Approach Women, Conversation, online dating

How to start a conversation on tinder

How to start a conversation on tinder

One of the best (and worst) things that has happened in this century is online dating. It has made meeting and approaching women so much easier. You can literally approach more than a hundred women a day from the comfort of your couch and pajamas.

However, online dating is not easy for most guys. Women are still elusive even with options of getting another woman almost immediately being high. One of the challenges that most guys are facing with online dating is starting a conversation that will materialize to a date.

In this article, you’ll get to explore different ways of how to start a conversation on Tinder. You’ll also understand the do’s and don’ts when you are approaching a woman online. You’ll also get to understand what women desire when guys approach them online?

(To understand more about what women desire you need to check this out: Dating Hot Women).

How you start your conversation online acts like your first impression of the woman you want. A woman will desire to engage you if your first impression online is impressive.

Conversation on tinder

Gorgeous women get a lot of attention from guys. They get more texts than they can reply to in a day. That means that your approach has to be exceptionally good and unique to get the attention of the woman you want.

First, let’s explore the mistakes that most guys make when they approach a woman on Tinder that limits their success.

  • Cliché texts: Most guys start conversations with “Hey, hi, how was your day, how are you?” Starting a conversation with cliché texts makes you look like the other guys that the woman will not pay attention to.
  • Long texts: It’s good to be enthusiastic about a girl that has captured your interest. But most girls don’t read long messages. You’ll lose the girl you want because she doesn’t know what you said.
  • Texts that are too personal: A good number of guys start a conversation online by asking for information that’s too personal. For example, how old are you? Girls shy away from revealing personal information to guys unfamiliar to them.
  • Texts that make her the prize: Don’t get me wrong. Women want to be treated like their species mates don’t exist. But when you put a woman on a pedestal when you start a conversation, chances are she’ll not give you the audience you seek.
  • Overconfidence in the text: Women don’t like self-absorbed guys. Being overly confident when starting a conversation can relay the wrong message.
  • Compliments on physical attributes: Compliments can be a sneaky way to start a conversation face-to-face, but it’s not a good idea online. Some women are insecure about their physical appearance even if they give you goosebumps. Also, women tend to think of guys that approach them with physical compliments, they are only after the cookie. She’ll avoid responding to your text if she’s not looking for casual fun.
  • Texting with bad grammar: Communication is important when you approach a woman online. Bad grammar and cut words can make it difficult for a woman to understand what you are trying to communicate. Most women ignore texts with bad grammar.

Now that you know how not to start a conversation, let’s look at how to start a conversation on Tinder:

1.    Find out more about the woman.

The trick to starting any successful conversation on Tinder is making yourself seem familiar to the woman you desire. Researching what the woman likes, hobbies, and interests can make you approach the woman from a familiar perspective.

(Here’s another great eBook to help you master the art of conversation: Get a Girl to Like You).

You’ll trigger a woman’s interest in you if she notices that you went the extra mile to find out more about them. The effort that you put to find out more about the woman relays to her that your interest is genuine. However,
don’t go overboard with the research as it might look like you have been stalking her.

Most women indicate in their dating profiles what they are looking for. Also, dating apps such as have in-app features that can direct you to a girl’s Instagram or social media platform. You’ll know more about the woman before you approach her.

(cute ways to ask a girl to be your girlfriend? Check this out: cute ways to ask a girl to be your girlfriend).

For example:

It’s refreshing to meet someone that enjoys collecting comics. What’s the best comic you’ve ever collected? (You have qualified her which is important when you start a conversation with a new girl.)

Wow, I see that you enjoy miniature art. I know the best gala in town that will blow your mind!

2.    Keep it simple and direct.

Let’s be real. If you meet her on Tinder, she’s trying to get a guy. Starting a conversation by revealing your intention works more magic than most guys realize. A woman will be more trusting to a guy that’s started a conversation with known intentions.

Small talk is boring but jumping to the big guns can also leave you alone in the cold. The best way to start a conversation by being direct is by making it as less sexual as possible. Most women are not that open to guys that approach them bragging about all the possible ways they can bite the cookie.

(Here’s an awesome article on what pick up lines to use on her: Pick up lines for flirting).

A simple statement of interest can inspire a woman to respond and you can build a progressive conversation from there.

For example:

I like everything I have read about you in your bio. I would like to take you on a date and know more about you.

3.    Trigger desirable emotions.

It can be easy to start a conversation on Tinder. But the challenge is starting a memorable conversation that will get you a date with the woman you desire. Evoking the emotions you desire is the best way to start a conversation online.

One of the common ways that guys use this technique is by texting something they have in common with the girl. It’s a sleek move because it makes you seem familiar.

(The importance of commonalities cannot be understated. I’d recommend you read this: How to start a conversation with a girl).

However, curiosity is the best emotion to trigger in a woman that you’ve met on Tinder. Curiosity makes a woman build possible scenarios to quench it. But she’ll need you to fully quench the curiosity.

Another way that you can trigger the desired emotion through text is humor. Everyone likes a good laugh. Starting a conversation with humor can lighten up the mood and inspire the woman to respond.

For example:

I might just have found the perfect partner. You are into scuba diving and I know one of a kind place on Earth to do that. (You have stated your intention and at the same time poked her curiosity.)

4.    Customize the message.

It can be challenging to draft a new message for every girl that you swipe right. That’s why most guys tend to copy and paste the message they sent to one girl to every girl they approach on Tinder. But that rarely works because women know when a message is generated for the general public.

Customizing a text for a woman you desire is a good way to start the conversation. Some guys prefer writing the girl’s name in the text to show the message was intended for them.

However, the best way to customize a message is by looking for something in the woman’s dating profile or social media that can be a conversation starter or the best dating coach for men.

For example:

You are very talented. How long have you been a gymnast? (It’s rare for women to avoid answering a question that pertains to their strengths or hobbies.)

5.    Challenge the woman.

Another sneaky way of how to start a conversation on Tinder is by challenging her. Most women online are used to guys telling them what they want to hear. Challenging a woman as a conversation starter is a refreshing way to approach a woman.

But the trick of this technique is challenging a woman in something she’s good at. That will require you to understand the woman slightly.

(Also, you don’t want to come across as too needy either. This article will help you address that: How often you should text a girl to keep her interested).

Challenging a woman in something she thinks she’s good at will evoke some competitive emotions which are still great if you can connect with it.

For example:

You have the coolest backpacking destinations. But I bet mine will blow your mind away. (You have challenged her hobby and also shown her what you have in common.)

6.    Understand the clock works

Timing is important when you want to know how to start a conversation on tinder. When the swipe surge is high, gorgeous women get a lot of messages from guys. The woman you desire might not see your text amid hundreds of new texts.

Also, it will be challenging to get immediate feedback when the swipe surge is low because most people are not online. The girl might not see your text and by the time she’s logged in, she has a stream of texts awaiting her.

The best time to start a conversation with a girl you like on Tinder is when the swipe surge is about to peak. You’ll be guaranteed that the girl will see your texts and most guys that want her will not have flooded her inbox.

7.    Ask a question

When you are a match with a woman on Tinder, it means that she also likes something about you. That’s a great place to start a conversation. Asking questions is a sneaky way to start a conversation with a girl you’ve matched.

Women enjoy talking if they can get someone that can listen. Asking a question about something the girl is good at will give her an opportunity to talk about herself.

One instrumental benefit about asking a question to start a conversation is you can choose the tempo the conversation will kick off with. Controversial questions can get you on a heated topic then cool down the tempo and get the girl where you want her. You can also start slow and build up.

(Starting slow and then building up is the key to seducing women. If you’d like to learn more then read this article: How to seduce a girl).

One thing to be careful about is asking personal questions that a woman might be tempted not to reply to. Personal questions seem intrusive when you’ve not built your relationship to a certain level.

Breaking the ice with a woman online is never easy. However, you can improve your odds of getting a woman on Tinder by building an interesting and captivating dating profile.

Most women will visit your dating profile once you’ve texted them. However, a lot of guys don’t get replies because the woman didn’t find anything of interest to her in your dating profile. A woman will try to engage you when she feels you are a fun person to be around.

P.S. Reach out to me today if you’d like some tailored 1-on-1 Dating Training: CONTACT US


Iain Myles

Iain Myles is an internationally recognised dating coach and co-owner of the UK’s largest dating coaching company, Kamalifestyles. Iain is also an internet sensation thanks to the multiple viral videos posted through the YouTube channel KamaTV, which has grossed over 100 million views.

Iain has appeared in numerous newspaper columns and radio shows across the world. He is a regular contributor to BBC Radio in the UK.