Hi Guys it’s Iain Myles here from Kamalifestyles.com and so today I’m going to shedding some light on how to approach women, how to cold- approach women that is. Okay so I’m going to be talking to you about the dynamics and science of a cold- approach, and I’m going to combine this with some real- life 100% legit infield footage too, it’s going to be awesome. However guys I’m going to start by talking to you about one of my recent coaching experiences whereby I’m coaching one of my clients on the One- on- One Training Programme. I think this is a useful experience to highlight as it describes what you need to do when you go out to the bars and the clubs. Okay But before we get into it, I just want to remind you of my various social media pages, my facebook and instagram pages this is, which you can follow me on – so do check them out..
So I’m going start the chat with a story because you know how much I love my stories. So I basically meet up with my client, one night, it’s actually a guy who signed up to our One- on- One Training Programme, and we meet up around a lovely area of London. You know I always do my research and have a clear idea of the string of bars and clubs that I take my clients to. So I pre- plan the absolute best experience for him. So anyway we meet up and we make our way to my favourite bar in London. And the fact that it’s summer time now I know it will be absolutely amazing and thrilling and he’ll love it. So we make our way inside the bar, we walk down a wide flight of stairs, and we finally land inside the large venue. We find it’s really busy inside, which is perfect. As soon as we get there I’m getting him or should I say motivating him to approach the ladies.
Though when I look at him I can see that he’s a little bit hesitant at the start so I take him aside and ask him if I could demonstrate the KamaLifestyles system to him and show him how it’s done, this is really to motivate him and show him what’s possible. At this stage I’m really licking my lips as I love going out and I love socialising! Especially when there’s music playing in the background, good music, that really livens up the mood and inspires me to take action!
So I’m approaching the girls – left, right and centre as I enter the bar of the venue – and we gradually make our way deeper into the venue and we find ourselves in the louder area, at the bar. As we enter, my client asks if he could get a drink of water, which is fine as long as it’s nothing alcoholic, it’s just a refreshment for him to hold in his hands. So we make our way to the bar and as I’m stood there at the bar this really lovely tall brunette just suddenly springs out of nowhere and stands next to me, she’s really energetic and jolly, and has this lovely smile which I really like. There was a moment there where I kind of forgot about my client, forgot about where I was, as the girl was really to my liking. But hey, you know it wouldn’t hurt to demonstrate to him what he needs to do so that he can then exactly mimic my actions. Guys this is the most effective way to learn anything, to watch and to mimic, as he will learn so much quicker. So she’s stood there next to me whilst my client is right behind us, staring intently. I think I started the conversation by asking her if she’s latin american, my classic line haha 😉 And then she starts laughing and tells me more about her ethnic background, which actually was really exotic and not what I expected.
So as I’m talking to her, I actually start to tease her by saying that I could beat her to the bartender, and as I do this I also lightly touch her on the arm and around the waist. This is a great way to get close to her and it’s a nice habit to get into as so many guys in clubs communicate way too far away from women. Generally when men talk to women in bars, it’s like they’re handling plutonium or something like that, and as a result they stand a distance where she can’t even hear them and they talk to her like she’s going to blow up. I actually find the sight of it really funny now.
So anyway we’re socialising together and laughing together – but then I was thinking about my client and thought to myself – this wasn’t enough I need to really demonstrate something real good to him in order to get him motivated for the night out. So as she’s ordering her drinks I ask her something, I think I told her she’s a real lightweight because of the drink she was ordering, and then she kind of smiles, we exchange a slightly longer look and then, BAM! My opportunity opens up; so I just get stuck in and I go in for the kiss right there and then, and full on. The moment was kinda off but I can literally feel the size of my student’s eye’s getting bigger and bigger when I’m kissing the girl, his eyes were wide open in shock and disbelief because it was literally like a few minutes since I started talking to her. It was really funny, I sniggered to myself. And the girl even said the moment was kind of “off” and a strange moment to kiss her but she said it in a light- hearted way – she didn’t mind. My client then whispered in my ear, saying that that was AMAZING.
Guys you won’t believe it, as a result of that the girl would not leave us alone for the entire night, which was nice. She loved hanging out with us and said she was at a birthday party, she was with a big group of people. In fact I think she brought the drinks back to her friends, who believe it or not were a BIG GROUP OF GUYS! and then came back to us. It was great because she was a lovely girl but I felt bad that my client was losing the coaching experience because he wasn’t able to get the practice. I then had a genius moment and I suggested to my client that we use her as a wing girl. So I whispered into her ear that my “friend’s” single and he wants to meet a nice girl and she said “yeah cool” she would go ahead with it as it would be fun. I thought I couldn’t be more of a genius at this stage, I knew how Einstein felt when he discovered Special Relativity haha joking. But then my client didn’t feel comfortable with this more “advanced” type of socialising. Heck I understood where he was coming from and I was kind of jumping ahead of myself as he still had some difficulty approaching a girl! I was definitely “jumping the gun” as they say. I mean he could approach but he was hesitating for far too long and you need to be quick when you go to a bar or a club, you need to be like lightening, and really try to get your energy to the same level as the venue! But yeah the chick was really cool she was hanging out with us for a certain period of time – the most tragic part was when I had to tell her that my friend and I wanted to be alone together. I couldn’t bring myself to do it especially because it’s usually what a girl would say to a guy who’s just starting out on this to blow him off. It’s that classic line that every guy would hear once in his life when he goes out. I felt so bad for saying it but I had to coach this guy so I broke it to her but she was cool with it, I got her number so we could communicate for the rest of the night and see each other later on.
So what can we learn from this? Well I guess the moral of the story is to move in quickly and try to adjust your energy levels quickly when you enter a new venue. You’re probably thinking, How the heck do I do that Iain? Well the easiest way to do it is to become part of the venue by socialising with the girls there – so force yourself to take action as soon as you get to the venue! It’s easier said than done – a good tip is is don’t put too much pressure on yourself to perform or to achieve a result. Try to come in with the agenda of keeping the conversations very very light. This kind of relieves the pressure off from yourself and makes the process of approaching, cold approaching girls that is, much easier. So you basically want to become part of the venue, and by forcing yourself to have these early interactions you will be bouncing off people’s energy and you’ll feel much more part of the environment.
Okay and precisely the same thing applies for the day time too, for those of you wanting to do some day time approaches. As soon as you get to your location then try to initiate the conversations as soon as you can. It’s even better, or should I say, I would recommend to be asking for directions and to be asking something really really indirect than to be procrastinating and doing sod all. Guys I’ve been doing this for quite a long time so I’ve got into the habit of cold- approaching on the street however you probably won’t be in my position. The whole action of you walking up to someone will feel so foreign to you, and in your brain, and your mind simply won’t be used to making those movements.
Even when you put the concept of fear aside, you unconsciously won’t be used to physically moving your body in her direction, the moment you see her. It will just seem counter- intuitive, it’s like we unconsciously know we shouldn’t jump off a cliff. So definitely take action as soon as you land at your location. In the video that I’ve posted here I approach the girl direct by saying she looks really nice and exotic. I don’t really think about how my body is going to move as I’m so used to doing this. So I don’t need to expend any energy into this and I can simply think about what I’m going to say. However when you start off you’re literally expending probably 95% of your mental energy into how your body will get there in the first place so it’s no wonder you have no idea what you’re going to say, your brain can’t physically handle it because it’s like you’re jumping off a cliff.
It’s really interesting actually, as so many people leave it down to fear! They say they’re too scared to do it. Yeah that’s true there is an element of fear but fear is such a vague term and it doesn’t fully scientifically describe the situation. Your fear comes about, is your interpretation, because you haven’t gone through the motions, your fear comes about because you don’t physically know how you’re going to walk up there. So forget about it being scary or terrifying, focus on actually moving your body there. Ask yourself and be very logical about it? Ask yourself how you can first get there, put myself into that situation? So by all means, start with something indirect and start with something which you perceive as “low- risk” if you’re having a lot of difficulty striking up that initial conversation. Then eventually your brain will get so used to it and you’ll be expending say 50% of your mental energy on your body position, which will allow you to string your sentences so much better. And of course, the key here is to keep practicing and to keep challenging yourself. I can’t or no one else can give you that magic pill or that magic formula to make the initial approaches easier. Keep trying and start by telling yourself, in fact repeat to yourself as an affirmation, that you’re going to keep this conversation extremely extremely light. This then relieves so much pressure off from you, you’re going to feel so much more relaxed.
But of course, at the same time, you need to appreciate that your body simply hasn’t gone through the motions of the approach, of the cold- approach I mean. Your brain is not used to standing there in the middle of the street, or even in the middle of the bar or club, and doesn’t know what will happen after and how things will unfold. As human beings we are always slightly uncomfortable with the unknown, there always has to be some certainty in anything that we do. But you know, after time you will get more certainty as you’ll know where to stand and how to move your body, it will all work out fine I’m telling you. Just give it a go.
Guys the biggest killer in my opinion nowadays isn’t alcohol or cigarettes, no, it’s procrastination. When you don’t take action or even worse when you don’t take the action you initially wanted to take that is so detrimental to our souls it’s unbelievable. So definitely get yourself out there, find a strong enough reason to put yourself into the fire and get your body moving. As I mentioned before a great way to go about this is reassuring yourself that the conversation will be short, it will be light, as this relieves the pressure off from you. Give it a go and let me know how you get on in the field.
Guys that’s sadly all I have for you today from me today but don’t worry as I’m going to be back as I have so much more to talk to you about. And I hope you liked the video and hope you found the advice useful. Don’t forget to check out my eBook Carpe Diem as I talk about meeting, approaching and attracting girls during the day time, it covers various elements of day time approach so you can apply it in real life. The bottom line though , is don’t be sitting around your house for too long, get yourself out there and take action. As this is the type of thing you have to experience yourself in order to learn and improve – so put yourself there , become that confident para-glider jumping off from that cliff where everything on the other side is beautiful as you realise your fears are all fictional.
Also don’t forget to follow me on my various social media pages. Today you were joined by Iain Myles and I’ll see you next time!