging to spot the lies when you are only listening to what your girl is saying. However, when you have a keen interest in nonverbal communication, it becomes much easier to spot lies.
When your girlfriend is lying to you, her words will say one thing and her nonverbal cues communicate something different. However, sometimes the nonverbal cues are subtle, which is why most girls get away with their lies.
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Here are some body language tips to look out for when suspecting your girl is lying:
- She’s avoiding eye contact or maintaining it unnaturally. When a girl gives you weird prolonged eye contact, she’s trying to display fake confidence to make you believe her lie. Furthermore, most people know that avoiding eye contact makes them suspicious.
- Her nonverbal cues make you feel uncomfortable. You can know if your girl is lying to you by how you feel. You’ll be uncomfortable when you feel something is not right, which can be the nonverbal cues you’ve picked in the conversation.
- You notice she’s fidgeting a lot. Some people are not good liars and they become nervous when they lie. If your girlfriend is fidgeting a lot when telling you something, it can be a sign that she’s nervous and possibly lying to you.
- She has an unstable tone. Most people’s pitch tends to be irregular when they are lying. It’s a sign that someone is unsure or nervous about what they are saying.
- You notice that your girl is leaning away from you. It’s highly unlikely to feel safe when you are lying. Leaning away from a person is also a way of creating psychological distance, which happens subconsciously when a person is lying.
4. She reverses the situation.
You’ll know that she is hiding something if in her attempt to defend herself she returns the focus on you and blames you. That’s a subconscious response of someone trying to justify their lies to themselves. A lie is only good if the person lying manages to believe the lie to a certain degree.
When a girl is lying, she’ll want as little attention as possible because she doesn’t want to be caught in the lie. You’ll feel the need to defend yourself as it comes as a default response to many people. You’ll start defending yourself rather than getting the truth from her.
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Most girls would use something from the past to redirect your attention from her. For instance, if you confront her about flirting with another guy, she’ll remind you of past experiences, even something that you already handled and moved on from.
5. She talks vaguely.
Have you ever asked someone something and you got a weird feeling that they don’t want to tell you even though they are pretending to? That’s the same feeling you might experience when someone is lying to you.
The devil is in the details or this case lack of. When your girlfriend is lying to you, she’ll avoid telling a story with intricate details.
Your girlfriend knows that if her story is inconsistent, you’ll catch her in the lie. Giving a vague story allows a girl to filter out crucial scenes that you ought to know. She’ll also have fewer details to remember to keep her story consistent.
6. Everyone sees it apart from you.
When you are trying to figure out how to tell if your girlfriend is lying, consider listening to other people close to you. When you are in love, sometimes you’ll not even notice if the girl is the genesis of your apocalypse.
Girls have a way of getting earbuds in men’s ears when other people try to highlight a concern. She’ll make you feel that they are jealous or trying to sabotage what you have.
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Your friends and family can see through the lie because they are not emotionally attached and can be objective with the situation. Listening to them can help you become objective where you are not. However, you have to look deeper and have all your facts before approaching your girlfriend.
It’s an instinct for your girlfriend to try and impress you to maintain the relationship. That can sometimes prompt her to hide things from you that she knows will not impress you or might jeopardize the relationship.
7. They use trust phrases a lot.
You can tell if your girlfriend is lying to you by her speech patterns. Predetermined lies can be challenging to catch because of the details attached to them.
However, when you ask your girl a question she didn’t anticipate, she’ll have to create a story as she goes if she’s lying. The sneaky part of identifying the lie is you’ll notice your girlfriend is trying to make you believe the story by using trust phrases like ‘Honestly speaking, believe me, the truth is, trust me.”
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That can be a sign of a lie because she’s also trying to convince herself to sound more honest. You’ll rarely find the people that use trust phrases frequently telling the truth.
How do you deal with a lying girlfriend?
Now, the ability to detect lies is one thing but how you deal with the lie is a different ball game. It’s almost impossible to find a girl that will always be 100% honest with all her aspects. Let’s look at ways of dealing with a lying girlfriend:
1. Your instincts are the last line of defense.
Your gut instincts might have driven you to catch the lie. It can also drive you on how to handle it.
If you feel that the lie is just the tip of the iceberg, talk to your girl about it. Get the whole truth from her that can help you make an informed decision about the future of your relationship or forgiveness.
2. Create reasonable expectations
Unrealistic expectations can prompt your girlfriend to lie to you. Not every mistake your girl makes she’ll be comfortable sharing with you, especially if it doesn’t affect you or the relationship in any way.
Understand the aspects of her life that you want to build interest in and affect you directly. Letting your girlfriend also have room to live her life and make mistakes without having to feel she’ll have to be answerable to you can prevent unnecessary lies.
3. Address your doubts
The best way to deal with a lying girlfriend is by asking precise questions. When you feel that she’s lying, ask questions that address the doubts that you are experiencing.
You can ask your girlfriend to tell the story again if you are not satisfied with what you heard. It gives you a chance to clear doubt or confirm it depending on the answers you’ll get.
4. Practice emotional intelligence
It’s natural to have a roller-coaster of negative emotions when you find out that you’ve been lied to. The feelings of betrayal can make it challenging for you to come up with a suitable response.
Emotional intelligence allows you to detach your emotions when you need to find a solution that works best for you there and in the long run. You’ll understand your girlfriend’s position and the decision you are faced with. Not all lies deserve a reaction.
Now, you have fool-proof techniques that you can use to enhance your lie detectors in the relationship. However, when you notice a lie, the best approach is to be patient to confirm whether you are right and also to gather undisputed facts that will help you address it.
How well you know your girlfriend can make it easy for you to know when she’s lying. Sometimes how to tell if your girlfriend is lying lies within broken patterns in her behavior.
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Emre is author, dating coach and CEO founder of Kamalifestyles. He has written books which sold thousands of copies over a decade. Emre trained and coached many clients from all over the world and men of all ages on how to improve their confidence, relationships and dating.
He has expertise in confidence, approach and attraction and has been featured in top newspapers and radios. He is passionate on helping his clients to achieve great outcomes and make sure they are not held back by the limitations.