The Dating Dance

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Chris was having difficulty with dating, specifically maintaining new relationships. He could approach women, get their numbers and go out on one or two (he thought) successful dates, but then things invariably went wrong. He either found himself friend zoned, or the woman would simply stop returning his calls. When he met Lisa, Chris realised that he’d met a woman with all the attributes he was looking for – she’s intelligent, attractive and independent. Aware of his track record with women, Chris turned to Kama Lifestyles for dating coaching and advice.

Chris’ dating mistakes are made by hundreds, if not thousands, of other nice guys who approach Kama Lifestyles for help. He’s average looking and not particularly wealthy, and he felt that this put him at a disadvantage compared to other guys. He couldn’t show women what value he’d add to their lives, and there was no sense of fun or excitement about him. In fact, his body language showed them that he felt socially inferior and would detract from their social status. His personal grooming and lack of dress sense confirmed it. Luckily for Chris, being successful with women is a skill that can be learned.

Chris had to learn that no one could change his dating skills other than him. Although learning new behaviours can be hard work, his Kama Lifestyles coach worked with him to point out areas where he needed improvement:

  • Chris’ mindset made him fail before he’d even started. Because he didn’t believe that he was good enough for the women he dated, or better than other men, he gave women the impression right from the start that they could do better. Exercises and tips on how to improve his confidence, from how he approached women to his body language when speaking to them, gave Chris the ability to project his worth and value to them.
  • Chris was too serious, never showing the woman he was dating his fun side. His Kama Lifestyles coach took him to a bar to see how he behaved in social settings, and pointed out that he tended to stay in a corner, scanning the room. This made him look nervous and anxious, but the coach explained that the simple solution is to go out with a friend and spend the evening relaxing and laughing, letting women see that he’s a pleasure to be around.
  • Chris’ body language betrayed him. When it comes to dating, women need to know that they’ve found someone who’s strong, confident and emotionally engaging. The Kama Lifestyles coach taught Chris how to control and use his body language to send off the right non-verbal signals to women he was interested in. Instead of fidgeting and looking around, Chris learned to look women in the eyes, while seeming relaxed and confident. His coach suggested some changes to the way he presented himself, updating his look and tidying his appearance.
  • When approaching and dating women, Chris didn’t use touch to make his intentions clear or to create intimacy. His Kama Lifestyles coach demonstrated how to use simple methods, like a touch to the arm or a lingering handshake, to show women that he’s not interested only in friendship. This way, even if they rejected him, he didn’t waste time on dating women who would friend zone him anyway.

When Chris next saw Lisa, he approached her with an aura of confidence, made his intentions clear and created intimacy through touch. They’ve been on three dates so far and, this time, even his Kama Lifestylesdating coach agrees that things are going well.

Chris Hart, 28, Accountant