Blog, Featured, Personal Development, Relationships

How to stop thinking about your ex

It’s easy to impress a woman and make her fall in love with you. But when it comes to making a woman stay in the relationship, you do your best and hope that the status quo in your relationship is maintained.

Breakups can be devastating whether you saw it coming or it happened abruptly. The main reason that breakups are painful is the emotional, physical, and mental attachment that we form with our partners when in a relationship.

When your girl decides to leave, it can make you feel crippled. Where do you take the feelings and the bond that you had formed in the relationship? What will become of the dreams and ambitions that you had as a couple? How do you start over again?

The limbo that breakup leaves you in can make it hard for you to move on from your ex. It can change your personality and perception of women and dating depending on the depth of investment you had in the relationship.

(what girls think about skinny guys: Do girls like skinny guys?)

I have had the privilege to help a lot of guys with my sessions as a dating coach to overcome painful breakups.
It’s time I shared with everyone that’s reading this blog how they can overcome the belittling and draining force of breakups.

In this blog, we’ll look at easy ways of how to stop thinking about your ex.

Out of sight, out of mind! The goal of the blog is by the time you finish reading, you’ll be in a better position to take control of your life and move on.

1.    Allow yourself to feel sadness and emptiness.

It might feel like a bad idea to allow yourself to go through the pain that comes with a breakup when it has just happened. But a breakup is a loss and it leaves mixed negative feelings that might haunt you even in your next relationship if you don’t deal with them.

Most guys that can’t stop thinking about their exes are because they erased the painful breakup from existence. You’ll be stuck in a world of ‘what if’. What if I did this, maybe she’ll never have left.

Avoiding dealing with emotions and emptiness that comes with a breakup also limits you from finding a solution out of it.

(Here’s a fantastic FREE eBook for you on dealing with negative emotions: Confidence Pillars).

The first step of how to stop thinking about your ex is by allowing yourself to experience the feelings you dread. It might take longer for some than others. But as soon as you start healing from the breakup, you’ll find that you are thinking less and less about your ex.

2.    Accept that the relationship has ended.

The next step is accepting that the relationship is done. Living in denial is common especially when something you consider very painful has occurred. Most guys continuously think about their exes because they still hold on to the idea of what the relationship was.

It’s the hope that kills. If you still have hopes of amending things with your ex, it becomes very challenging to stop thinking about her. You’ll continue doing the same things you used to while in the relationship so that when she comes back she finds things aren’t that different.

(I’d highly recommend reading through this article I wrote on toxic relationships: How to move on from a toxic relationship).

Accepting that the relationship has ended allows you to restructure your life and move on. It might take time to drop some habits you had while in the relationship but accepting makes the process fast.

The sooner you accept that your ex is gone and moving on with their life the sooner you’ll start focusing on yourself and move on.

3.    Focus on building yourself.

Long-term relationships have a way of creating a dependency between the couple. A breakup makes you feel lost to some point because you don’t know how to do certain things by yourself anymore. That can make it challenging for you to stop thinking about your ex.

Returning to your default setting is the best place to start your journey to forget your ex. Redirect all your focus back to you like you did before you met your ex.

Focus on rebuilding yourself recreates the independence you had. You’ll find it easy to do things that you thought you couldn’t do without your ex.

It’s much easier to stop thinking about your ex when you’ve eliminated the dependency that the relationship had generated.

(Learn different techniques how to make a girl want you? Check this out: how to make a girl want you).

4.    Cut ties with your ex.

You cannot completely forget that your ex existed in your life. One of the main reasons that stopping to think about your ex is healthy is it allows you to terminate the influence she had on you.

It’s not easy to forget someone that you talk to on the regular. Cutting all ties with your ex can help you stop thinking about her. She’s a memory and that’s where you should let her be if you want to move on.

(If you feel you’re ready to move on I have just the article for you: How to fall back in love).

Sentimental stuff that reminds you of her such as the jacket she got you on your anniversary is not a good idea to have around. Everything that reminds you of your ex, is a possible trigger to the memories that haunt you.

Remove all the stuff that reminds you of your ex. It gives you a clean slate to start working on yourself.

5.    Remind yourself why it didn’t work.

Sometimes you are minding your own business and your mind takes you to that place where it will torture you with memories of your ex. It’s almost impossible to prevent random memories of your ex from popping up.

However, you can stop thinking about your ex by remembering why the relationship didn’t work. It will help counter the memories of your ex that can make you unhappy. You’ll find that with time, even the things that remind you of her don’t bother you anymore.

Reminding yourself why your previous relationship never worked gives you the motivation you’ll need to move on.

6.    Plan for a future without her.

People are attached to their dreams, ambitions, and goals because they give them a sense of direction in life. Couples share dreams and ambitions which can be a nightmare when one leaves. You’ll constantly think about them and what you’d have achieved.

Planning for your future after a breakup can give you a new direction in life. You’ll be happy as soon as you start achieving your new goals. It will boost your perception of self-value and self-love.

(Do you want to achieve amazing goals in your dating life? Check this out: Dating coach for men).

When you are back on the winning streak, it becomes easy to stop thinking about your ex. Your mind will be so engaged in your new direction that you’ll find you rarely think what the path you left would have been like.

7.    Meet new people.

One of the reasons that you might find it a challenge to stop thinking about your ex is because you feel stuck. Most couples become best friends when they are in a relationship. You spend a lot of time with the person that when she goes, you don’t know what to do with the extra time.

You probably think your ex is the most awesome person in the world, that’s why you can’t stop thinking about her. However, meeting new people can create a new perception for you that will make it easy for you to stop thinking about your ex.

Go out and meet new people. You’ll find friends that will fill the social void. You’ll even increase the chances of meeting the new love of your life.

8.    Understand she’s not thinking about you.

The best way to stop thinking about your ex is to understand that she’s not thinking about you that much. If she’s the one that left, she’s probably somewhere thinking about the next good thing in her life.

Realizing that you are alone, you’ll snap out of it. I am a strong believer that if you had to part ways, it’s because what’s motivating you to go separate ways is stronger than what’s keeping you together.

(Here’s a great book for you on rebuilding your self esteem: Durable Confidence for Men).

The realization gives you the motivation you’ll need to start focusing on yourself and move on.

9.    Learn to let go.

Sometimes we don’t stop thinking about someone not because we want them back but because of the damage they have caused. You might feel like your ex has destroyed how to view relationships and your trust in women.

When you can’t stop thinking about your ex because you are bitter, you’ll always blame something on her. That will make it difficult for you to stop thinking about her.

(Here’s another highly useful product on letting go: Confidence Booster).

Learn to let go of the things that happened. No matter how bad, if you can’t change it, why should it take away all your fun in life?

Don’t blame yourself for things not working out. Understand that sometimes forever comes sooner than we think. Find yourself from within yourself and enjoy life as it never happened.

10.    Don’t pressure yourself.

I said before that sometimes the more you try to forget something the more challenging it becomes. A lot of guys put too much pressure on themselves to get over a breakup. That will make it challenging for you to stop thinking about your ex because you are purposefully doing things to stop thinking about her.

Understand that your relationship took time to build to where it was. It will not be that easy to get over it in a week or a month. You’ll not put an expectation of when you’ll be over it which is healthy especially when it comes to completely getting over an ex.

You’ll be lenient with yourself when you slip and text or call her. Avoiding the pressure to get over a breakup makes it easy to get over the breakup and stop thinking about your ex.

Tip:

Don’t make your ex the cut bar for every woman you meet or date. Give every woman a fair chance to be themselves without comparing certain aspects of them to your ex.

11.    Final Take

Breakups are different and they hurt with different intensities. However, allowing yourself to come to terms with your new reality is the first part of healing and getting over someone.

You are not time-bound that you should stop thinking about your ex after a certain period.

Take care of yourself and explore the dating scene! New journeys can always be scary but you’ll be fascinated with what you find. I do hope this has given you some valuable insights on how to stop thinking about your ex.

Do you want to drastically improve your dating life?

Reach out to me today if you’d like some highly effective 1-on-1 Dating Training: CONTACT US

Iain Myles

Iain Myles is an internationally recognised dating coach and co-owner of the UK’s largest dating coaching company, Kamalifestyles. Iain is also an internet sensation thanks to the multiple viral videos posted through the YouTube channel KamaTV, which has grossed over 100 million views.

Iain has appeared in numerous newspaper columns and radio shows across the world. He is a regular contributor to BBC Radio in the UK.