Alpha Male, Blog, Dating, Relationships

How to pick up women at a bar

How to be more confident with women

The bars are the hunter’s den. It brings both sexes together in a jolly mood and that gives the perfect chance for men that have mastered their art to call checkmate. Nevertheless, the majority of the guys that go to the bar intending to pick up women don’t get successful in their quest.

A common aspect that contributes to this lack of success when thinking about how to pick up women at a bar is the approach. “Can I buy you a drink?” Showing dominance immediately you approach a woman triggers a lot of resistance.

How to pick up women at a bar

I have seen guys that had all the right cards to get a woman they wanted and they let the woman slip by. And I have seen guys that beat the odds and walk out with the woman they wanted.

One of the interesting things about my career is I get to observe how men maneuver their interaction with women. When you are watching a guy that’s good at picking up women, it will be a perfect blend of displaying power and showing an intricate level of delicacy in how he handles things. I have been studying how men pick up women at a bar. The guys that were successful to pick up women had some common qualities and approaches.

In this blog, I’ll show you how to pick up women at a bar. You’ll also get insights into what women look for when they are checking out guys at a bar. And what you can do to hook her attention on you and potentially go home with her.

1.    Spot the woman you want

We all want the finer things in life. But that can be very slippery when it comes to picking up women at a bar. One of the most important parts of how to pick up women at a bar is knowing how to spot the right woman for you.

I was hosting one of my Webinars a few months ago on alpha communication and approach. I asked the guys, how they know this is the girl I’m going to pick up at the bar, and most of them said the most beautiful girl. While that’s a good answer it might not inspire your success.

When the lion is hunting, it isolates the prey it wants from the herd. And the lion’s success is determined by the prey’s weakness and the lion’s strengths. The ability to be able to spot a woman that fits your strengths can make you more successful in picking up women at a bar.

For example, if you are drinking beer and she’s drinking one of the expensive whiskeys from the top shelf, you are likely to struggle more than you deserve to get the girl. Or you approach a girl that’s gorgeous but drowning herself in liquor, it will be challenging to hold a good conversation.

Spotting a woman you want first allows you to take time and assess her. You’ll have a better chance of scoring a girl you have an idea about rather than walking in like a stranger.

2.    Have a good wingman

When you are thinking of how to pick up women at a bar, you also have to think of a good wingman. Approaching women at a bar leaves little room for mistakes. The women are extra cautious because they know all guys will be on them, and they want to get the best of the best.

A good wingman skillfully probes the woman you want to give you an advantage when you engage the woman in the conversation. Most women grow comfortable talking when they know the intention of the guy is friendly or casual. The lack of emotional stakes the wingman has with a woman makes it easy for them to have difficult conversations casually.

The chemistry that you have with your wingman will also be crucial to your success. Skilled guys use the wingman to test the water before they escalate things.

Bartenders can be excellent wingmen when you are alone at a bar and you’ve spotted a girl you like. Also, if she’s a regular, he probably knows one or two things about her that could help you in your game.

3.   Creative conversation starters

You’ll not get much airtime to impress the girl you want at a bar. When you approach a woman at a bar, you better have something impressive to say than what the DJ is playing. It will be smooth for you to master how to pick up women at a bar when you have creative conversation starters.

Most guys approach women at a bar with a compliment or offer to get her what she’s drinking. That’s a normal Gary’s move, and being just another guy will not cut it in a place all guys have their A-game on.

How to pick up women at a bar

Creative conversation starters can be situational or pre-planned stories. For example, when a woman you want spills a drink on herself, that provides a perfect chance for you to swoop in and become a hero.

Or you can approach a girl and tell her “It’s crazy what the guy outside was doing.” She’ll be curious about what that guy was doing and you could come up with a story that will make her sip her drink looking at you.

4.    Aim for a good time

Girls come to the bar to have fun or find an escape. Whatever the case, you have the odds in your favor if you can show the girl a good time.

One common mistake that guys make when they approach women at a bar, is to make the conversation revolve around scoring the woman. Beautiful girls are used to having guys put them on a pedestal and you’ll be just another guy.

When you are having a good time, you’ll attract people that want to have fun. Where there’s more energy and enthusiasm is where you find more people.

In addition, when striking a conversation with a woman you want to pick up at a bar, the best technique is to make her part of the conversation rather than making the conversation about her. Most women shy from opening up when the focus is on them and they haven’t developed the comfort around you. You’ll have a difficult conversation if you make everything about the girl.

5.    Be a gentleman

A foolproof way of how to pick up women at a bar is being a gentleman. Some guys take the idea that women love bad boys literally and start behaving like jerks.

When you approach a woman at a bar, you might check all the boxes for her but she’ll be more focused on how you treat other people. She’ll look at the way you treat the waiter, bouncer, bartender, and how you handle situations with other people during your interaction.

A gentleman inspires a sense of security which will make the woman comfortable around you. I bet she’ll find it very difficult to go anywhere with you if she saw you choking the waiter for spilling a drink on you accidentally.

Although most guys don’t go to extreme levels, subtle acts like looking at your phone when you are having a conversation can jeopardize what you are trying to achieve. Showing respect and decency can improve your chances tenfold with a woman you are gaming with a dating coach for men.

6.    Trying too hard is a turn-off

I said earlier that most guys that go to a bar intending only to pick up women seldom do so. That’s because most guys that go with that intention end up being victims of their intentions.

You’ll try everything possible to pick up a woman at a bar if that’s what motivated you to go there. All the other fun things happening around won’t matter if you are not picking up a woman you like.

The simplest way to avoid overexcitement and trying too hard is to go out to have fun. Put picking up a woman as a plus for the night but not the highlight.

Understanding how to read nonverbal cues can be very instrumental especially when you are in a bar. You’ll know if the woman is interested in you or otherwise based on the cues you pick from her and use it to determine your course of action. Understand and accept that you’ll approach a woman and you might not get what you want, but that’s not a big deal.

7.    Take it slow on the bottle

The last thing when you are figuring out how to pick up women at a bar is to take it slow on the bottle. Liquid courage is amazing when you feel anxious or experience approach anxiety, but moderation inspires class.

Women are attracted to a guy that can control his drinking. It shows a level of maturity and composure that’s irresistible. has programs and materials that can help you develop alpha confidence. You’ll be able to overcome approach obstacles that make guys fail before they start when approaching a woman at a bar.

Parting Shot

You have a small window to build trust and comfort and impress a woman if you approach her at a bar. You have to be smooth with your techniques to avoid triggering unnecessary resistance. Guys focus on isolating the girl from people she trusts which is a common mistake. You’ll experience resistance from the girl and the people around her.

Focus on building a good relationship with everyone around you and have a good time. You’ll have a social proof advantage that will inspire the woman you want to trust you and engage you at the level you desire.

Do you want to drastically improve your dating life?

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Iain Myles

Iain Myles is an internationally recognised dating coach and co-owner of the UK’s largest dating coaching company, Kamalifestyles. Iain is also an internet sensation thanks to the multiple viral videos posted through the YouTube channel KamaTV, which has grossed over 100 million views.

Iain has appeared in numerous newspaper columns and radio shows across the world. He is a regular contributor to BBC Radio in the UK.