Blog, Relationship advice for men, Relationships

How to stop overthinking in a relationship

It’s normal for people to have a conflict of the heart and mind. Most people overthink due to a self-preservation mechanism. You desire to know and filter negative outcomes.

New relationships can take you on a high-speed roller coaster of overthinking. You are excited about the new girl you’ve met but still, the unfamiliarity of the concept triggers you into searching for an endgame.

It is not only couples in a new relationship that are tested with the cruel hand of overthinking, but also older relationships suffer the same in different ways. Older relationships have a status quo and when things start changing it can trigger a lot of questions that can result in overthinking.

In this blog, you’ll learn different ways of how to stop overthinking in a relationship and enjoy it for what it is.

1.    Manage your expectations

Everyone desires to be in a good and happy relationship. Most of us are tempted to imagine what a good and happy relationship should look like. We start looking at what will make us happy in the relationship.

The expectations that one creates can be a double-edged sword; it can do good or harm your relationships. When you already have a relationship in your head, when things don’t turn out the way you wanted it might trigger you into an overthinking mode.

(Here’s an awesome blog article on some general relationship advice: Relationship advice for men).

Managing your expectations of a relationship and a girl you are dating gives you the power to experience the person. You’ll start seeing what’s happening in the relationship rather than a future outcome that might not happen.

2.    Learn the art of communication.

Sometimes overthinking is just the echo of our fears and insecurities. For example, you might be overthinking about your girl’s faithfulness when in the real sense you think she’s out of your league.

On the other hand, overthinking indicates miscommunication in your relationship. So, sometimes overthinking can be triggered by insecurity and fueled by miscommunication.

(I’d highly recommend downloading the following FREE eBook to boost your communication skills: Get a Girl to Like You).

You’ll have peace of mind when you understand what your partner was thinking or doing. That makes a good communication system an essential ingredient to stop overthinking.

Mastering the art of conversation will improve how you approach situations and the responses you get. You’ll know how to get the information you desire without pushing negative buttons.

3.    Stay grounded in the present.

Thinking about the future is how the human species has been able to develop over the years. However, overthinking about the future can jeopardize your relationship now because of introducing variables that in reality do not exist.

Overthinking puts you in your head to figure out what organically develops. You’ll create an emotional barrier when you overthink and feel the relationship won’t work or she doesn’t like you as much.

Grounding yourself to the present can help you stop overthinking. You’ll judge situations and events based on what’s happening now and not the unknown future.

Staying grounded to the present also allows you to experience the thrill that comes with being in your relationship. You’ll build your confidence in the relationship and ultimately stop overthinking.

4.    Understand yourself.

The best way to stop a habit that you deem as negative is to understand where the habit stems from and why you have it. Becoming more self-aware can help you stop overthinking in your relationship.

It’s normal to start thinking when you feel your relationship is drifting. However, self-awareness builds emotional intelligence that helps you to decipher if whatever you are experiencing is what is actually happening or an abstract feeling projected by your thoughts.

(Here’s another useful blog article for you on building your self-awareness through confidence: How to Build Unstoppable Confidence and Date the Women of your Dreams).

Understanding the triggers that have you on overdrive can also come about as a result of learning yourself and accepting your vulnerability in the relationship. The knowledge will give power and will to identify and avoid the triggers every time you come across them.

5.    Seek a second perspective.

Feeling that you are not understood in your relationship can make you overthink many things. Another way of how to stop overthinking in a relationship is to seek a second perspective.

It might be challenging to talk to the girl that’s the cause of overthinking. Nevertheless, explaining the situation and your thoughts to a third party can give you an unbiased opinion.

You can also seek a second perspective by detaching yourself from the situation and judge it as an observer. Removing your emotions from the situations can help you become more objective with it.

Do you feel like your thoughts are justified compared to what reality poses? Does the situation require the intensity and time of thought you’ve given it? Do you think you were overthinking?

You’ll be able to stop overthinking after analyzing your thought process and being objective with what you are facing in the relationship.

6.    Focus on the positive.

It’s rare to find someone overthinking about all the good things that are happening in their relationships if there are a few challenges. It would be nice though to just overthink all the good for a change.

But the reason overthinking has the potential to harm a relationship is because it highlights the negative. You’ll think about all the instances that your partner might have shown signs of lack of interest or anything that makes the relationship a cocktail of lemon and pepper.

(Here’s another blog article that will help you focus on the positives: Mindset Coaching).

You can stop overthinking by consciously making a decision to see the good in the relationship. People are not perfect but it’s the constant trying that displays love and value. Changing your focus can also change your mindset about your relationship.

I’ve talked in my other blogs on how to change your mindset and attract the girls you want. You can find it instrumental in helping you on your quest.

7.    Get some time to yourself.

Most people experience doubt at some point in their relationship. However, when the doubt you have in your relationship persists for long, it can make you start overthinking.

Getting time away from the relationship can help you stop overthinking about certain aspects of it. We’ve seen that emotionally detaching from the situation can give you a clearer perspective. Well, taking time to yourself can help you detach and also think about the value of your relationship.

(Perhaps you just want to move on from the relationship. If so, then read this: How to move on from a toxic relationship).

You’ll not overthink once you establish the value of your relationship and you are content with what you are getting. Also, taking time to yourself allows you to work on yourself without your partner’s influence.

8.    Work on the quality time you spend together.

It’s easy for relationships to fall into a routine. And routines fade the fire and thrill that the relationship was glowing in. The change can make you overthink because you’ll feel like the relationship is not giving you the gratification you desired.

Routine also can introduce neglect in the relationship which can make one overthink about what they are receiving in the relationship.

Spending quality time with your partner can bring back the thrill and gratification you used to enjoy before. Quality time together also allows you to know what’s going on in your partner’s life.

You’ll not feel left out and that can help you stop overthinking in your relationship.

9.    Focus on your interests and hobbies.

Most people are guilty of thinking that a romantic relationship will make them happy. That will subconsciously make the relationship with a role of making you happy when you get one. You’ll automatically have high expectations of the other person to maintain your happiness.

But it’s impossible for your partner to always make you happy. You’ll be thrown into the frenzy of your thoughts when things are not working as you feel they should.

Focusing on your interests and hobbies can take your mind off an overthinking freefall. Your mind will always be preoccupied with things that make you happy and fulfilled.

10.    Accept your control is limited.

It’s everyone’s desire to want the best outcome from every situation they get heavily emotionally invested in. However, it’s impossible sometimes to predict how a relationship will turn out because of the changes that people go through every day.

Accepting that you have limited control of what the relationship might turn into can help you stop overthinking in a relationship. You’ll accept things the way they are which can trigger develop desirable qualities in you.

(Accepting your control is limited plays hand-in-hand with your level of confidence. Reading this article will certainly help: Confidence Course).

Accepting the limited nature of your control also makes you a flexible person in the relationship. You’ll not take things personally which is a huge trigger for thinking.

11.    Remind yourself you’ll not find the solution.

Overthinking harms the relationship because it takes you on a wild goose chase to find a solution you don’t need or have control over. You’ll become anxious and frustrated because you haven’t solved a ‘problem’.

Reminding yourself that you’ll not find the solution when you are overthinking can snap you out of it. You’ll engage your mind with something else that you can actually find a solution to.

Consciously holding yourself accountable might seem harsh but it requires a greater will to go through this technique. When you have a greater will to accomplish something, nothing can stop you. Tell yourself it’s not worth it and transition your thought to something else.

Final Take

You can overcome overthinking by building your confidence and esteem. Insecurities are what takes our minds from a happy place they are present into a dark place that’s built by fear.

Preventing overthinking can make you experience a much happier and more fulfilling relationship. You’ll be present to handle actual challenges that you face as a couple and keep the relationship going.

However, if overthinking is crippling how you run your life, you can be wiser to consider a professional.

I do hope this blog has given you some valuable insight on how to stop overthinking in a relationship.

Do you want to drastically improve your dating life?

Reach out to me today if you’d like some highly effective 1-on-1 Dating Training: CONTACT US

Emre Ilkme

Emre is author, dating coach and CEO founder of Kamalifestyles. He has written books which sold thousands of copies over a decade. Emre trained and coached many clients from all over the world and men of all ages on how to improve their confidence, relationships and dating.

He has expertise in confidence, approach and attraction and has been featured in top newspapers and radios. He is passionate on helping his clients to achieve great outcomes and make sure they are not held back by the limitations.