Archive for the ‘meeting women’ tag
How to get her talking: opinion openers
Being pre-armed with a stragegy makes striking up a flowing conversation with the best looking girl in the room simple. JOE dating expert Stephen Nolan talks opinion openers.
A unique way to start a conversation is to elicit a woman for her opinion on a topic. It is best to discuss topics that are designed to start a heated conversation, such as relationships.
A question with a lot of drama built into it serves to get the person interested to find more on the topic. Opinion openers work best when they seem spontaneous, and there is a valid reason for why somebody would be asking such a question.
What to ask
In order for an opinion opener to work successfully, you should be genuinely interested in the topic. Pick a subject from your past or something that causes intense emotions when you think about it, and centre your question on that topic.
If you do this, then your sub-communications, such as body language, voice tonality etc, will become internalised and natural as you are genuinely interested in the topic. My own personal favourite is shown below:
“Do you think it’s OK for a guy to go out with his ex-girlfriend’s sister?”
It is interesting to note that I have asked that question to over one thousand groups of women and I have still to meet two women that agree on the answer. When you finish the line, you remain silent and wait for them to answer. They will usually ask for more information about the situation and I follow up with:
“My friend went out with this girl for two years and they broke up about six months ago. He’s still really good friends with her but he was out two weeks ago and her sister approached him and they started chatting and eventually she told him that she always had a crush on him and they ended up kissing and she is texting him ever since but it feels a little weird. What do you think?”
Conversation
This will usually result in her asking more questions about the situation and suddenly we are in a full conversation. In the example above, the girls immediately assume that I am asking about myself. When they ask me if I am talking about my own situation, I simply smile and by this, I come across as a modest person. It is important to note that when you come up with your original opener, you must also be aware of the hidden messages it gives out about you.
If you examine the opener above, you realise that not only have I gone out with a girl, but I am also pre-selected by other girls, namely her sister. This gives instant social value. While it is not as powerful as walking into a club with a stunning girl on each arm, it still packs quite a punch and they will want to know more about you.
Although opinion openers are a safe way to meet people, safe is also usually the territory of the nice guy.
If a woman is bored of people approaching her with the same lines, the opinion opener offers something a little different and they will be much more receptive. However, although opinion openers are a safe way to meet people, safe is also usually the territory of the nice guy.
Random
Sometimes, you can get stuck in a conversation that has no sexual tension and, for that reason, some people have trouble with generating attraction using opinion openers. To avoid this you can experiment with different opinions. You can also use an opinion opener just as a transparent excuse to talk to the girl. Ask her an opinion about something random such as the following:
“I need a quick opinion… Simon Cowell – like or dislike?”
Ask her this naturally, with a smile and get a response. Immediately bust her on her reply and take the opposite view. The words themselves create zero attraction. However, you will probably be laughing and animated when you say it and you are dragging her into your reality, which creates instant attraction.
You: “I need a quick opinion… Simon Cowell – like or dislike?”
Her: “Definitely like, he makes the X Factor so interesting.”
You: “Oh my God… I so thought you were in the Louis Walsh fan group… OK good for you, what about Wagner?”
Her: “Actually, I really like Wagner because he… etc.”
By opening conversation like this, I am showing that I want to flirt with the girl and I want her to have fun. I know it, she knows it, and I know she knows it. It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it to come across as animated as you want. From there, you can take the conversation anywhere.
Stephen Nolan has appeared in “Battle of the Sexes” as a dating coach and has featured on TV3 speaking on the success of Kama Lifestyles courses.
He has also been featured in many of Ireland’s leading newspapers, including the Irish Times, the Sunday Tribune, Evening Herald for his work with dating coaching and relationship management. He has also spoken on RTE Radio One, 2Fm, Beat 102, South East Radio, Phantom Fm, WLRFM, Dublin’s Q102 and 4FM.
For more tips and advice visit www.kamalifestyles.com
Using visualisation to succeed before you approach women
This week, JOE’s dating and relationship expert Stephen Nolan tells us how to visualise a successful result before we make contact with that beautiful woman.
Visualisation is one of the most natural human experiences and each of us practices it every day. Every time we daydream or see images in our mind we are visualising.
When we consciously choose our thoughts, we are practicing the visualisation technique. Most people simply do it naturally and do not realise that if they actually controlled what they think, then they could be far more successful in attracting women.
Focus
Positive visualisation can be one of the best ways to take advantage of the power of our subconscious mind. Seeing yourself already achieving your goal makes your brain believe that attaining that goal is possible. In short, focus brings the goal closer to you.
Each of us possesses the ultimate tool for attracting the women we truly desire. What is the secret? Simple – it’s our positive thoughts. But how do you master visualisation so that you can use it as a tool to quickly and easily get into the correct frame of mind when you want to approach somebody new and create a connection?
The answer is the mental slideshow. We do this in two steps.
Scenario
Imagine you have just arrived in a bar and there is a beautiful woman standing at the counter. You feel the anxiety and you try to visualise yourself going over, introducing yourself and completely captivating her with your presence.
However, for some reason, you just can’t see it in your mind. You then give up on yourself or the visualisation technique and just go to the bar and order a drink. Later that night, you look for another technique on the internet.
To avoid this situation, it is better to first delve into your own positive memories before attempting to construct a new visualisation. One of the best ways to program our subconscious in a positive way is to spend time visualising our positive memories first.
Simply remember a time when you felt fantastic and everything seemed to go right. For the situation above, choose a time when you approached somebody and it went amazingly well. Visualize the memory in as much detail as possible in your mind and really feel those emotions. If there were a few nights like this, then picture each one of them.
Spend as much time as you like on each image. The best way to know if you are doing it right is to consult your emotions. If your emotions are positive, you are on the right track. Really concentrate on it.
Concentration involves a focusing of the attention so that one’s entire field of attention is thrown into whatever it is that one is doing. After a while, you will start to feel great and you will feel your emotions begin to rise. At this point, switch your focus to the woman you want to approach and see how much your powers of visualisation have improved.
Step One
Access successful memories from the past, when you felt yourself to be charismatic and excellent.
Step Two
Visualise the intended approach and really see yourself as amazingly charismatic and getting the same responses as in the memories.
Emotion
By creating a mental slideshow in your mind of your good moments, you will easily be able to change your state. The more you access these memories, the better you will get and the quicker you will be able to change state. The key is emotion.
The more emotion you exude, the stronger your state will be and the better it will work. Replay it over and over, pump it up, make it feel real, and magic will happen.
Stephen Nolan has appeared in “Battle of the Sexes” as a dating coach and has featured on TV3 speaking on the success of Kama Lifestyles courses.
He has also been featured in many of Ireland’s leading newspapers, including the Irish Times, the Sunday Tribune, Evening Herald for his work with dating coaching and relationship management. He has also spoken on RTE Radio One, 2Fm, Beat 102, South East Radio, Phantom Fm, WLRFM, Dublin’s Q102 and 4FM.
For more tips and advice visit www.kamalifestyles.com
How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection by Women
The biggest reason that guys don’t approach is fear of rejection. Fear, uncertainty and doubt are, and have always been, the greatest enemies of success and achievement. For this reason, in order to develop your social skill-set, you must work continually to confront the fears that hold you as a person back.
In order to become an attractive man and create successful relationships, it’s something you have to practice. The two major fears that stand as the greatest obstacles on your road to success are the fear of failure and the fear of rejection. These are the two major enemies you must overcome. It is interesting to note that it is not failure or rejection that hurts you or holds you back.
It is the fear of failure or rejection. It is the anticipation or expectation of failure or rejection that paralyzes you and blocks you from approaching that girl you are attracted to. If you see a girl you are attracted to, instead of thinking of the reasons that you should approach her, most guys do the opposite and focus their attention on why they should not approach. Some of what they visualize is contained in the following
• The girl will think you are strange or weird
• People around her will realize that you are hitting on her
• Her boyfriend will come up and assault you
• She will laugh at you
• She will ignore you
The truth is that everyone is afraid of something and is insecure in some area. Everyone you meet is afraid of failure and rejection in some way and is dealing with the same fear as you are. Once you understand this, it can help to free your mind.
The difference between the hero and the coward is that the hero holds his ground slightly longer. The average person will use every excuse to avoid the fear-causing situation. The brave person committees himself to understanding and confronting his fear.
Everybody is insecure in some area of their lives. Once you realize that nobody expects you to be perfect, you will lose much of your emotional baggage. Most of the time, when you approach a girl, she is just as nervous as you are and is focusing on forming a good impression with you. If she is quiet, then she may be simply shy but you assume that she has a negative attitude towards you. You start to think and believe such thoughts as
• I am not good enough for her
• She will lose interest in me
• She is too beautiful
Just think for a moment about your previous beliefs and the price you have paid for believing these limiting beliefs and how they held you back. Some of our beliefs were the result of other people’s comments to us and we continue to lead our lives well below our true potential. As you are reading this right now, ask yourself the following question:
“Are you ready disregard your old harmful beliefs and to embrace new beliefs and feelings”
To get more tips on how to attract women get your copy of “The Score” that has nearly 300 pages of information that will ultimately SKYROCKET YOUR SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.
