Approach Women, Blog, Conversation

How to get to know someone over text

Due to the onset of covid and social distancing, most bars and clubs are operating on thin ice. People are skeptical about interacting with new people because of the new menace that has got social life on its knees.

However, all hope is not gone to expand your social circle and have an interesting romantic life. Texting has become common and the new features can easily create the illusion that you are seated next to each other.

Texting is a communication tool that has been widely embraced. You’ll find most people on their phones which means that you can have a smooth flow of conversation via texting.

Now more than ever, understanding how to forge strong connections via text is important. Most people find texting to be insufficient in helping them know other people better. That’s greatly influenced by the elimination of nonverbal cues which is crucial for effective communication.

In this blog, we’ll explore ways of how to get to know someone over text.

After reading the blog, you’ll not only get to know the person but also be able to create strong connections and become persuasive.

First, let’s look at common texting mistakes that will prevent you from knowing the woman you desire.

  • Texting in short forms: Texting has a different language pattern but it’s not universal. Texting words in their short forms can create miscommunication.
  • For example, HMU is widely accepted as ‘hit me up’. But that doesn’t mean that the girl you are texting understands it.

  • Assuming ready rapport after the first text: Most people start pushing their agendas immediately after a woman has replied to their first text. Assuming that you have a rapport after a few texts can cost you the girl you desire.
  • Double texting: Double texting is a common mistake but it can be very costly when you are texting someone new. You can easily pass as nagging or desperate when you keep texting even without getting an answer.
  • Typing lengthy texts: It’s easier to read a 1000-page book than read a lengthy text. Most people don’t have the patience to go through the entire text especially when they don’t have any connection with you.
  • Timing: Guys, the time that you text a woman is crucial. Texting a woman just because you are bored will not get you the response you desire. Most people are busy so it’s polite to know when a woman is ready to chat. Sending texts at odd hours can make you look like a creep.
  • Taking too long to reply: When you are always taking too long to reply to a woman’s texts, she might think you are not interested. Reschedule the chat even when you are busy so that the woman doesn’t feel ignored
  • Ambiguous intention: It will be challenging for a woman to engage you when she’s not sure about your intention. Find sneaky ways to display your intention and direct the conversation where you want it.

Now that you know the common mistakes that disqualify guys from forging a strong connection with women, let’s look at how you can get to know her well.

Build a rapport

How to get to know someone over text can be made easier by building a rapport. However, this crucial step is mostly overlooked when texting. Women will still have their guard on even over text.

Building a rapport allows you to be familiar with the woman you’re texting. A woman will be willing to engage you more if she feels she knows something tangible about you.

(Here’s an awesome FREE eBook for you on how to improve your rapport building with her: Get a Girl to Like You).

When you are starting a conversation, go past just saying your name and random facts about yourself that the woman might not find important.

The best way to build rapport via text is by looking for common ground.

▪    Where did you find her number?

▪    Which site or app are you interacting in?

▪    What do you have in common that will build a conversation?

These questions can help you start a conversation from a familiar place. It’s important because it will reduce resistance as you progress texting.

Listen actively

Sometimes understanding what a person is trying to say can be elusive via text. Miscommunication at a point can trigger a snowball effect that will put you on different pages.

It’s not easy sometimes to tell the emotion behind texts because there are no nonverbal cues to help you with clarity. Listening is the best tool to pick up emotions when chatting.

(Here’s another free resource for you with tips and advice on dating girls: Dating Hot Women).

Listening to what a woman is trying to say, can give you a clear idea of their personality and what they are feeling. That will give you an idea of the topic that a woman is comfortable with and those that she’s not comfortable with yet.

Listening actively is crucial because to know someone better over text can require more than one text. Listening puts you in a position to understand where you’ll need to ask for more clarification.

The silent reward of listening when texting a person that you want to know better is it makes it easy to keep the conversation going.

You’ll learn more about a woman you want the longer you keep the conversation going. You’ll also grade their interest from how they are answering texts and engaging you.

Tell them about yourself.

It’s imperative that you build trust when you want to know a girl better. The best way to build trust via text is by helping the other person understand you before they can reveal themselves to you.

But what you say about yourself is equally important. You don’t want to give too much information that will be overwhelming.

(If I were you I’d read the following article to get more insight on how often to text: How often you should text a girl to keep her interested).

Share things about yourself that you’d like to know about the girl. For example, you can open up about your relationship status to prompt a woman to tell you about hers.

Sharing information about yourself widens the range of things you can talk about. It will place you in a better position to know more about the girl you want.

For example:

You: “I love cooking but I have not mastered the art yet.” (You are building trust by sharing your hobby.)

Her: “It’s awesome that you are doing something you love even if you’ve not mastered it.”

You: “I find it therapeutic. What’s your go-to activity when you want to calm down?”

Introduce your vulnerability

Connecting over desirable feelings is easy and fun. But the true depth of connection is determined by the vulnerability explored.

Our vulnerabilities are usually guarded with heavy emotions some of which we don’t fancy experiencing. However, these emotions can be awesome tools to forge strong emotions.

Showing your vulnerable side will introduce new emotions in the conversation. The girl will be prompted to connect with you on that emotional level which can make her open up her vulnerable side.

We tend to know people better by balancing the strengths and weaknesses that we learn about them. However, if the girl is not comfortable yet to open about her vulnerable side, it’s best to respect her stand.

Make plans with the person.

Making plans with the girl you are chatting with can also show your level of commitment. However, making plans such as meeting for lunch or coffee doesn’t have a wow factor in it.

Being creative with the plans you make can prompt the woman to want to meet you. When a woman feels the urge of meeting you, she’ll be open to telling you more before the meet. Planning can inspire commitment which can also inspire a woman to tell you more about herself.

(Have you ever considered hiring a dating coach? This article explains more: Dating coach for men).

For example, if she lives in a different city, understanding something that’s unique about the city will be a great activity for both of you.

Understand the sensitive subjects

One important trick when aiming to know a person better over text is understanding the sensitive topics. Texting is susceptible to miscommunication. Exploring sensitive subjects over texts can make someone withdraw from the conversation.

It can be tempting to explore deep meaningful topics such as previous relationships, religion, or politics. However, without proper trust, connection, and comfort, these topics can trigger intense arguments that an understanding cannot be found while texting.

Understand the girl’s speech patterns and opinions about things that are drawn from personal preference. You’ll know what a woman is comfortable with and what she’s not.

Take your time.

Patience is an important virtue that you’ll need when trying to know someone over text. How to get to know someone over text can be challenging sometimes because you’ll not always be on the same page.

Also, aspects such as trust and comfort can take longer to establish than they would have in a one-on-one meet.

(Here’s a very useful article for those users of online dating apps: How to start a conversation on tinder).

Allowing a woman to slowly open up with her pace will reduce the chances of last-minute withdrawal. Instead of focusing on knowing the person immediately, focus on spending more time with the person.

Your relationship will grow naturally and you’ll get to know the person better the more you chat with each other.

Final Take

Being honest throughout your chat is important. Remember, that texts leave a trail of evidence. When you start having contradicting statements, you might be seen as dishonest.

The true understanding of the woman you want via text will depend on your effort and how well you structure your approach. How considerate you are in the conversation can also inspire better results.

You can learn how to structure your conversations in texts. Texting is a very different approach especially when you want to build romance chemistry. Where there are intense emotions involved, texts can be easily misinterpreted.

Don’t take too much time texting. Secure her trust and comfort and plan for a meet. It will allow you to accelerate things with the girl much faster.

Do you want to drastically improve your dating life?

Reach out to me today if you’d like some highly effective 1-on-1 Dating Training: CONTACT US

Iain Myles

Iain Myles is an internationally recognised dating coach and co-owner of the UK’s largest dating coaching company, Kamalifestyles. Iain is also an internet sensation thanks to the multiple viral videos posted through the YouTube channel KamaTV, which has grossed over 100 million views.

Iain has appeared in numerous newspaper columns and radio shows across the world. He is a regular contributor to BBC Radio in the UK.