“Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it” – Jane Thompson.

JOE’s dating expert Stephen Nolan tells why smiling is so important for pulling women and how to get good at it.

Of all the things you do when you approach somebody new, your smile is the most important.

Happiness is often the motivating cause of a smile and if you approach a group while smiling, you will come across as relaxed, confident and fun. Also, most smiles are started by another smile as whatever you project to a person emotionally; they will generally project it back to you.

Thus, if you can succeed in getting the group to smile and laugh in the first few seconds with you then you have successfully started the interaction and have made everybody in the group feel good.

By smiling, you will also have a positive effect on your own psychology. Many people feel that if you smile you are letting your guard down and it takes some of your power away. While smiling does show a little vulnerability, that makes it even more effective and powerful.

Positive

The world always appears to be brighter when you smile. You will begin to think more positively and it will really help to put you in state. If you are having trouble smiling or you are simply not in a good mood, try laughing as this will easily transition into a smile. Picture something that made you laugh hysterically and that memory will help fuel a full blown smile.

Not just any smile will do. You need to learn how to develop a genuine, infectious smile that can make people like you the moment they meet you and cause every group you approach to welcome you. Learn to develop your smile. You don’t need perfect teeth to achieve a fantastic smile but they certainly do help.

Keep your teeth clean. Regularly brushing your teeth and making sure your breath is fresh are some prerequisites to a good smile. If your teeth are less than white, get them cleaned or professionally polished.

Use your eyes to smile. People are only starting to finally realise that the eyes may actually be more essential to a warm, genuine smile than smiling with your mouth. To smile with your eyes, you slightly raise your cheekbones and lower your eyebrows, to give your eyes that twinkling effect.

Practice

To become good at smiling with your eyes, practice smiling in front of a mirror, concentrating only on your eyes. Cover your mouth with your hand so you can only see your eyes. Practice smiling with your mouth only and your eyes only. Soon you will become aware of the muscles used to make your eyes smile and begin to use them every time you smile.

The secret is to approach while the smile is already on your lips and twinkling in your eyes before you make eye contact. It will seem natural when it is conveyed as how you are and not as something you do.

If you open the group, make eye contact and then smile, you may come across as awkward and fake. The person will feel uncomfortable and you will not come across as a confident, fun guy but rather as somebody who has put her on the spot. If you approach and you are already smiling or laughing, and you suddenly catch a person’s eye, they will return your smile as, just like yawning, smiles are contagious.

As well as JOE.ie’s dating expert Stephen has appeared in “Battle of the Sexes” as a dating coach and has featured on TV3 speaking on the success of Kama Lifestyles courses.

He has also been featured in many of Ireland’s leading newspapers, including the Irish Times, the Sunday Tribune, Evening Herald for his work with dating coaching and relationship management. He has also spoken on RTE Radio One, 2Fm, Beat 102, South East Radio, Phantom Fm, WLRFM, Dublin’s Q102 and 4FM.

For more tips and advice visit www.kamalifestyles.com

Next up was a spot of horrifying-yet-probably-necessary-given-the-circumstances role playing. We stood in groups pretending to be girls while a student strutted jauntily past, casually remarking on our beauty before stopping to chit-chat.

Points of possible improvement were dished out but there was little time to digest them – because it was time to hit the mean streets of Temple Bar to put them to work on the heel-wearing half of its populace.

Stephen explained what would happen next as we worked our way through the throngs of people still in the early stages of drunkenness. We would go into as many bars as we could and approach as many women as possible.

The Temple Bar itself was chosen as our first venue and as we pushed through the masses of predominantly non-Irish punters, Stephen was already clicking into gear – smiling and firing casual comments at groups of girls. “We’ll come back to them later,” he said after a brief chat with some English 20-somethings.

Myself, Stephen and the small, angry foreign chap found ourselves in the smoking area with a group of girls standing opposite.

With the rest of the group trailing behind and the bar packed to the rafters, it was only a matter of time before we started to separate. As it happened, myself, Stephen and the small, angry foreign chap found ourselves in the smoking area with a group of girls standing opposite.

The principle of participatory journalism dictates that all things must be tried when on the job, so when Stephen nodded towards them, I had no choice other than to dive headlong into the fray.

As it turned out, we were actually dealing with two pairs of girls so while Stephen concentrated his efforts on one duo, I had a crack at another. Among other things we were told that standing in a confident manner, maintaining eye contact and smiling a lot were key.

It was to some degree a statement of the obvious, but it struck me that for the more socially awkward man, doing these three things properly could be a revelation.

Fortunate

I was fortunate to discover that the girls I landed in front of were friendly sorts who were happy to chat away with a random stranger. By a further stroke of luck, one of them worked next to the obscure housing estate in far flung county Dublin I grew up in – so I focused my attentions on her.

Other than a concerned, whispered question as to whether I had come here with the strange, swarthy, down-cast little man that hovered at the fringes of our conversation, the banter flowed harmlessly along.

I noticed at one point that I was being watched by my fellow travellers so, although I had only met the girls 10 minutes previously, I decided to chance my arm and see if I could get a number before we moved on. Sadly, Ciara informed me that she was seeing somebody. The thought of being knocked back in full view of the boys spurred me on to hazard a bold move so I turned to her blonde bombshell friend Niamh.

“Looks like you’ll have to give me your number instead so,” I said, grinning outwardly while dying on the inside.

“I’m not giving you my number after you asked my friend first!” she replied.

“The only reason I asked her first is because she works around the corner from me. I had nothing to put between the two of you. She’s just more convenient.”

The bare-faced cheek of the remark won the day and I came away with a number.

“Don’t worry about it lads,” I said with jutting chin and puffed chest to one of the students who hadn’t fared as well. “I’ll be kicking off my own seminars soon.”

The sheer volume of approaches meant more numbers were gathered, but there was also no shortage of that belittling, dismissive, frosty glare only Irish women can muster.

The rest of the evening was spent literally drag trawling bar after bar, approaching all the best looking women in each venue. I was no stranger to going on the pull, but it was normally a fairly free-range affair. This was full-blown battery farm.

The sheer volume of approaches meant more numbers were gathered, but there was also no shortage of that belittling, dismissive, frosty glare only Irish women can muster.

Overall, though, the exercise was enjoyable and promptly eradicated any approach anxiety I might have had about marching up to the best looking girl in a bar stone cold sober and talking bullshit at her until I got her number.

The other students seemed to warm into it too. A body can only pump out the required amount of adrenaline needed to cripple a man with anxiety for so long – keep your head in the mouth of a crocodile for long enough and, eventually, you’ll relax. So it proved with the students who by the end were clearly suffering less from girl-related terror than they had been when the evening kicked off.

Lady Killer

Some argue that any man can develop into a lady killer thorough diligent application of the type of knowledge imparted at events like the one I popped along to. Sadly, I don’t think this isn’t the case – it’s written in the stars that some people are destined to struggle.

That said, unless you’re rich, famous or embarrassingly handsome, not every girl will fall into your arms. Happily, this stuff is capable of helping any of us keep the number of women who don’t to a bare minimum.

“You just arrived in the bar and you are at the counter, ordering drinks. You see a very attractive woman across the room, looking over in your direction. She is smiling at you…

“Wait! She could just have been smiling anyway and happened to glance in my direction…I mean, I don’t even know her”

You’re intrigued, but before you find the courage to speak to her, you need to know for sure:

Is she flirting with you?”

Basic attraction is something that is known and felt from within. There are consistent and identifiable messages that women send to signal interest in men. Yet so many guys miss these signals or, as in the story above, even refuse to acknowledge them. Ask yourself, have you ever spent endless hours chatting to somebody you are attracted to, but still had no idea if they were attracted to you? So many people worry about reading gestures wrong and getting rejected. If only there was a certain method that would reveal the truth in one’s mind!

There are in fact some signs of attraction you can use as guideline to know if the person is romantically interested in you. There is a way of gauging the attraction between two people and a way of knowing when is the best time to make a move. The answer is body language. Body language can reveal a lot about a person and can definitely be used to know about somebody’s feelings and thoughts. Once you broaden your awareness and become good at reading people’s body language, you will know when a person is romantically inclined or simply being friendly.

Read below to discover some interesting body language signs of attraction and figure out the potential of your future conversations.

• Strong, confident and unwavering eye contact eye contact can be very powerful and often means the person is attracted to or at least interested in you.

• If a woman is comfortable with a guy and is feeling sexy, she will tilt her head to show her neck or touch her neck frequently.

• The way a woman blows smoke out and holds her cigarette will tell you a lot about how she is feeling.

• If you’re talking to a woman who likes you, you can tell if she’s feeling a little horny if her nostrils flare. In fact, flaring nostrils are an irrefutable sign of sexual arousal.

• One of the most universal signs of attraction is the smile. If the person you are attracted to is smiling back at you, then you know things are going well.

• If she touches you while talking, that is also another of the body language signs of attraction. All men love the feel of a woman’s touch and she knows this and it is probably the most powerful flirting technique.

• If you are flirting with her and she constantly leans in while talking or listening, then you can be fairly sure that attraction exists between you. Do not move back or move away while she is trying to lean over you, because her reason is to become closer to you.

• Many women know that licking their lips is something that men find sexy. When she does this, a woman is telling you that she likes you and wants your attention.

• Body language makes up a very big part in the first moments of courtship, and by watching her hands, you will learn so much about her intentions.

• Copying the actions, gestures and gesticulations of the person you are attracted to, is one of the obvious body language signs of attraction. It’s natural to mirror someone you like, so if there is someone who likes you, the body language will show.

• Playing with hair can be one of the most obvious signs of female attraction. It is a very sexy gesture and twirling and tossing draws a man’s eye to it.

• Feet play an important part in communication and can tell a great deal about the level of attraction involved. As a general rule, if you are standing or sitting and are attracted to someone your right foot will be pointing in their direction

• The area at the back of your wrists is known to be mildly erotic. If the woman is interested, she will naturally display her wrists to you while she is in conversation.

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As always, comments are welcome and encouraged. Thanks!

“Have you ever seen a guy who just seems to “have it” with women? They always have the right thing to say and are incredible at building attraction through humor…Most of the conversation is usually spent in role-play.

Once you apply this skill, you too will bring your game to the next level. Role-playing is a wonderful tool for creating incredible sexual tension with a woman. This one element could really transform your interactions and allow your playful side to emerge.

The beauty of role playing is that you get to be anyone you want, and you create your own reality as inhibitions slowly diminish into nothingness. Your best bet is to start off with something simple such as giving her a nickname.

If you suggest it in the right way, she will be amused and buy into your frame with enthusiasm. Role playing can be so much fun and allows you to add a sexual element into your interaction. The fun part about this is that you can laugh and have a good time whilst doing it. You should introduce banter into every interaction and allow your playful side to come across.

The essence of banter is role-playing. In your interactions, you should establish a role for the two of you can then act out in a playful way. Role-playing allows you to connect with the other person in ways she may not have experienced before. You can start role-playing in the first few minutes of the interaction.

It allows you to be physical and touch her. You can hold her hand, rub her shoulders, squeeze her leg-whatever you choose and make it part of the role-play…without mauling her, of course. By touching her while you role-play, you can easily make a connection with her and nothing is more important to a woman than a deep connection.

Role-playing is an art as well as a skill. It’s easy to make someone feel comfortable or even attached to you by having them place you in their thought process and pretend to do things with you. This is a simple method to have someone warm up to you and to easily get to know them.

Role-playing works so much better than just using the odd witty line. If you say a funny line, then you are just a guy that made a joke. However, if you can start role-playing, you can have a much more fun and playful interaction. You can branch off into anydirection and really let your creativity flow as you build rapport.

Examples of Role-playing include:

Little Sister/Older Brother

• You could call her a little brat and pretend that you are her older brother, who knows what’s best for her…You can pretend to send her to her room when she is bold…you can also assume that all her friends have a crush on you and tell her how annoying it is to hear them giggling when you walk into the room etc.

Artist at Work

• Create a role-play in which she is the artist and you are the art. Tell her that she has to capture your smile like the Mona Lisa painting…What background should I have? With or without clothes? Are you up to it?

Flirting Teacher

• Set up the role that one of you is the dating doctor and your patient has come looking for flirting tips. Make up a scenario where you have to prepare them for a date and give them advice…Give them tips on body language and kissing.

Student/Teacher

• You’ve decided to play the student/teacher role-play with you being the teacher of course. This scenario is full of potential: power dynamics and an opportunity for sexual bribery. What happens when you are in charge of detention after school and there are other people there? Do you let them off early and keep her for a little longer?

It’s all about making her feel good and creating an “our world reality”. You can also change assumed roles, and the result is a funny and charming interaction. Adding details to the role-play will not only give you more ideas for the fantasy, but it can really help get you in character and make the role play come to life. I have used all the above role-plays when flirting with women. Without fail, the result is giant smiles and laughter.

To get more tips on how to attract women get your copy of “The Score” that has nearly 300 pages of information that will ultimately SKYROCKET YOUR SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.

You should aim to become a master at story-telling. A master storyteller can turn even the most boring occurrence into something captivating and exciting, and once you become skilled in this art, you will easily be able to present

yourself in your best possible light. However, you don’t have to focus on every particular detail of the story. Remember, Storytelling is an art, not a science. You are not obliged to include boring or unnecessary facts or

keep things in chronological order. Rather than simply stating facts, you want to focus on creating emotions, while subtly slipping into the story your attractive qualities.

Your story should create many different types of emotions in your listener such as laughter, suspense, curiosity, respect and even awe. Once you master storytelling, you will become a master of emotions. Your aim is to make people empathize with the emotions in the story and allow them to experience the whole spectrum of feelings and if you achieve this, you will truly captivate them.

Each of your longer stories should create tension, forcing your listener to wonder what will happen next. Just at the point when the tension is at its peak, you release everything you have just built up with a single wave of emotion, creating a sense of relief. You have just succeeded in making them physically feel something with you. That is very powerful.

Now that you have been asked about the topic, it is time to deliver the story itself. You now have an opportunity to separate yourself from other guys early on, by telling her a story that hits on many of your positive qualities, such as your confidence, leadership, sense of humour, ambition etc. As you tell it, she will naturally read between the lines, and look for clues to see what type of person you are.

You should be aware that you are not just telling a story but rather giving a representation of you as a person. So how can you ensure that your particular story is exciting, while representing you in your best possible light? Just keep the following points in mind when you are writing up your story.

“Never make up stories. Instead find stories from your life in which you displayed some of the qualities shown above”

You must convey your personality into the story. You do this by highlighting certain attractive qualities about yourself into the story. There is no one quality that every single person is magnetically attracted to. Each value that you demonstrate is relative to the person. What is valuable to one person may not be valuable to the next. That is why it is important to demonstrate more than one attractive quality in your story. For example, one woman might see a guy surrounded by beautiful women and be hugely attracted to him as a result, while another woman might view the same guy as a player and be turned off.

Another man might find out, while talking to a woman, that she is famous and he might want to shy away from the limelight, while another guy might jump at the chance to get some press. Each person may value different qualities in people. Many people view value as simply possessions or successes. While these are indeed indicators of value, the real examples of value are the qualities that caused you to achieve these goals. The twelve main qualities are listed above and you must convey these qualities in your stories. An example of how to do this is shown below:

“Oh you play basketball…Have you ever heard of a player called Shaquille O’Neil…I visited Miami last year with my Hurling team…

We won the League and as a result of being the captain I got to decide where to go on our holiday…I chose to go to Miami for two weeks Miami for two weeks…It was an absolutely amazing Trip…On the first night, we went out to the bar and the atmosphere was amazing…Me and my friend Dermot saw two girls standing at the bar with a guy, and we approached them and began a conversation…The girl I was talking to was called Karen and we got go really well together…She had a great personality and we really connected with each other…Over the two weeks, I met her six times and on the second last date, she asked me if I wanted to go to a basketball match…I said I would like to go but I heard that the tickets were very difficult to find.

She assured me that she would have no problem getting the tickets and I asked her where she would get them…She told me that she was a cheerleader for Miami Heat and she had access to tickets at any time…So we went to the Match and it was fantastic…The colour, excitement and fanfare of the whole event was amazing and I really enjoyed it…We also had ringside seats so we could see the action perfectly… After the Match, she asked me if I wanted to meet the players and I said that I would love to…These players are world famous and are paid millions per year…

We went to the dressing room and I met all the players…The last guy I met was Shaquille O’Neil and this guy is absolutely enormous…He stands seven feet two inches in height and when I shook hands with him, his hand wrapped totally around mine…I spoke to him for five minutes and when he found out that I was from Ireland, he said he had relations there and he loved Irish people…He then gave me his Basketball Jersey and signed it…Yeah, it was really cool

“I have a Picture of Me, Shaquille and Karen on my phone…Check it out!”

The story above contains embedded values, which creates attraction and stimulates emotions in the listener. The listener learns a lot about the personality of the person telling the story, and as a result of the attractive qualities, his value rises.

The embedded values in the story are as follows:

• Preselection – This person can date very beautiful women, such as cheerleaders, as show in the picture. He can also keep a relationship.
• Confidence – He approached a group in the bar and was not put off by the fact that there was a guy in the group
• Interesting Lifestyle – He plays sport professionally and has travelled so he has an exciting lifestyle
• Social – When he goes to a bar, he can meet new people and easily make new friends.
• Leadership – He is the captain of his team and they won the league.

Once you master storytelling, you will become a master of emotions.

To get more tips on how to attract women get your copy of “The Score” that has nearly 300 pages of information that will ultimately SKYROCKET YOUR SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.

One of the most common mistakes that people make is that once they start having fun with somebody, they escalate the interaction, without finding out about the other person’s personality and character. As a result, you have no real idea what this person is actually like.

Through your story-telling they may know your attractive qualities and have a good idea of the type of person you are, but, because you have not taken the time to get to know them properly, there is no compelling reason for them to consider escalation the attraction.

When you do take the time to get to know the other person, you will reach a new level of comfort with the other person. By the other person confiding in you, an emotional connection will be created and this will bring you closer together. By using the tools in the earlier chapter, you will have succeeded in creating a great first impression and a strong connection. It is time to get to know the person a little better.

You must remember that somebody will only open up to you once they are attracted so do not qualify them until you know attraction is present. In order to create and maintain an emotional connection with her, you must go a little deeper and try to find out the type of person she really is. The last thing you want to do is to give off the vibe of a player, who simply takes her number and leaves, leaving her feeling cold, used, and impersonal.

To deepen the connection, you need to understand one another and begin to form a relationship. You want to deepen the rapport and really get to know this person. In order to get to know anybody, you have to be willing to share personal information about yourself. The simple act can create incredible comfort between two people. It is important to only discuss topics that both of you will be comfortable talking about. Try to keep a distance from any negative topics as you should aim to create and share positive emotions.

Some sample topics are listed below:

• Family/Social Circle Relationships
• Important Characteristics
• Animals
• Ambitions
• Sports
• Passions in Life
• Travel
• Hobbies
• Her values and your values
• Childhood experiences
• Friendship

These topics are excellent for learning about her experiences and sharing about yourself. Try to keep away from boring or vague topics that you have no real interest in. What fake interest, when you can discuss actual topics that you are genuinely interested in. Some questions you might ask are shown below:

• “What’s the most breathtaking thing you’ve ever seen?”
• “If you could be anything you want, what would you choose?”
• “What is your best memory?”

The more comfort you build with her, the more you will understand each other better and the greater the connection.

The biggest reason that guys don’t approach is fear of rejection. Fear, uncertainty and doubt are, and have always been, the greatest enemies of success and achievement. For this reason, in order to develop your social skill-set, you must work continually to confront the fears that hold you as a person back.

In order to become an attractive man and create successful relationships, it’s something you have to practice. The two major fears that stand as the greatest obstacles on your road to success are the fear of failure and the fear of rejection. These are the two major enemies you must overcome. It is interesting to note that it is not failure or rejection that hurts you or holds you back.

It is the fear of failure or rejection. It is the anticipation or expectation of failure or rejection that paralyzes you and blocks you from approaching that girl you are attracted to. If you see a girl you are attracted to, instead of thinking of the reasons that you should approach her, most guys do the opposite and focus their attention on why they should not approach. Some of what they visualize is contained in the following

•    The girl will think you are strange or weird

•    People around her will realize that you are hitting on her

•    Her boyfriend will come up and assault you

•    She will laugh at you

•    She will ignore you

The truth is that everyone is afraid of something and is insecure in some area. Everyone you meet is afraid of failure and rejection in some way and is dealing with the same fear as you are. Once you understand this, it can help to free your mind.

The difference between the hero and the coward is that the hero holds his ground slightly longer. The average person will use every excuse to avoid the fear-causing situation. The brave person committees himself to understanding and confronting his fear.

Everybody is insecure in some area of their lives. Once you realize that nobody expects you to be perfect, you will lose much of your emotional baggage. Most of the time, when you approach a girl, she is just as nervous as you are and is focusing on forming a good impression with you. If she is quiet, then she may be simply shy but you assume that she has a negative attitude towards you. You start to think and believe such thoughts as

•    I am not good enough for her

•    She will lose interest in me

•    She is too beautiful

Just think for a moment about your previous beliefs and the price you have paid for believing these limiting beliefs and how they held you back. Some of our beliefs were the result of other people’s comments to us and we continue to lead our lives well below our true potential. As you are reading this right now, ask yourself the following question:

“Are you ready disregard your old harmful beliefs and to embrace new beliefs and feelings”

To get more tips on how to attract women get your copy of “The Score” that has nearly 300 pages of information that will ultimately SKYROCKET YOUR SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.