Byline: by Anne Gildea

RECENTLY I realised that I’ve given up on love. The last chap I fell for presented himself as available — then, surprise surprise, what I thought was a relationship was his seedy affair. After that, my hopes of a genuine monogamous relationship seemed to fade.

Before Mr Cheat there was Mr Internet Dating. He had many of the qualities I look for — he was tall, handsome, intelligent, worldly, well-travelled. So many qualities, indeed, that it was obvious I was never going to be his priority. I let that situation drag on for several years before I decided, actually, being a priority does matter — even if the guy is almost perfect. Before him I dated Mr Amsterdam. The trouble with seeing someone who lives in another country is that they live in another country. Again, it took a few years for that to hit home. Before him was Mr Terribly Nice — nice to the point of not being attractive. But his niceness was a tonic, when compared with his predecessors, Mr Alcohol and Mr Drug User.

So, three years ago, after the last heartbreak, I gave up. I was afraid of being hurt again. I’m 43 with a great life and my own home, I didn’t honestly feel like I needed to bother.

And it’s not like it’s easy to meet new men anyway. I’m out of practice and many of my buddies are paired off. Now my social life mostly consists of going to the cinema or having pints or dinner with friends.

That’s not how it used to be. I used to love clubbing. One Saturday recently, I went out dancing with a friend. Big mistake.

I felt like Granny Gildea getting down with ‘de yoot’. This is still, despite our so-called liberalism, a conservative country. When you’re in your forties, you’re meant to be at home with your kids and hubby, not out on the town.

At weekends, Dublin city centre is overrun with bimbos in short skirts. It seems, in some places at least, to be a necessity to get a man’s attention. The scene is boozy, ugly, it lacks any finesse, and it feels as if there’s no place for someone like me.

So where do I go to meet men? And what do I do? I’ve always been a terrible flirt. I need some help — professional help — in the form of ‘dating training company’, Kama Lifestyles.

‘Our dating coaches will show you the rules of dating, from how to approach, meet and attract any person you choose, and create successful relationships,’ say UCD graduate and Wexford hurler Stephen Nolan and Turkish entrepreneur and life coach Emre Ilkme, founders of the dating company.

The pair of tall, handsome, confident charmers have agreed to put me through a bespoke coaching session, a two-hour theory lesson, followed by two hours of ‘in-field’ training.

To begin, Emre goes through the basics: ‘Guys are visual, so look nice. Be assertive, it’s sexy. Play with your hair. Smile.’ I half take in it, but what I’m really interested in is the next bit — The Method.

‘The two crucial ingredients in getting the relationship you want are confidence and connection,’ says Stephen. ‘You need the confidence to make the initial contact, and the ability to connect so you can move things forward.’ That means spotting a target in a bar, and moving in. I feel nauseous just thinking about going up to someone in a bar and instigating chit chat because I’m actually attracted to them. They diagnose me with AA — approach anxiety.

‘You have limiting beliefs,’ Emre says.

‘We can change that.’ Stephen tells me I need to ‘look available’.

‘Stand on your own or with one other woman,’ he says. ‘Make sure you’re in the traffic lane where people are going by. If a cute guy walks by, smile at him and say hi. Women never do this and it’s so simple and effective,’ he adds.

‘Men will usually approach in groups. If two guys come up, touch only the guy you’re attracted to, to give clear attraction signals. The only exception to this rule is a handshake.’ I learn that once you’ve spotted your prey you ‘get yourself into proximity to the target’. Once in position, as it were, you hunt or wait to be hunted.

If you wait, you need to play an ‘attraction gambit’, like repeated eye contact ‘beyond the point which is comfortable’ or flicking your hair.

If you don’t, you need to make an approach and think of an opener. Openers, it turns out, fall into two camps — the direct or the situational.

A direct opener is ‘Hi, I like your shoes’. Situational would be ‘That guy over there looks likes Bono’.

Cringe. All the while, you have to watch out for SOI and SOD, signs of interest and disinterest. Signs of disinterest include darting eyes, a fake smile, feet pointing away and closed body language.

The final stage is Isolation. ‘You need to isolate the guy to get to the next level,’ says Emre, explaining how this involves corralling him away from his tribe so you can get his number.

After two hours of coaching, we move into the field. Outside the Westbury Hotel Emre spots a potential group.

‘Which of the guys over there do you find most attractive?’ he asks.

‘The one in the V-neck I suppose,’ I reply. He’s tall, good-looking and intimidating.

‘Come on so,’ he says. I panic. I can’t see how I’m going to start a chat with this guy. He’s already engrossed in conversation with a woman.

Plus the group — they appear to be American — seem totally closed off.

‘We’re going to walk over beside them, I’m going to tell you I like your jacket, and ask you where you got it. Then I want you to turn to him and ask him if he likes your jacket,’ Emre explains.

I’m shaking.

‘You can,’ he argues. A can/can’t exchange ensues, until he gently takes my arm and says: ‘Let’s do it.’ We walk straight over to the group, Emresays his bit, but I can’t play along. They give us the ‘what-the-hell-areyou-doing’ look. I am mortified. Meanwhile, Stephen has moved around the other side of the group and is chatting away. Next thing I know, he’s introducing me to the man beside Mr V-neck. Then Stephen leaves.

After a couple of moments regaining my composure, I settle.

I end up having a lovely chat with a Californian businessman here for a conference.

Mr California loves Ireland, thinks Obama will be re-elected and that the U.S. is in economic recovery. Better still, while we’re chatting I notice Mr V-neck eyeing me up.

I am in my element. And then I’m whisked away. ‘Anne,’ Emre calls, ‘we’re going now.’ I say goodbye to Mr California and Mr V-neck.

Although I gave up smoking years ago, I’m forced to light up a cigarette to calm my nerves after the shock of being thrown into that situation.

And as much as I enjoyed it, I notice that I’m still shaking.

Next we’re off to The Bank bar on Dame Street. Stephen breaks the ice with my second ‘approach’, Mr Rather-Staid-and-Boring-Bavarian. But he’s practice. We chat for ten minutes — I’m not drinking, he’s finishing a pint.

Once I suppress the notion that he might think I’m some kind of loon, it’s quite an easy, casual chat. And it’s me who ends it.

Next target. I settle on two cute 20-somethings. I saunter up and ask one where he got his T-shirt. He’s flattered.

The three of us get a laugh out of his answer, ‘Blanchardstown Shopping Centre’.

Soon, we’re having a lovely chat. They’re German and working in the IT industry here. When Emre appears again saying we have to move onto our next venue, Mr T-shirt and Mr T-shirt’s friend are disappointed. I’ve just had a successful flirt with two young guys.

Do I feel good? Do I need to answer that? I haven’t felt this way for, well, ages. I thought these kind of situations were a thing of the past.

I’m feeling more attractive than I have in 20 years. Our next venue is the Temple Bar. I scan the place, and choose the most attractive men I see. This time my opener is ‘Are you tourists?’.

Bland, yes, but who cares? It works. I end up nattering to two Turkish businessmen. They give me lots of SOI — open body language, smiles and laughter. They even offer to buy me a drink but I decline. This is, after all, a professional mission.

I can’t help noticing that none of the guys I’ve met are Irish. An American friend of mine thinks Irish men can be uncomfortable chatting to a woman.

She believes that if they like a woman, they’re immediately thinking about getting her into bed, and that they’ve little genuine interest in a woman’s company. I think there’s a little truth to that. Maybe that’s why I enjoyed not meeting any natives this evening.

By the end of the night I feel like I’ve discovered a secret power. The experience was less about finding Mr Right and more about learning how to find Mr Right.

As Stephen said earlier while we were discussing the approach theory: ‘Eventually you’ll just start to see strangers as friends you haven’t met yet.’ So cheesy, but so true.

I would never have ‘approached’ a stranger I fancied before. Emre and Stephen suggest that if you what to meet someone, you should be ‘approaching’ all the time, in any situation. I feel my tutorial has shown me how it’s possible to do that, and given me the confidence to have a go. In that regard, it’s been life changing.

The following night I’m out in the pub with a bunch of girlfriends, telling them about the experience. ‘Okay, show us your new skills — pick a guy and go for it,’ they say.

‘Erm, not tonight I’m wrecked,’ I say, truthfully. And I will. I find myself scanning the room, noting who I like, and visualising approaching them. This is the way I look at the world now. The pub has become my smorgasbord, and I shall feast upon it.

It’s a whole new me…

Shit with women? Help is here – in the form of in-field training that involves approaching real life girls and receiving feedback and pointers. But does it work? JOE went along to find out.

By Robert Carry

The thought of approaching a group of women in a bar is enough to strike terror into the heart of many a chap, but the fear of spending night after night in an empty bed before dying alone without anyone noticing until your neighbours complain of the smell, can be a great motivator. So, more and more men, with varying degrees of social fluency, are looking at how they can improve their success rate with the mysterious, wonderful, yet sometimes terrifying opposite sex.

Legions of men have been swearing by the tutorage of the likes of Neil Strauss, who shot to fame when he released The Game. The book was built around his account of his time spent honing his skills with women to the point where he was beating off beautiful celebrities with a shitty stick.

The book helped trigger a massive surge in interest in the concept that there was a body of knowledge out there that, if learned, practiced and perfected, could turn the average bloke into girl heroin. However, there is only so much to be learned from books and demand for face-to-face guidance birthed a string of companies offering to help students of the discipline.

Sociology

Kama Lifestyles, headed by psychology and sociology graduate Stephen Nolan, has come to be seen as the leading light here in Ireland. The firm offers one-on-one training, seminars and boot-camps. However, they also operate field trips that involve taking students out, showing them how to approach women, watching them give it a crack and then giving advice based on performance.

JOE journalists live under a constant state of siege with overly amorous women attempting to sexually assault us every time we leave the office to get a breakfast roll from the garage. We don’t even pay most of them. Nonetheless, one of us (that’ll be me) was given the opportunity to go along to a Kama Lifestyles event to see if there wasn’t a tip or two we could pick up and share with the world.

The event began with a two-hour seminar in the Temple Bar Hotel, at which Stephen and fellow tutor Emre took the floor. The students in attendance were very much a mixed bag. One bloke was friendly, well-turned out, of sound mind and body, and free of any visible flaws that might prove fatal when approaching a group of women.

At the other end of the scale was a diminutive, aimlessly aggressive, bizarrely dressed lad equipped with a poor standard of English. Talking to English-speaking women with crap English might prove problematic, I imagined.

They kicked off by showing secretly filmed footage of the duo working their way into groups of women before coming away with a number.

The seminar was well put together and the tutors had a clear view of what they hoped to achieve with the students during the evening. It kicked off with guidelines on how to deal with the most difficult part of getting yourself a girlfriend/companion for the evening – the approach.

Understandably, the pair were eager to demonstrate the fact that they were not aiming to teach anything that they were not capable of doing themselves, so they kicked off by showing secretly filmed footage of the duo working their way into groups of women before coming away with a number.

The interactions looked at first to be casual affairs but once broken down were actually made up of a sequence of slavishly practiced techniques. In other words, the pair was not relying on any natural attraction that may or may not occur – they were winning digits through a skill set that could be learned. Theoretically, by anyone.

Click here to find out what happened when JOE hit the streets >>>

or seven days, Kama Lifestyles team will take you on a journey that will change your dating life forever. This is the most advanced program on the market and it is strictly designed for those who are serious about achieving the best results possible and completely transform their success with women.

This is no ordinary bootcamp.. This is no ordinary holiday.. It’s a life changing experience. The maxium number of students we are taking is 10. We will be staying in the very best location, in the centre of all of the ibiza hotspots. Our dating seminars will be held everyday, and later we will hit the beach and clubs, and, to make things even more exciting, you and your group will be given assignments and missions to complete.

Imagine being coached professionally for seven days straight. Imagine approaching some of the most beautiful women in the world and creating instant attraction. Our coaches are fully dedicated to teaching you the art of attraction and ensuring that you perfect this area of your life – once and for all. And remember, this all happens in ibiza, the #1 party destination in the world.

Stephen and Emre have spent several months writing “The Score” and in this book they shares his secrets to meeting and attracting any women you choose to creating a successful relationship.

They have compiled over 200 pages of information that will ultimately SKYROCKET YOUR SUCCESS WITH WOMEN. They have already training hundreds of men from all ages and plans to teach both men and women all around the world.

In this book they teach a learnable process that guarantees to improve your social skills and boost their success with women immediately. I am already half way through the book and most of the stuff that was covered in the bootcamp is contained in this amazing eBook along with alot of new material.

As soon as i finish reading it i look forward to testing it in the real world, the teaching contained in this book has already worked for alot of guys and it will work for you too.

It is easy to read and understand and i highly recommend it to beginners or advanced guys as it was written for those who want to obtain complete success in their relationships and have more choice with women.

The Ebook will also be available in Audio (CD) soon!

For those who have already read the book please leave a review below.

For more info go to The Score – How to Create a Successful Relationship

Jay

In the next 30 seconds, you will learn the secrets of attraction and begin to adopt the mindsets that 99% of men lack when it comes attracting more women into their life or finding that perfect person.

Kama lifestyles is Ireland’s #1 Dating Training Company, and our goal is simple, we want to teach you how to attract and meet any woman you choose. Our team of world class dating coaches are fully dedicated in helping you realize your full potential.

In this letter I’m going to tell you exactly what happens in the Bootcamp. I’m also going to include some comments from guys who have taken the Dating Bootcamp, and I’ll even provide you with a few links to Bootcamp review websites for unbiased 3rd party opinions.

You see, I want you to be certain that this is for you.

Watch the video below to view what our Boot-camps are all about…

The Kama lifestyles Dating Bootcamp is the Most Advanced Training Program on the market. The Kama lifestyles team are fully dedicated to producing a result in you and the skills that you will learn on the Bootcamp will be with you for the rest of your life.

The Boot-camps are held over two days in a five star hotel– “The Westbury”. They involve 8-10 hours of theory and 10 hours of practice. During the day, we meet the guys in a hotel conference room, we work on introducing positive empowering beliefs into your life and we also show you how to deal with any negative limiting beliefs you may have, such as fear of approaching, fear of rejection etc. Our Subjects include

• An Understanding of Male-female Psychology
• How to develop your Alpha Male Qualities
• How to Lead the Relationship
• How to Understand Yourself and your Emotions
• The next section will focus on your Outer Skills and include
• Identifying the Crucial Mistakes 99% of Guys make that cause them to get Rejected
• Mastering the Six Keys to creating an incredible First Impression
• The Top Ways to Demonstrate Instant Attraction
• How to instantly Create a Connection with Somebody New
• The 5 Skills needed to Form a Successful Relationship

Over both nights of our Boot-camp, we go out in bars and put our teachings into practice. Our instructors will demonstrate exactly how to approach and create attraction with any girl you choose. This will really accelerate your learning as you will be able to observe all the different aspects of a successful approach, such as Body Language, Posture as well as conversational dynamics.

Later that night, we will encourage you to approach any girls you are attracted to and start up a conversation…after a while you will begin to become aware of the social situation and will start to realize when you are building attraction and recognize the tools that allow you to achieve this. Our Kama Instructors will observe your interactions over the course of a night, and give you solid, practical, and usable feedback.

It’s all about having fun and as you begin to use some of the tools we have given you will be amazed at the change in reactions by those you are talking too and this will raise your confidence sky high…The System is something we all follow – and consists of a structure and set of powerful techniques and principles. This is something we all share. However, the style of each individual instructor is unique to him, as yours should be unique to you…

We do not want you to Change

We simply want you to grow, evolve and develop your personality. Over the two nights, you will begin to notice yourself integrating new elements into your style and personality. By the end of the program, you should know exactly where you are succeeding and failing, and we will tailor your approach to succeed every time.

After our Bootcamp, you will see a huge development in your social skills.

And this will attract more women into your life or help you find that perfect person and the rest is up to you.

So as you are reading this now, just ask yourself is this something you could see yourself doing?

Regards,

Stephen Nolan

Email – Info@kamalifestyles.com

To sign up visit our website at  http://www.kamalifestyles.com

PS. Visit our website Kama Lifestyles and you will see

• Videos of us teaching in the Seminars
• Videos of us in the bars at night teaching the students
• Testimonial videos from people who have taken our trainings

And much much more!

Remember we offer a GENUINE 100% MONEY BACK GUARANTEE if you are not completely satisfied with the Bootcamp!

To learn how to attract women and get a date with any women you choose sign up for one of our bootcamps