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How to build trust in a relationship after it’s broken

How to build trust in a relationship after it's broken

Trust is a fundamental part of any progressive and healthy relationship. It makes couples willing to take a leap of faith which is crucial especially in a romantic relationship. When you propose to your girlfriend, it’s the trust you have in her that makes you overlook or even think about any chances of divorce.

How to build trust in a relationship after it’s broken

But as human beings, we fall short of glory sometimes. Your shortcomings can sometimes result in losing something or someone that you wouldn’t have traded anything with.

However, the doubts that broken trust triggers can be challenging for most couples to bounce back their relationship to what it once was. As a default setting, most women have their guard up. That can make them emotionally inaccessible once trust is broken.

In this blog, I’m going to show you genius ways of how to build trust in a relationship after it’s broken. One thing to keep in mind is that rebuilding trust can be so much more challenging than gaining trust for the first time. But it’s not an impossible task.

Rebuilding trust when you’ve broken it.

No one intentionally breaks trust with the woman they love only to want to rebuild it later. It can be a series of decisions that you might have taken without consciously considering the impact it will have on your partner. How do you bounce back from it?

1.      Understand the situation

Infidelity is considered to be one of the major trust shutters in a relationship though it’s not the only major one. The cause for broken trust might not be obvious in every situation. Before you embark on the quest to rebuild the trust you first have to understand the situation revolving around its shutter.

Is the trust really broken or is it something else? How do you relate to your partner after the incident has happened? How did your partner find out what shuttered the trust in your relationship?

(A great article on how to make friends with the opposite sex: How to make female friends).

In my experience as a dating coach for men, I have come to appreciate the aspect of time and space in relationships especially when you are going through a rough patch.

Understanding the situation gives you an idea of how to approach it. You might be blindsided because of perspectives but understanding the whole situation gives you a fair chance to turn things around.

2.      Take responsibility

The next step on how to build trust in a relationship after it’s broken is taking responsibility. When trust is broken it can be tempting to blame something or someone to save your skin. However, that does the opposite.

Getting defensive or justifying your actions can aggravate the situation. It can easily give the perception that you are disqualifying what your partner feels about the situation. And the emotional rift between you will widen as a result.

Taking responsibility shows that you understand how your actions have affected your partner. It gives your partner a chance to see that you did a mistake not because you intended to hurt them.

It’s easy to give your account of how you perceive things when you take responsibility for your actions. Your partner will try and see things from your perspective which can be instrumental in rebuilding trust.

3.      Give a genuine apology

How to build trust in a relationship after it’s broken cannot be achieved if one doesn’t give a genuine apology. Sometimes it’s not the mistake that makes things fall apart in a relationship but how you handle the mistake.

(A great article on How to tell if she is avoiding you: How to tell if a girl is avoiding you).

A genuine apology acknowledges how your actions have affected your partner. It shows that you sympathize with how they feel. It’s also a promise of trying to do better.

I am sorry. (It will not get you the understanding and emotional connection you desire to rebuild trust.)

I apologize that I kept this from you. It was selfish and I can now see it by the pain you are going through. (Showing why you are apologizing makes you look honest and genuine with your apology.)

To rebuild trust, your apology has to reflect in your actions. Changing your behavior to avoid causing pain to your partner is a way to show how much you value the relationship.

For example, if you cheated on her, continuous talking with other women will trigger the old wounds. It will be challenging to rebuild the trust you are not showing a tangible change.

4.      Understand what your partner wants.

For every action, there has to be a reaction. Your relationship changes once trust has been broken. Your partner will form new boundaries to protect themselves against you.

Understanding what your partner wants can be instrumental when thinking of how to build trust in a relationship after it’s broken. It will act as a guide to how you can change your behavior to rebuild trust.

However, you have to be careful when you are transforming yourself to rebuild trust in your relationship. You are at a disadvantage when you are the cause of the broken trust. But that doesn’t mean that you rebuild trust in the relationship at the cost of your personality and happiness.

(Another incredible article for you to read: What to do when your girlfriend ignores you).

Understand what your partner wants and what you are willing to change. If you have conflicting interests, rebuilding trust will be challenging because you’ll not be consistent.

5.      Establish clear communication

Most people omit or add information to manipulate the outcome of a conversation to suit their desires. Slight alterations in the facts in a conversation can have a significant impact on the decision-making of your partner. Continuous foggy communication between couples can overtime trigger mistrust.

How to build trust in a relationship after it’s broken

Establishing clear communication can be an effective way of rebuilding trust in a relationship. One thing for sure is after trust is broken is your partner will not believe anything you say unless her instincts or facts align with your words.

(Learn how to draw in her attention and interest: How to get a womans attention).

Opening up and being completely honest is a start to rebuilding trust. Taking your partner out of the dark by being honest with them clears some doubts that might make the process of rebuilding trust challenges.

Under clear communication, you have to think critically before committing to something or making promises. Not being able to follow up on your word no matter how light the promise or commitment is can potentially make you untrustworthy.

6.      Give your partner time and space

You might do all that I have highlighted above and still, your partner might be skeptical about trusting you again. That doesn’t mean that all hope is gone. Giving your partner time and space to reflect on everything now that you’ve highlighted a different perspective can be crucial to rebuilding trust.

(I’d highly recommend you read this: How to move on from a toxic relationship).

Understand that it’s a process that might take time depending on how betrayed your partner feels. Giving her pressure to forgive you and trust you again will only push her away.

Allow your partner time to grieve the betrayal and accept that it has happened. During this period, you can work on yourself and know what you want before going back to your partner.

Rebuilding trust when you’ve been betrayed.

Betrayal hits differently in everyone. Nevertheless, forgiveness is key when it comes to rebuilding trust after you’ve been betrayed. Let’s see how you can rebuild trust after being betrayed:

1.      Take some time to yourself

Taking some time to yourself allows you to focus on what you want. You’ll analyze the value of the relationship, and if going back to it is a better option than leaving.

The time you take allows you to grieve and accept what has happened. When someone you love dearly betrays you, the first reaction might be denial, then followed by the other stages of grief which are anger, bargaining, depression, and lastly acceptance.

(Do you want to know how to approach a cold? Read this: How to approach a girl).

Going through all these stages can give you a clear mind when going back to your partner. You’ll know what you want to inspire the growth of trust in the relationship.

2.      Don’t play the victim

It’s easy to look at the circumstance from a hopeless angle when you’ve been betrayed. The victimhood mentality can make it very difficult for you to trust your partner.

It will make you perceive yourself as a powerless and vulnerable person that might be hurt again. It’s good to be cautious and protect yourself from being hurt again but not if it comes at the cost of you living a fulfilling life.

You can choose to wallow and drown in your sorrow or stand up and face the circumstance right on. How to build trust in a relationship after it’s broken sometimes requires you to take a leap of faith and hope for the best.

3.      Set new boundaries

You can rebuild trust in your relationship by setting new boundaries. It’s a continuous process of learning and understanding the person you are dating.

The more you know about the person through their actions or words can give you an insight on how to handle yourself around them. Setting new boundaries after betrayal can give you confidence in the relationship.

New boundaries are a sign that you’ve forgiven but you’ve not forgotten. It will hold your partner accountable, which can make them cautious of how their actions affect you.

4.      Don’t take the blame

It can be tempting to want to justify what your partner did to avoid tainting the perception you have of her. But that will take you through a spiral of undesirable feelings and guilt that can be overwhelming and potentially take a toll on you.

(Here’s a great article for you on dating apps: How to get more matches on tinder).

Let your partner take responsibility for their doings. Allow them to work to regain your trust in ways that give you confidence in them. However, it’s important to remember that rebuilding trust will require both of you to put the work in.

5.      Is the relationship worth it?

One of the most challenging things can be walking out on the person you love. However, once trust has been broken it will be very challenging to keep the relationship strong.

Not every time you feel betrayed means the end of the relationship. But sometimes you have to consider if the relationship is doing more harm than good. It can be challenging to rebuild trust if your partner doesn’t make an effort or doesn’t value the relationship as much as you do.

Take time to reflect on why your partner does it. Also, consider the emotional toll that the process takes on you. It will help you determine the future of your relationship.

Final Take

How to build trust in a relationship after it’s broken can change how you relate to each other in the relationship. There is no blueprint on how you can accurately rebuild trust. Sometimes you’ll feel like it’s starting to be there and other times it might feel far from it.

Understand that it takes time and things might never be as they used to be. However, building confidence in yourself and your partner can be the trick to get your relationship back to its glory.

Do you want to drastically improve your dating life?

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Iain Myles

Iain Myles is an internationally recognised dating coach and co-owner of the UK’s largest dating coaching company, Kamalifestyles. Iain is also an internet sensation thanks to the multiple viral videos posted through the YouTube channel KamaTV, which has grossed over 100 million views.

Iain has appeared in numerous newspaper columns and radio shows across the world. He is a regular contributor to BBC Radio in the UK.