Putting yourself out there to find love after being hurt or after a long time of being single is not the easiest thing to do. You are likely to judge everyone that comes your way. Figuring out what you seek in a partner is hard and it gets harder finding the exact qualities in a person especially these days.
However, you should know that people are different. Seeking love while your guard is up is only likely to scare away potential lovers. Best believe that you’ll increase your chances of finding a date when you choose to take the risk of putting yourself out there.
Nothing good is achieved without taking risks and the chances of generating something good while in your comfort zone are not likely to be possible. Life isn’t a fairytale.
In this article, we’ll explore how to start dating and most importantly find the right partner.
1. Get clarity on your needs
To find a good partner, you need to think about what you want. Identify the qualities you’re looking for in a person. Having this visual image in mind will guide you towards actualizing it.
Knowing the kind of partner you want by your side will guide on how to start dating. After all, it comes down to you.
Do not put yourself under unnecessary pressure by being a perfectionist. It might end up taking you a while before you find a date. Make logical needs about the qualities you want to find.
(Here’s a great article on how to avoid the friend zone: How to tell a girl you like her).
As you’re focusing on what you want, let go of expectations. More often than not, expectations bring disappointments. Learn that most things are not likely to happen when and how we have them planned to.
At some point, you might be required to negotiate your expectations. This doesn’t mean that you settle for the available, no, it means that at some point you should consider giving up the expectation of having a partner look exactly like you want them to.
2. Develop a strong network of friends
When you are looking to find your significant other, let your friends be part of the process. Having solid friends at this time is so important since they become your ‘wingman’ on social events. Having that kind of support is important as the world is wild, you wouldn’t want to find yourself stuck up with strangers with nowhere to turn to.
Your network is your net worth.
Do not be shy in letting your circle know that you’re single and ready to find someone.
(Read this article for some general tips with women: How to get girls to like you).
A strong network of friends also comes through by hooking you up with their single friends who might potentially end up being your lover.
Also, with the right network, you get exposed to many people with different personalities and approaches to life and this could contribute by influencing you about what to go for.
Lastly, chances of finding a lover from one of your friends are high too. Similar interests bring people together; therefore, you’re likely to experience sexual connection with a friend once you see them beyond friendship grounds.
3. Be open-minded
Do not let pickiness get in your way of finding someone who is truly amazing. Take this chance to meet different people before committing to one. Meet people with clear expectations and take advantage to know them beyond your ‘kind’.
Dating is supposed to be fun and casual, avoid ruining a good thing based on first impressions. When you allow yourself to meet a different kind of person, you might realize that limiting yourself only hinders you from having the best.
(Want to know where to find attractive women? Read this: How to meet women).
Learning about someone beyond what you see in them might end up being the best decision you take. You are likely to find a better match from a person you wouldn’t have considered giving a chance if you were basing on first impressing. That doesn’t mean that the qualities you admire in a partner don’t matter, it only means that you should give people the benefit of doubt before shutting them out.
4. Focus on self-love
Avoid looking for a partner to complete you, get a partner to compliment you. You should be whole before looking for a partner. By whole, I mean healed from all kinds of trauma.
You are not capable of loving another person if you don’t love yourself first. Begin with self-love and only then can you share the love with others.
What do I mean when I say focus on self-love?
- Take care of your body with a proper diet. Eat the right food, especially that which gives you the right nutrients. Avoid fats and eating sugary things.
- Remember to exercise. It doesn’t matter how good you eat, if you deny your body exercise, you remain unfit. Exercise helps you get rid of toxins in your body and controls your weight.
- Keep clean and hygienic. Bath every day and especially twice if necessary. Also, remember to brush your teeth twice a day.
- Look presentable. Looking good will have people complimenting you and some interested in you. Remember you are taking care of yourself for yourself but if potential lovers admire you, allow yourself to find love. After all, you are likely to attract admirers when you look your best.
(Do you want a girl like you? Check this out: how to make a girl like you).
5. Learn to flirt
Flirting is an art in which you connect with a potential lover on a better level. This is the best way to know if you’re compatible with each other. Your body language is the best way to flirt.
Smiling, making eye contact, will let you know how much you like them. Mastering the art of flirting will make you successful when figuring out how to start dating.
Other techniques of flirting include:
- Complimenting a potential match. Let your potential partner know what you like in them and the features that attract you to them. Be it beards or eyes, let it be known.
- Teasing and being playful. Avoid being too serious, relationships should be fun and casual. If you can’t make inside jokes, then there’s a likelihood you’re not a match. If you enjoy teasing each other, then you’re likely to be perfect for each other.
- Light touches. Touching their shoulders and knees will send the right message too.
- Asking questions. Genuine interest is not only about giving and receiving butterflies; finding out more about them is the goal. Ask about the goals, aspirations, and interests too.
6. Exchange your contacts
Consider giving out your number too. The more potential lovers you have, the higher the chance of finding the “one”. It takes courage to give out your number, however, don’t ask for theirs in return. You don’t want to come off as desperate.
(You will almost certainly find this article useful: How to get a womans attention).
Let those interested in you reach out. If they do, it is a good sign that you have chemistry with each other. It also helps to avoid entertaining jokers.
You might also want to consider putting yourself out there by joining dating apps. It might give you the experience you so desire by filtering people out depending on your expectations.
7. Make yourself available to connect
It wouldn’t make sense if you want to start dating but fail to free yourself to connect. If you can’t make time to hang out, you are most likely not ready to date. It is through creating connections that you’re able to find your partner.
Finding a soul mate doesn’t find you relaxed and putting zero effort. You have to work hard to find the one without settling for anything less than what you need.
How do you make yourself available to connect?
- Going out on dates- this is a good way to learn about each other and individual interests. While some people will have an instant connection, it might take others 3-4 dates to feel the interest. Don’t rush it.
- Attending events and functions. These are the best places to connect with people. In places like weddings, the chances of meeting your future partner are there.
- Appearing at social gatherings. Find meaningful social gatherings that you can attend and get to interact. The goal is to connect with as many people as possible through interacting.
8. Hang out in places of interests
If you want a person with certain interests, hang out in places you’re likely to find them. For example, if you are interested in a person with muscles and strength, hang out in the gym more, you’re likely to meet your person there.
(Here’s yet another incredibly useful article for you: How to hit up a girl).
Places of interest give you a better opportunity of being with a person you genuinely like. It would be rude to date someone that you constantly try to change to fit your kind. Having similar interests creates an instant connection with a person.
It would be so hard to overlook shortcomings from a person you don’t connect with but when you have similar ways of having fun, you increase chances of being right for each other.
9. Communicate your expectations
This is not an easy thing to do but it sets boundaries from the onset. When you feel comfortable with each other, talk about individual expectations moving forward. You don’t want to be led on by a person who doesn’t consider getting married while you want to marry right away.
Knowing what your partner expects of you helps you avoid disappointments. Do not be scared of talking about things that make you uncomfortable for the fear of losing a person. It is better to address important issues when the conversation is still on the table than when it becomes too late to go back.
10. Ask someone on a date
This is the hardest thing to do especially if it is your first time. However, if you never ask someone out, you might never start dating. So, gather your courage and ask someone out on a date.
(Learn how to seduce women with ease: How to Seduce a Woman).
Here are some tips to make this effective;
- Keep it casual. Going out on a date is not the time to interrogate them and learn them in one day, have fun while learning the interests of your potential.
- Be receptive. It takes a lot of courage to ask someone out, so instead of brushing someone off should be the last thing to do. Accept to go out and keep it casual, the person will read between the lines, and instead of being hurt, they will be encouraged to try finding love elsewhere.
- Also, plan for a simple date. This is not the time to make big plans. Take the chance to know this person while grabbing coffee or while taking a walk.
How to start dating doesn’t require a manual script to refer from but there are techniques that can make you a hit in the dating scene. This is because so many people find love when they least expect it.
The right thing to do is learning the techniques that can help you find a good person to date. Regardless of the pressure, you might be having to start dating, do not settle when you read red flags.
Do you want to drastically improve your dating life?
Reach out to me today if you’d like some highly effective 1-on-1 Dating Training: CONTACT US
Iain Myles is an internationally recognised dating coach and co-owner of the UK’s largest dating coaching company, Kamalifestyles. Iain is also an internet sensation thanks to the multiple viral videos posted through the YouTube channel KamaTV, which has grossed over 100 million views.
Iain has appeared in numerous newspaper columns and radio shows across the world. He is a regular contributor to BBC Radio in the UK.