“How do I not run out of things to say?”
This question used to paralyze my thoughts.
I would have given anything to know the answer to that question when my hormones were raging, and I was approaching women right, left, and center.
I was not always the lady’s man.
I had my fair share of struggles getting women I liked.
I didn’t know much about women, nor did I have the skills to get one, but all I knew was I wanted a girlfriend.
I had to copy and paste what I see in movies, comics and use a bit of imagination but guess what?
It always backfired on me.
Yes, real-life women are much harder to impress than the movies make it seem. So, I thought.
But what I didn’t know is that the holy grail of dating women understands how to talk to them.
It’s almost like chasing the wind when you are trying to get a woman you can’t have a conversation with.
I used to wonder.
✔ What are the appropriate topics to talk about with a woman you just met?
✔ What are the do’s and don’ts when talking to a woman you just met?
✔ Should I be logical or emotional when talking to women?
These questions take me back to a very interesting guy that wrote to me to give me his piece of mind on my Conversation Booster program.
He told me that the program had enlightened him about how to master the art of conversation with women.
Here’s a snippet of what the client wrote:
“After completing the Conversation Booster program, I noticed something different. My approach to women is different. I have always had limiting beliefs and stereotypes about women, and that limited my conversation with women. When you want a woman, you can’t have logical conversations with her. You have to structure the conversation emotionally. That was the biggest lie I have ever dealt with in my dating life. In your program, you say, approach her as an equal. She has a role to play because getting a man is also a prize.”
I time-traveled back to my college days after reading this email.
I was so absorbed in getting the woman that I would do anything to impress her in a conversation.
Women like guys who listen to them, so I would sit there and get a proper ear beating for hours and go sleep in my cold 4 by 6 hostel bed.
Looking back, I used to make a gazillion mistakes when talking to women without knowing it.
Mastering the art of conversation gave my approach to women a 180-degree turn.
You have the ability to get the women you want if you can massage their minds and hearts with your skillful conversations.
But first, there are things you need to know.
Why is having a conversation with women difficult
Mel Gibson possesses a superpower that all men want in his movies.
He can hear what women think, and that gets him to do exactly what women want.
This exhilarates women and as a result he can have any woman he wants.
But take a minute and think.
Do you really need a superpower to know what women think when you can talk them into telling you what they are thinking?
Conversations are a path to a woman’s thoughts, desires, and fantasies.
But why is talking to women so complicated?
The internal broiling battles
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but you can pose the most significant challenge when it comes to talking to women.
Most guys get stuck in their heads like I used to when I approached a woman for the first time.
I tried to think about what she would like to hear or talk about.
In the process, I would blank out in the middle of the conversation because I was coming up with the next topic to talk about when a woman suddenly ends her talking turn.
An awkward silence then engulfs the conversation, and the tensions to eliminate the silence goes up.
You’ll probably mess up everything when you find yourself in that spot because you’ll pull anything from your magic hat to make the silence go away.
✔ Will she like it if I told her she looks beautiful?
✔ Is she bored with the conversation?
✔ Should I tell her about my ex?
It’s challenging to get the woman you want when you spent the better part of the conversation talking to yourself.
Learning how to be present in the conversation is a vital key to mastering the art of conversation.
Unbalanced scales in conversation
One of the biggest conversation killers is an unbalanced conversation.
I realized that my approach with women was completely off when I started mastering the art of conversation.
I would make the conversation all about the woman I wanted.
I played a therapist role of listening, and I also had to hear her footsteps fade away after hours of what might seem like a rant.
An unbalanced conversation can happen in two ways.
You can make the conversation all about you or all about her.
Conversations are designed to spark and develop a connection as you dive into each other’s worlds and see things from their eyes.
I don’t aim at just talking to women. I aim at creating a strong emotional connection that will make the woman overcome her objections.
How do I achieve this?
I have mastered how to get a woman to cover her mileage in the conversation.
I am equally a good catch, and the woman has to put a little effort into getting me.
Furthermore, placing the woman on a pedestal also makes the conversation uneven because you’ll be playing the underdog in the conversation.
You’ll subconsciously be driven to overcompensate to state your worth.
It’s a type of situation that dooms you to blank out in the middle of a conversation.
Falling into conversation traps and tests
We display different personas depending on who we are interacting with to protect ourselves from getting hurt.
Women protect themselves by wearing various masks when they meet a guy.
To unveil herself to you, the woman will take you through a series of tests and conversation traps to determine your intention, will, and grit.
Only when you pass her tests and traps can you have a conversation with the genuine her.
Most guys run out of things to say because they fall into these conversation traps and tests.
But you don’t have to go through her tests and traps to get her mask off.
Mastering the art of conversation can make you navigate your conversation’s past, present, and future scopes.
You can predict the traps and tests and overcome them or find sneaky ways to avoid the conversation.
Conversations with a masked woman will be like:
Her: You are such a nice guy. Why did you break up with your ex? (She wants to dig for dirt. If you talk bitterly about your ex, she’ll find something negative about you that will put her guard up.)
You: She didn’t deserve me. She kept talking to other guys even when I told
her it’s making me uncomfortable. (The statement makes you appear needy and insecure. The woman’s guard will go up.)
Most guys feel that they have to answer all the questions that a woman asks, or she’ll feel you are hiding something and fly away.
That’s a mindset that will end you up in conversation traps like it did for me more times than I can recall.
Mastering the art of conversation is like holding a sieve in a conversation.
Complete the following exercise to get a deeper understanding of the concept.
Remember a time where you fell into conversation traps and tests and write down
Identify the statements that made you appear needy and insecure. Write down your
How would you respond if this happened again?
You’ll know what matters and what to ignore skillfully.
So, how do you become a conversation master?
How to become a conversation master
Probably this is not your first blog on how to become a conversation master.
But if you are here, it means the ones you’ve read have not gotten you far in mastering the skill.
I will borrow some of the techniques that I taught in the Conversation Booster program to help you see the functional side of things and kick start your journey of mastering the art of conversation.
Mastering the art of conversation involves knowing:
▪ How to start a conversation
▪ How to build the conversation
▪ How to end a conversation
When you have mastered how to enter and exit the three phases, you’ll not run out of things to say, and by the end of the conversation, you’ll have what you want.
You see, conversations start before we talk.
When you see a woman you want, you start coming up with ways to get her.
When she sees you, the first impression you create starts the conversation in her head.
However, there are general techniques that you can use to set up your conversation and get your prize.
Create a goal
Conversations are fluid in nature, and they can take any direction if not well structured.
Creating a conversational goal helps you stay on track when talking to a woman.
It gives your conversation a purpose, which can be a strong motivation.
There are so many ways to reach the mountain top.
So, no matter which path the conversation takes when you have a goal in mind, the conversation will ultimately achieve your goal.
Creating a goal is a sneaky way to take control of the conversation’s frame.
You’ll take a few detours on the way to make the woman feel comfortable and build
trust, but you’ll end up where you wanted.
Your conversation goals with the woman you want could be:
✔ I need to get her number or ask her out.
✔ I want to build an emotional connection with the woman.
✔ I want her to go home with me tonight or whatever time.
✔ I want to build sexual tension.
You’ll find it easy to talk to women when you have a goal.
Running around in circles can be tedious, and it can drain the confidence out of your system.
You’ll know when to give up on a conversation that’s not serving your purpose, which is an important skill when talking to women.
Your conversations will be more like:
Her: We can make good friends. (She’s testing you to know your intentions/goal.)
You: Wow! That’s contrary to what was on my mind. (You are building mystery to spark her interest in your goal.)
Her: What did you have in mind? (She’s hooked. It’s time to know whether you’ll achieve your goals in the conversation.)
You: I was picturing you having champagne with me in a hot tub by the beach. (You know that she’s wanted to go to the beach. You gave her what she wanted with your intentions clear.)
Creating conversational goals make the conversation easy because you know which path to follow.
Sometimes conversations are hard because we are not clear about our intentions.
Complete the exercise below to create your own goal.
What is your goal? Write down your goal and the desired result.
How can you measure your progress and quantify it? (To talk to at least 3 women next week, etc…)
What are your specific actions to achieve your goal?
What skills do you need to achieve your goal?
Is your goal clearly aligned and attainable? (Be sure not to set goals that are
impossible to reach… you need to make it attainable)
When is your deadline?
Create a genuine interest in the woman
The way you interact with Amanda is not the same way you’ll interact with Stacy.
Mastering the art of conversation is about knowing how to get what you want in different conversations.
That means that sometimes you’ll have to play around with your approaches and pick one that fits the woman you like.
A woman will be emotionally unavailable when she realizes that your interest in her is not genuine.
Building a genuine interest in a woman will help you see right through her masks.
You might be sweating yourself in a conversation with a woman that’s already taken and in a happy relationship.
Developing a genuine interest gets you to understand the woman’s emotional and mental space.
That’s vital because you’ll know how to emotionally connect with her.
You’ll also learn what she wants in a man and a relationship.
That will put you in a powerful position in the conversation because you’ll serve her what she wants with sprinkles of what you want in the conversation.
The conversation might sound like this:
You: You told me that you enjoy painting. Have you had an open gala before? (You have taken her back to something that she loves. That shows that you were listening, and that’s a sign of genuine interest.)
Her: No. I don’t think my paintings are that good for an art gala. (She’s letting you into her insecurities about her art. Your trust is building.)
You: You don’t have to compare your art to whatever is out there. It’s your art, and it tells your story. I would love to see them one day. (You are showing more interest in her hobby, but you are also planning for future meetings.)
Creating genuine interest in a woman in a conversation makes the conversation easy because you get to understand the woman and know where you need to play her hero in a knight’s shining armor.
When she sees you as a hero, you have your work cut out for you in the conversation. You’ll say no wrong before her eyes.
Build trust and comfort
To peel off a woman’s mask, you have to get her comfortable and trust you.
Trust and comfort are crucial for meaningful and progressive conversations.
Now, the challenging part is convincing a woman you are not only after sex when your intention is to have sex with her.
Women don’t trust guys that approach them because they feel all men want is sex, especially if she’s gorgeous.
If you say you don’t want sex and your intention is to have sex with her later on, it’s hard to come out as authentic.
If you say you say your intentions are to have sex, the woman will likely shut you off.
How do you get what you want and still build trust and comfort?
When you are trying to build trust and comfort you have to establish the woman’s expectations.
Meeting or exceeding her trust threshold is what will initiate the trust building process.
Alternatively, you can show your vulnerability to show that you trust her and hope she reciprocates.
You: I am very shy when I talk to beautiful women. Like right now, I cannot seem to find the right words. (You are appealing on her emotional side while displaying your vulnerability. When you start building an emotional connection, trust automatically builds. Also, note that you have not directly complimented her, but you’ve let her know you think she’s beautiful. We like people who like us, and that builds trust and comfort.)
Her: Don’t worry. I am also a shy person. I didn’t know how I would talk to you when you approached me. (She’s reinforcing the trust-building process by being honest.)
When the conversation is honest, it becomes easy to say your intentions.
A woman will be at ease with you when she understands what you want from her.
If she’s game with your goal, the trust and comfort will build gradually.
Her: “You must be rich, you dress well”
You: “Well, I am a corporate employee and I am not rich. I work in sales and I always dress to impress” (Showing vulnerability and honesty)
Her: “It is ok… most of my friends are in the corporate world”
Focus on similarities during the conversations.
I dig more in-depth on how to find, analyze, and build on common ground in the Conversation Booster training program.
But since you are here, I might as well give you a taste of the juice.
Shared values, hobbies, and interests make you look familiar to the woman.
Sometimes we wear masks because we are afraid of how people will judge us.
Showing a woman that you are more alike than she thinks eliminates the fear of being negatively judged, which pulls off one mask.
Yes, guys. It’s just one mask of many that a woman can wear at the same time.
The more you have in common, the more comfortable the woman will become and let go of her other masks.
Write down your vulnerabilities… be as honest and descriptive as you can be.
Now put your vulnerability into words and touch base with your inner self. Your vulnerability could be physical, social and economic. Write down how you feel about your vulnerability.
Now acknowledge your feelings and be present. Develop acceptance and learn to accept your imperfections. Write down your answers.
Learn how to transition and bridge the conversation
When I was learning more about mastering the art of conversations, my mentor gave me an example of a triathlon.
The transition point in a triathlon race is crucial because any seconds you waste can cost you.
The same happens in a conversation.
Conversations have energy and flow that, when disrupted, can pose a considerable challenge.
When you pull a new topic out of nowhere, there is likely to be a bit of confusion before both of you get on the same page.
That is if you are lucky.
Learning how to transition and bridge the conversation is a crucial skill that can make you a skilled conversationalist with women.
You’ll understand how further to stretch a topic before blending it with another topic to match the energy and flow.
Also, different topics help us trigger different emotions that we want to connect with.
For example, you are using a story to build trust.
The same story might not be viable for building attraction.
You’ll have to find a point that your story to build trust smoothly blends with your other story to build attraction.
Your ability to bounce from one topic to another can get you out of slippery situations.
Her: There is no true love these days. All that men desire is sex without commitment. (She has a limiting mindset about men, and this can affect your chances with her. The topic can also put you on the defensive, which will make you look guilty and make your conversation challenging.)
You: Speaking of sex without commitment, I think technology has really played a role. There are sites just designed for people to hook up and have casual sex. (You have leveled the playground by showing women also want sex without commitment. Now, the conversation can take any path you want.) Have you ever tried online dating? (You have transitioned the focus from you to her by asking a question.)
Asking questions is one of the excellent techniques of transitioning and bridging a story.
When transitioning or bridging a story, the trick is to acknowledge the topic you want to change in a way that suits your new topic.
It’s hard to run out of things to say when you can bounce from one story to another smoothly.
You’ll know when the topic is exhausted and change it before it becomes boring and repetitive.
That can be instrumental when you are building an emotional connection with a woman.
Sometimes you have to dive deep into undesirable emotions to trigger a woman’s emotional receptors.
You’ll need transition and bridging skills to help you maintain emotional balance in the conversation.
Unless you are aiming at getting her with sympathy votes.
Everything is about perception and meeting expectations.
What do women want?
Well, they don’t all want the same thing.
And becoming a master of conversation can make you increase your success with women.
Talking allows you to know how a person perceives the world and different social aspects, such as romantic relationships.
Although there are things that all women want, women are attracted to men that know their unique needs.
That’s what will set you aside from all the other men that she’s met.
Skilled conversationalists can take a woman’s mind and guide it through a journey to show her why he’s the best man for her.
In this journey, a woman is wowed by the man’s intelligence, leadership, confidence, and other skills a woman desires.
When you are a master, you set the momentum and watch things unfold according to your plan.
If you are struggling with talking to women, that’s a problem that you can check off your list.
The Conversation Booster program is a detailed 8-module training program designed to help you master various skills to make you a better conversationalist.
The intensive training will illuminate how women communicate and how to get women to listen to you.
Take care and speak soon,