JOE’s relationship and dating expert Stephen Nolan explains the alpha male, his qualities and the traits women look for.

Most men spend their lives seeking ways to validate themselves and attempt to fulfil a desire of being liked. Once you disregard this need, the quality of your life will skyrocket and you will become a much happier, more centred person.

Members of your family and your friends will be far happier in your company, and you will have a greater influence on them and allow them to feel better about themselves and to do better at the important things in their lives.

If you develop the following traits in yourself, then your success with women will hit a whole new level. A true alpha male is somebody who likes and accepts themselves unconditionally and has very high self-esteem. When you display the following alpha traits, people look up to you and respect and admire you.

• Charisma – This can be defined as a personal attractiveness or interestingness that enables you to influence others.

• Enthusiasm – An alpha male is enthusiastic about life. When you are enthusiastic and excited about what you are doing, when you are totally committed to achieving something worthwhile, you radiate positive energy and people are drawn to you.

• Confidence – If there is one quality that every Alpha Male has in common its sheer, absolute, unflappable, masculine Confidence.

• Sense of Purpose – Alpha Males have clear goals and visions and know exactly where they are going in life. The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life.

• Sense of Humour – One supreme pleasure that spans all people is laughter. Ask any woman what qualities she looks for in a guy and at the top of the list will be a sense of humour.

• Generosity – To put it simply, if you really want to be an alpha male you’ve got to give. You’ve got to give people pleasure, make people feel good, give people a reason to be near you, give guys a reason to wish they were you, give women a desire to have you; you’ve got to give and give and give.

• Self-reliant- Self-reliance is a trait that every alpha male possesses. A self-reliant person is one who is more active, independent, creative, competent and spontaneous.

• Honesty - This is another important alpha quality. Honesty is a vital link in the ecosystem of life, on which everything either directly or indirectly depends.

• Unreactive – This is one of the key alpha elements. Being unreactive is all about setting your own standards, instead of trying to match up to other people’s standards all the time. When you are trying to match up to other peoples ideals, you are living in reaction.

• Self-discipline – To achieve success in any area, one needs to have will power and self discipline. It absolutely must be developed in order to succeed.

• Ability to Achieve Results – To put it simply, an alpha male is a high achiever. What results have you achieved so far in your life?

• Appearance – An alpha male always strives to look his personal best. There’s nothing unmanly about wanting to look good. Grooming not only improves your confidence, but of course your looks as well.

On your journey to become an alpha male, you will become a leader of your own life. Leadership is vital in moving the relationship in new directions, increasing its depth and dimension.

As well as appearing in “Battle of the Sexes” as a dating coach, Stephen Nolan has also featured on TV3 speaking on the success of the Kama Lifestyles courses.

He has also been featured in many of Ireland’s leading newspapers, including the Irish Times, the Sunday Tribune, Evening Herald for his work with dating coaching and relationship management. He has also spoken on RTE Radio One, 2Fm, Beat 102, South East Radio, Phantom Fm, WLRFM, Dublin’s Q102 and 4FM.

For more tips and advice visit www.kamalifestyles.com

“Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it” – Jane Thompson.

JOE’s dating expert Stephen Nolan tells why smiling is so important for pulling women and how to get good at it.

Of all the things you do when you approach somebody new, your smile is the most important.

Happiness is often the motivating cause of a smile and if you approach a group while smiling, you will come across as relaxed, confident and fun. Also, most smiles are started by another smile as whatever you project to a person emotionally; they will generally project it back to you.

Thus, if you can succeed in getting the group to smile and laugh in the first few seconds with you then you have successfully started the interaction and have made everybody in the group feel good.

By smiling, you will also have a positive effect on your own psychology. Many people feel that if you smile you are letting your guard down and it takes some of your power away. While smiling does show a little vulnerability, that makes it even more effective and powerful.

Positive

The world always appears to be brighter when you smile. You will begin to think more positively and it will really help to put you in state. If you are having trouble smiling or you are simply not in a good mood, try laughing as this will easily transition into a smile. Picture something that made you laugh hysterically and that memory will help fuel a full blown smile.

Not just any smile will do. You need to learn how to develop a genuine, infectious smile that can make people like you the moment they meet you and cause every group you approach to welcome you. Learn to develop your smile. You don’t need perfect teeth to achieve a fantastic smile but they certainly do help.

Keep your teeth clean. Regularly brushing your teeth and making sure your breath is fresh are some prerequisites to a good smile. If your teeth are less than white, get them cleaned or professionally polished.

Use your eyes to smile. People are only starting to finally realise that the eyes may actually be more essential to a warm, genuine smile than smiling with your mouth. To smile with your eyes, you slightly raise your cheekbones and lower your eyebrows, to give your eyes that twinkling effect.

Practice

To become good at smiling with your eyes, practice smiling in front of a mirror, concentrating only on your eyes. Cover your mouth with your hand so you can only see your eyes. Practice smiling with your mouth only and your eyes only. Soon you will become aware of the muscles used to make your eyes smile and begin to use them every time you smile.

The secret is to approach while the smile is already on your lips and twinkling in your eyes before you make eye contact. It will seem natural when it is conveyed as how you are and not as something you do.

If you open the group, make eye contact and then smile, you may come across as awkward and fake. The person will feel uncomfortable and you will not come across as a confident, fun guy but rather as somebody who has put her on the spot. If you approach and you are already smiling or laughing, and you suddenly catch a person’s eye, they will return your smile as, just like yawning, smiles are contagious.

As well as JOE.ie’s dating expert Stephen has appeared in “Battle of the Sexes” as a dating coach and has featured on TV3 speaking on the success of Kama Lifestyles courses.

He has also been featured in many of Ireland’s leading newspapers, including the Irish Times, the Sunday Tribune, Evening Herald for his work with dating coaching and relationship management. He has also spoken on RTE Radio One, 2Fm, Beat 102, South East Radio, Phantom Fm, WLRFM, Dublin’s Q102 and 4FM.

For more tips and advice visit www.kamalifestyles.com

Next up was a spot of horrifying-yet-probably-necessary-given-the-circumstances role playing. We stood in groups pretending to be girls while a student strutted jauntily past, casually remarking on our beauty before stopping to chit-chat.

Points of possible improvement were dished out but there was little time to digest them – because it was time to hit the mean streets of Temple Bar to put them to work on the heel-wearing half of its populace.

Stephen explained what would happen next as we worked our way through the throngs of people still in the early stages of drunkenness. We would go into as many bars as we could and approach as many women as possible.

The Temple Bar itself was chosen as our first venue and as we pushed through the masses of predominantly non-Irish punters, Stephen was already clicking into gear – smiling and firing casual comments at groups of girls. “We’ll come back to them later,” he said after a brief chat with some English 20-somethings.

Myself, Stephen and the small, angry foreign chap found ourselves in the smoking area with a group of girls standing opposite.

With the rest of the group trailing behind and the bar packed to the rafters, it was only a matter of time before we started to separate. As it happened, myself, Stephen and the small, angry foreign chap found ourselves in the smoking area with a group of girls standing opposite.

The principle of participatory journalism dictates that all things must be tried when on the job, so when Stephen nodded towards them, I had no choice other than to dive headlong into the fray.

As it turned out, we were actually dealing with two pairs of girls so while Stephen concentrated his efforts on one duo, I had a crack at another. Among other things we were told that standing in a confident manner, maintaining eye contact and smiling a lot were key.

It was to some degree a statement of the obvious, but it struck me that for the more socially awkward man, doing these three things properly could be a revelation.

Fortunate

I was fortunate to discover that the girls I landed in front of were friendly sorts who were happy to chat away with a random stranger. By a further stroke of luck, one of them worked next to the obscure housing estate in far flung county Dublin I grew up in – so I focused my attentions on her.

Other than a concerned, whispered question as to whether I had come here with the strange, swarthy, down-cast little man that hovered at the fringes of our conversation, the banter flowed harmlessly along.

I noticed at one point that I was being watched by my fellow travellers so, although I had only met the girls 10 minutes previously, I decided to chance my arm and see if I could get a number before we moved on. Sadly, Ciara informed me that she was seeing somebody. The thought of being knocked back in full view of the boys spurred me on to hazard a bold move so I turned to her blonde bombshell friend Niamh.

“Looks like you’ll have to give me your number instead so,” I said, grinning outwardly while dying on the inside.

“I’m not giving you my number after you asked my friend first!” she replied.

“The only reason I asked her first is because she works around the corner from me. I had nothing to put between the two of you. She’s just more convenient.”

The bare-faced cheek of the remark won the day and I came away with a number.

“Don’t worry about it lads,” I said with jutting chin and puffed chest to one of the students who hadn’t fared as well. “I’ll be kicking off my own seminars soon.”

The sheer volume of approaches meant more numbers were gathered, but there was also no shortage of that belittling, dismissive, frosty glare only Irish women can muster.

The rest of the evening was spent literally drag trawling bar after bar, approaching all the best looking women in each venue. I was no stranger to going on the pull, but it was normally a fairly free-range affair. This was full-blown battery farm.

The sheer volume of approaches meant more numbers were gathered, but there was also no shortage of that belittling, dismissive, frosty glare only Irish women can muster.

Overall, though, the exercise was enjoyable and promptly eradicated any approach anxiety I might have had about marching up to the best looking girl in a bar stone cold sober and talking bullshit at her until I got her number.

The other students seemed to warm into it too. A body can only pump out the required amount of adrenaline needed to cripple a man with anxiety for so long – keep your head in the mouth of a crocodile for long enough and, eventually, you’ll relax. So it proved with the students who by the end were clearly suffering less from girl-related terror than they had been when the evening kicked off.

Lady Killer

Some argue that any man can develop into a lady killer thorough diligent application of the type of knowledge imparted at events like the one I popped along to. Sadly, I don’t think this isn’t the case – it’s written in the stars that some people are destined to struggle.

That said, unless you’re rich, famous or embarrassingly handsome, not every girl will fall into your arms. Happily, this stuff is capable of helping any of us keep the number of women who don’t to a bare minimum.

This week, JOE’s dating and relationship expert Stephen Nolan tells us how to visualise a successful result before we make contact with that beautiful woman.

Visualisation is one of the most natural human experiences and each of us practices it every day. Every time we daydream or see images in our mind we are visualising.

When we consciously choose our thoughts, we are practicing the visualisation technique. Most people simply do it naturally and do not realise that if they actually controlled what they think, then they could be far more successful in attracting women.

Focus

Positive visualisation can be one of the best ways to take advantage of the power of our subconscious mind. Seeing yourself already achieving your goal makes your brain believe that attaining that goal is possible. In short, focus brings the goal closer to you.

Each of us possesses the ultimate tool for attracting the women we truly desire. What is the secret? Simple – it’s our positive thoughts. But how do you master visualisation so that you can use it as a tool to quickly and easily get into the correct frame of mind when you want to approach somebody new and create a connection?

The answer is the mental slideshow. We do this in two steps.

Scenario

Imagine you have just arrived in a bar and there is a beautiful woman standing at the counter. You feel the anxiety and you try to visualise yourself going over, introducing yourself and completely captivating her with your presence.

However, for some reason, you just can’t see it in your mind. You then give up on yourself or the visualisation technique and just go to the bar and order a drink. Later that night, you look for another technique on the internet.

To avoid this situation, it is better to first delve into your own positive memories before attempting to construct a new visualisation. One of the best ways to program our subconscious in a positive way is to spend time visualising our positive memories first.

Simply remember a time when you felt fantastic and everything seemed to go right. For the situation above, choose a time when you approached somebody and it went amazingly well. Visualize the memory in as much detail as possible in your mind and really feel those emotions. If there were a few nights like this, then picture each one of them.

Spend as much time as you like on each image. The best way to know if you are doing it right is to consult your emotions. If your emotions are positive, you are on the right track. Really concentrate on it.

Concentration involves a focusing of the attention so that one’s entire field of attention is thrown into whatever it is that one is doing. After a while, you will start to feel great and you will feel your emotions begin to rise. At this point, switch your focus to the woman you want to approach and see how much your powers of visualisation have improved.

Step One

Access successful memories from the past, when you felt yourself to be charismatic and excellent.

Step Two

Visualise the intended approach and really see yourself as amazingly charismatic and getting the same responses as in the memories.

Emotion

By creating a mental slideshow in your mind of your good moments, you will easily be able to change your state. The more you access these memories, the better you will get and the quicker you will be able to change state. The key is emotion.

The more emotion you exude, the stronger your state will be and the better it will work. Replay it over and over, pump it up, make it feel real, and magic will happen.

Stephen Nolan has appeared in “Battle of the Sexes” as a dating coach and has featured on TV3 speaking on the success of Kama Lifestyles courses.

He has also been featured in many of Ireland’s leading newspapers, including the Irish Times, the Sunday Tribune, Evening Herald for his work with dating coaching and relationship management. He has also spoken on RTE Radio One, 2Fm, Beat 102, South East Radio, Phantom Fm, WLRFM, Dublin’s Q102 and 4FM.

For more tips and advice visit www.kamalifestyles.com

Women are competitve by nature, especially when it comes to men. JOE tells you how to make a woman jealous to reap the rewards.

By Stephen Nolan

Jealously is an incredibly powerful motivator. Anyone who has experienced the effectiveness of this will understand its value.

So many men have had women that they regarded as not sexy enough to be romantic with, only for them to immediately change their minds as soon as another guy entered the equation. Indeed, one of the fastest ways to see if a friend is a potential lover is to make them jealous and see what happens.

It’s all about creating sexual value and allowing her to see you as a man. Once you build up your sexual value in her eyes, she may very well realise that she does, in fact, have feelings for you. It is important to let the person come to their own conclusion.

Contrary to what many people think, it can also be a good idea to specifically bring up another woman or a past experience with a girl in detail.

When you meet somebody in a bar, you can create value through your stories and general conversation. You should also be touching frequently to escape the friends zone and build sexual tension.

Contrary to what many people think, it can also be a good idea to specifically bring up another woman or a past experience with a girl in detail. The next time you are in a bar, and you have created a connection with somebody, tell a story about an exciting experience that you had with your girlfriend. Go into a little detail, speak in a protective way and paint her in a good light, and she will start to see you in a very attractive light.

Mind games

You can also ask her what features she looks for in a man and once listed, she will ask you what you look for in a woman. Instead of randomly picking body parts, describe a woman you met recently and offer the vivid details of what she was like.

She will probably ask you about your relationship with her, which is an obvious attraction test. Without specifying the relationship, or even whether it’s over, give her an image of the amount of fun you had together. You can easily imply that you have an intimate relationship with her by saying the following:

“One of the best things was/is that she cooks absolutely amazing breakfast…”

Obviously if a woman is cooking you breakfast, she has more than likely spent the night with you. If you have pictures of the woman on your phone, this is even better. Do this correctly and the energy in the conversation will become electric.

The most powerful way to display your sexual value is to subtly demonstrate to her that other women are attracted to you. This is incredibly powerful and will trigger instant attraction. This is what she wants you to do. She wants you to understand how to how to trigger those powerful feelings of attraction in her.

Into action

In a bar, you can do this so simply. All you have to do is to build value with her and get to know her a little and then when you know she is attracted, simply start a conversation with another girl in front of her.

It is a fact that women feel attraction towards men in the company of other women. Women have a very competitive nature, especially when it comes to men. Once you learn how to bring out that sense of competition in a woman, you will very quickly be able to create very strong feelings of attraction.

Stephen Nolan has appeared in “Battle of the Sexes” as a dating coach and has featured on TV3 speaking on the success of Kama Lifestyles courses.

He has also been featured in many of Ireland’s leading newspapers, including the Irish Times, the Sunday Tribune, Evening Herald for his work with dating coaching and relationship management. He has also spoken on RTE Radio One, 2Fm, Beat 102, South East Radio, Phantom Fm, WLRFM, Dublin’s Q102 and 4FM.

For more tips and advice visit www.kamalifestyles.com

Many of our clients ask, where are the best places to take a girl on a date…

Alot of guys think they need to fork out alot of money when they take a girl on a first date.

Not at all! Dating should be all about unlimited fun even when on a limited budget.

There are literally a bunch of interesting things you can do with a girl that will make you stand out from all the other guys who have taken her out on typically boring dates, most likely to a bar, restraunt or cinema. It’s okay to take a girl to these places after you have dated a few times. But definitely not the best place for first dates.

With a little effort and focus you can learn to be a true master in coming up with creative date ideas!

Creative date ideas don’t necessarily have to be expensive.

Simple and Cheap Date Ideas:

COOK A MEAL TOGETHER , why not cook a meal together? It’s fun,
interactive, and interesting, and cooking together will help you
get to know each other in a whole new way. You can spice it up
complete with candles and music to enhance the mood.

Comedy clubs can be a great craic. Not every comedian will be
funny, but there are typically several comedians performing each
night so it’s unlikely they’ll all suck.

Take Her to Disney World….”ha ha Just kidding, Unless your already living in Paris then why not. But if you have a carnival in town why not for the fun of it take her on most of the rides with you, she will love you for it!

Wanna get a little bit more adventurous with your date??

Take her rock climbing. No not the outdoor type, Take her indoor rock climbing. Don’t worry if you have never done it before,  they will give you lessons anyway.

There is also, Scuba Diving, hot air balloon and helicopter ride if you can afford.

The whole idea is to do something different than what she is use to experiencing on a first date and your guaranteed to keep her interested and attracted to you.

One thing you must remember is that women love romance. So if you can come up with some creative first date ideas she won’t ever forget it!

If you have anymore creative date ideas of your own feel free to post them in the comments section below:

If you enjoyed reading this article check out Dating Guide for Men , Best-selling Guide On How master the art of Attracting Women, And Never Feel Embarrassed, Overwhelmed, Or Unsure Of Yourself Ever Again. Learn These Amazing Secrets And Attract Beautiful Women Like A Magnet.

Visit Kama Lifestyles | Dating Coach for more information.

As always, comments are welcome and encouraged. Thanks!