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How to love someone

You can define actions and words with love. But when it comes to defining love, it becomes an elusive concept. It’s a compulsive feeling that you can’t resist its force.

When you love someone, you want to do anything humanly possible to make them happy and safe. Yet, will all that good stirring inside you, it can still be a challenge to show and express love.

How do you love someone? Is there a right way to love someone? Well, in this blog, we’ll explore all you need to know on how to love someone and make them feel genuine love.

Limit expectations

How to love someone is a common question among people because most people have conditional love. It’s challenging to have an absolute unconditional love because it might haunt your mental and emotional health. But limiting the high expectations we have of people can help us love them better.

Most of us get into relationships desiring to get some sort of fulfillment. It’s natural for you to want something in a relationship. However, you have to consider how what you want affects the other person.

The hardest part of loving someone is showing and making them believe that your love is genuine. It’s challenging to convince your girl that you love them when they feel short-handed in the relationship.

Expectations can make the other person make compromises they were not willing to make. That breeds a seed of bitterness, which can it hard for the person to see your expression of love.

Inspire the one you love.

Everyone has their yin and yang. However, it’s still easy for people to cherry-pick the traits they desire in a person and shun the ones that don’t benefit them.

It’s a cycle that triggers insecurity in people. Human beings are social and a person will be compelled to act in a certain way to get approved by others.

Insecurities create doubt because you feel you don’t deserve it. So when you are given, it’s fake. How to love someone is making them feel they can be loved for being themselves.

It’s challenging to convince an insecure partner of your undying love. But you’ll experience the person you love better when her bond in the relationship is not governed by insecurity but freedom.

Inspire them to take the class they’ve been procrastinating because they are afraid of failing. Get them to do things they desire but don’t believe in themselves to pull it through.

Inspiring your partner to conquer small fears and insecurities can give them the momentum to overcome the insecurities they experience.

Understand their love language

It would have been much easier to love if there was a blueprint on how to love someone. But there isn’t!
Nevertheless, it’s easy to love someone when you understand their love language. There are different types of love languages but everyone has a primary love language.


A woman might doubt your love because there’s a disconnect between how you express love and how she translates to love. When you understand a woman’s love language, it becomes easy for you to express and them interpret your expression of love.

For example, it will be challenging for a woman to believe in your undying love when her love language is quality time and you are expressing love with getting her gifts.

You can understand a girl’s love language by observing how she expresses love. You’ll have a clear picture of what will wow her.

Build interest in them.

You can love someone by showing them they are not alone when they feel they have no one. Most people need love when they can’t get it from themselves. It’s the best time to express love and increase your value in a girl’s life.

But how to love someone is not a one-day job. You’ll gradually have to adopt different ways to express love depending on what the person needs.

You have different experiences in life every day which are likely to change you drastically or gradually. As you transform your personality according to the experiences you encounter, you also start to translate things differently.

Building interest in the person you love will always put you in a position to love them the right way. You’ll be aware of what’s going on in their lives and how they feel about different things.

For example, you’ll know what to do to cheer them up when they’ve had a rough day at work. She’ll appreciate you more when you are there for her when she feels alone the most.

Show forgiveness and patience.

How to love someone is easy when they are at their best and you feel everything is going perfect. But the true test of love comes when the one you love is your source of pain.

You’ll find it very challenging to love someone if you keep holding grudges. The painful experiences over time will brew resentment. You’ll have more reasons not to be in love.

It’s important to understand that sometimes people can do mistakes even if they are in a relationship. And as much as everyone has to always be accountable for their actions, sometimes it’s not fair to beat the other person when they are already beating themselves up.

Showing patience and forgiveness when a person feels they don’t deserve it from you can be interpreted as unconditional love. Your girl will feel loved because you accepted her at her worst.

Make compromises for them.

Relationships have silent trades that make them functional and fulfilling. If you were in a relationship that you are always giving, you’ll feel used and unfulfilled with the relationship.

One way of how to love someone and make them feel treasured is by making compromises for them. Compromises are an indication that you value the other person and the relationship over certain things.

However, sometimes we make compromises that are too costly for us. For example, giving up something that forms your core principles. When you compromise on something that you feel it’s too costly, it might trigger some resentment later on in the relationship.

You’ll not always be comfortable with the compromises you make. But make compromises that you can live with without regret. You’ll be happy to have done something for the girl you love without feeling that she owes you something for it.

Let your actions do the talking.

It’s important to master verbal techniques of expressing your love to your partner. But sometimes it needs more than words to help your partner understand the magnitude of what you feel.

Your tongue is powerful and it can express love in the most divine ways ever written in books. But words fade away as quickly as emotions change.

Actions make a lasting impression. Find gestures to display how you feel about your partner. However, not any kind gesture can express your love.

Understand your partner’s needs and align your actions with them. For example, if your girl is into music and her guitar is old, getting her a new one can be a gesture of love.

Your action will be more appreciated when it’s designed to help your partner rather than make you look good to her.
Love yourself first.

It can be an uphill task if you are trying to understand how to love someone and you don’t know what love is. Self-love is the first place to start when you are trying to figure out how to love someone.

A lot of guys find themselves overcompensating in relationships trying to express their love. When love comes from a point of insecurity, it brews toxicity with it. You might become possessive and intolerable to your partner.

The best way to learn how to love someone is to start by having a relationship with yourself. Get time to understand who you are and what you desire. Find ways to treat yourself when you are feeling low and making yourself happy.

When it comes to expressing love, the best way is to start from what you are familiar with. You’ll treat the woman with the delicacy you treat yourself with.

You’ll not take their actions as a reflection of your self-worth. It makes it easy for you to be patient and forgiving with them.

Acknowledge your imperfections

Most people feel gagged by love because they don’t want to say things that might disrupt the peace. When one person in a relationship is afraid of expressing how they feel it becomes a one-sided relationship.

Most people desire to seem perfect before the people they love and being confronted with their imperfection can trigger defensive mode. However, it’s a subtle action that pushes away your partner because they don’t feel considered or heard.

You love someone by giving them a voice to express themselves. Acknowledging when you are wrong is the first way to show that you are willing to learn and make things work. An apology will mean more when you’ve acknowledged your mistakes.

Be consistent with your actions

The beginning phase of relationships is usually exciting because both sides are putting effort to make things work. You are calling regularly to check up on her. You send flowers and chocolates randomly.

However, the energy fades in most relationships with time. You become entitled to things instead of being grateful.
You love someone by being consistent with how you treat them. It’s challenging to be happy all the time. So, you can imagine how challenging it has to be displaying love throughout.

Nevertheless, showing your partner that you still care for them even when they don’t deserve it is the best way to express love. Love is when you know you can count on your partner to come through for you regardless of the situation.

Final Take

There are a million ways you can love someone. However, it’s important to learn how your partner perceives love and how they interpret it. It allows you to specifically communicate to them how you feel.

Loving someone is about accepting them for who they are without silent terms and conditions. You can still have boundaries with the person you love without triggering a disconnect.

The more you build interest in the person you love, the easier it will be for you to find different ways to express the love you feel.

Do you want to drastically improve your dating life?

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Iain Myles

Iain Myles is an internationally recognised dating coach and co-owner of the UK’s largest dating coaching company, Kamalifestyles. Iain is also an internet sensation thanks to the multiple viral videos posted through the YouTube channel KamaTV, which has grossed over 100 million views.

Iain has appeared in numerous newspaper columns and radio shows across the world. He is a regular contributor to BBC Radio in the UK.