Byline: by Anne Gildea

RECENTLY I realised that I’ve given up on love. The last chap I fell for presented himself as available — then, surprise surprise, what I thought was a relationship was his seedy affair. After that, my hopes of a genuine monogamous relationship seemed to fade.

Before Mr Cheat there was Mr Internet Dating. He had many of the qualities I look for — he was tall, handsome, intelligent, worldly, well-travelled. So many qualities, indeed, that it was obvious I was never going to be his priority. I let that situation drag on for several years before I decided, actually, being a priority does matter — even if the guy is almost perfect. Before him I dated Mr Amsterdam. The trouble with seeing someone who lives in another country is that they live in another country. Again, it took a few years for that to hit home. Before him was Mr Terribly Nice — nice to the point of not being attractive. But his niceness was a tonic, when compared with his predecessors, Mr Alcohol and Mr Drug User.

So, three years ago, after the last heartbreak, I gave up. I was afraid of being hurt again. I’m 43 with a great life and my own home, I didn’t honestly feel like I needed to bother.

And it’s not like it’s easy to meet new men anyway. I’m out of practice and many of my buddies are paired off. Now my social life mostly consists of going to the cinema or having pints or dinner with friends.

That’s not how it used to be. I used to love clubbing. One Saturday recently, I went out dancing with a friend. Big mistake.

I felt like Granny Gildea getting down with ‘de yoot’. This is still, despite our so-called liberalism, a conservative country. When you’re in your forties, you’re meant to be at home with your kids and hubby, not out on the town.

At weekends, Dublin city centre is overrun with bimbos in short skirts. It seems, in some places at least, to be a necessity to get a man’s attention. The scene is boozy, ugly, it lacks any finesse, and it feels as if there’s no place for someone like me.

So where do I go to meet men? And what do I do? I’ve always been a terrible flirt. I need some help — professional help — in the form of ‘dating training company’, Kama Lifestyles.

‘Our dating coaches will show you the rules of dating, from how to approach, meet and attract any person you choose, and create successful relationships,’ say UCD graduate and Wexford hurler Stephen Nolan and Turkish entrepreneur and life coach Emre Ilkme, founders of the dating company.

The pair of tall, handsome, confident charmers have agreed to put me through a bespoke coaching session, a two-hour theory lesson, followed by two hours of ‘in-field’ training.

To begin, Emre goes through the basics: ‘Guys are visual, so look nice. Be assertive, it’s sexy. Play with your hair. Smile.’ I half take in it, but what I’m really interested in is the next bit — The Method.

‘The two crucial ingredients in getting the relationship you want are confidence and connection,’ says Stephen. ‘You need the confidence to make the initial contact, and the ability to connect so you can move things forward.’ That means spotting a target in a bar, and moving in. I feel nauseous just thinking about going up to someone in a bar and instigating chit chat because I’m actually attracted to them. They diagnose me with AA — approach anxiety.

‘You have limiting beliefs,’ Emre says.

‘We can change that.’ Stephen tells me I need to ‘look available’.

‘Stand on your own or with one other woman,’ he says. ‘Make sure you’re in the traffic lane where people are going by. If a cute guy walks by, smile at him and say hi. Women never do this and it’s so simple and effective,’ he adds.

‘Men will usually approach in groups. If two guys come up, touch only the guy you’re attracted to, to give clear attraction signals. The only exception to this rule is a handshake.’ I learn that once you’ve spotted your prey you ‘get yourself into proximity to the target’. Once in position, as it were, you hunt or wait to be hunted.

If you wait, you need to play an ‘attraction gambit’, like repeated eye contact ‘beyond the point which is comfortable’ or flicking your hair.

If you don’t, you need to make an approach and think of an opener. Openers, it turns out, fall into two camps — the direct or the situational.

A direct opener is ‘Hi, I like your shoes’. Situational would be ‘That guy over there looks likes Bono’.

Cringe. All the while, you have to watch out for SOI and SOD, signs of interest and disinterest. Signs of disinterest include darting eyes, a fake smile, feet pointing away and closed body language.

The final stage is Isolation. ‘You need to isolate the guy to get to the next level,’ says Emre, explaining how this involves corralling him away from his tribe so you can get his number.

After two hours of coaching, we move into the field. Outside the Westbury Hotel Emre spots a potential group.

‘Which of the guys over there do you find most attractive?’ he asks.

‘The one in the V-neck I suppose,’ I reply. He’s tall, good-looking and intimidating.

‘Come on so,’ he says. I panic. I can’t see how I’m going to start a chat with this guy. He’s already engrossed in conversation with a woman.

Plus the group — they appear to be American — seem totally closed off.

‘We’re going to walk over beside them, I’m going to tell you I like your jacket, and ask you where you got it. Then I want you to turn to him and ask him if he likes your jacket,’ Emre explains.

I’m shaking.

‘You can,’ he argues. A can/can’t exchange ensues, until he gently takes my arm and says: ‘Let’s do it.’ We walk straight over to the group, Emresays his bit, but I can’t play along. They give us the ‘what-the-hell-areyou-doing’ look. I am mortified. Meanwhile, Stephen has moved around the other side of the group and is chatting away. Next thing I know, he’s introducing me to the man beside Mr V-neck. Then Stephen leaves.

After a couple of moments regaining my composure, I settle.

I end up having a lovely chat with a Californian businessman here for a conference.

Mr California loves Ireland, thinks Obama will be re-elected and that the U.S. is in economic recovery. Better still, while we’re chatting I notice Mr V-neck eyeing me up.

I am in my element. And then I’m whisked away. ‘Anne,’ Emre calls, ‘we’re going now.’ I say goodbye to Mr California and Mr V-neck.

Although I gave up smoking years ago, I’m forced to light up a cigarette to calm my nerves after the shock of being thrown into that situation.

And as much as I enjoyed it, I notice that I’m still shaking.

Next we’re off to The Bank bar on Dame Street. Stephen breaks the ice with my second ‘approach’, Mr Rather-Staid-and-Boring-Bavarian. But he’s practice. We chat for ten minutes — I’m not drinking, he’s finishing a pint.

Once I suppress the notion that he might think I’m some kind of loon, it’s quite an easy, casual chat. And it’s me who ends it.

Next target. I settle on two cute 20-somethings. I saunter up and ask one where he got his T-shirt. He’s flattered.

The three of us get a laugh out of his answer, ‘Blanchardstown Shopping Centre’.

Soon, we’re having a lovely chat. They’re German and working in the IT industry here. When Emre appears again saying we have to move onto our next venue, Mr T-shirt and Mr T-shirt’s friend are disappointed. I’ve just had a successful flirt with two young guys.

Do I feel good? Do I need to answer that? I haven’t felt this way for, well, ages. I thought these kind of situations were a thing of the past.

I’m feeling more attractive than I have in 20 years. Our next venue is the Temple Bar. I scan the place, and choose the most attractive men I see. This time my opener is ‘Are you tourists?’.

Bland, yes, but who cares? It works. I end up nattering to two Turkish businessmen. They give me lots of SOI — open body language, smiles and laughter. They even offer to buy me a drink but I decline. This is, after all, a professional mission.

I can’t help noticing that none of the guys I’ve met are Irish. An American friend of mine thinks Irish men can be uncomfortable chatting to a woman.

She believes that if they like a woman, they’re immediately thinking about getting her into bed, and that they’ve little genuine interest in a woman’s company. I think there’s a little truth to that. Maybe that’s why I enjoyed not meeting any natives this evening.

By the end of the night I feel like I’ve discovered a secret power. The experience was less about finding Mr Right and more about learning how to find Mr Right.

As Stephen said earlier while we were discussing the approach theory: ‘Eventually you’ll just start to see strangers as friends you haven’t met yet.’ So cheesy, but so true.

I would never have ‘approached’ a stranger I fancied before. Emre and Stephen suggest that if you what to meet someone, you should be ‘approaching’ all the time, in any situation. I feel my tutorial has shown me how it’s possible to do that, and given me the confidence to have a go. In that regard, it’s been life changing.

The following night I’m out in the pub with a bunch of girlfriends, telling them about the experience. ‘Okay, show us your new skills — pick a guy and go for it,’ they say.

‘Erm, not tonight I’m wrecked,’ I say, truthfully. And I will. I find myself scanning the room, noting who I like, and visualising approaching them. This is the way I look at the world now. The pub has become my smorgasbord, and I shall feast upon it.

It’s a whole new me…

JOE’s relationship and dating expert Stephen Nolan explains the alpha male, his qualities and the traits women look for.

Most men spend their lives seeking ways to validate themselves and attempt to fulfil a desire of being liked. Once you disregard this need, the quality of your life will skyrocket and you will become a much happier, more centred person.

Members of your family and your friends will be far happier in your company, and you will have a greater influence on them and allow them to feel better about themselves and to do better at the important things in their lives.

If you develop the following traits in yourself, then your success with women will hit a whole new level. A true alpha male is somebody who likes and accepts themselves unconditionally and has very high self-esteem. When you display the following alpha traits, people look up to you and respect and admire you.

• Charisma – This can be defined as a personal attractiveness or interestingness that enables you to influence others.

• Enthusiasm – An alpha male is enthusiastic about life. When you are enthusiastic and excited about what you are doing, when you are totally committed to achieving something worthwhile, you radiate positive energy and people are drawn to you.

• Confidence – If there is one quality that every Alpha Male has in common its sheer, absolute, unflappable, masculine Confidence.

• Sense of Purpose – Alpha Males have clear goals and visions and know exactly where they are going in life. The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life.

• Sense of Humour – One supreme pleasure that spans all people is laughter. Ask any woman what qualities she looks for in a guy and at the top of the list will be a sense of humour.

• Generosity – To put it simply, if you really want to be an alpha male you’ve got to give. You’ve got to give people pleasure, make people feel good, give people a reason to be near you, give guys a reason to wish they were you, give women a desire to have you; you’ve got to give and give and give.

• Self-reliant- Self-reliance is a trait that every alpha male possesses. A self-reliant person is one who is more active, independent, creative, competent and spontaneous.

• Honesty - This is another important alpha quality. Honesty is a vital link in the ecosystem of life, on which everything either directly or indirectly depends.

• Unreactive – This is one of the key alpha elements. Being unreactive is all about setting your own standards, instead of trying to match up to other people’s standards all the time. When you are trying to match up to other peoples ideals, you are living in reaction.

• Self-discipline – To achieve success in any area, one needs to have will power and self discipline. It absolutely must be developed in order to succeed.

• Ability to Achieve Results – To put it simply, an alpha male is a high achiever. What results have you achieved so far in your life?

• Appearance – An alpha male always strives to look his personal best. There’s nothing unmanly about wanting to look good. Grooming not only improves your confidence, but of course your looks as well.

On your journey to become an alpha male, you will become a leader of your own life. Leadership is vital in moving the relationship in new directions, increasing its depth and dimension.

As well as appearing in “Battle of the Sexes” as a dating coach, Stephen Nolan has also featured on TV3 speaking on the success of the Kama Lifestyles courses.

He has also been featured in many of Ireland’s leading newspapers, including the Irish Times, the Sunday Tribune, Evening Herald for his work with dating coaching and relationship management. He has also spoken on RTE Radio One, 2Fm, Beat 102, South East Radio, Phantom Fm, WLRFM, Dublin’s Q102 and 4FM.

For more tips and advice visit www.kamalifestyles.com

“Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it” – Jane Thompson.

JOE’s dating expert Stephen Nolan tells why smiling is so important for pulling women and how to get good at it.

Of all the things you do when you approach somebody new, your smile is the most important.

Happiness is often the motivating cause of a smile and if you approach a group while smiling, you will come across as relaxed, confident and fun. Also, most smiles are started by another smile as whatever you project to a person emotionally; they will generally project it back to you.

Thus, if you can succeed in getting the group to smile and laugh in the first few seconds with you then you have successfully started the interaction and have made everybody in the group feel good.

By smiling, you will also have a positive effect on your own psychology. Many people feel that if you smile you are letting your guard down and it takes some of your power away. While smiling does show a little vulnerability, that makes it even more effective and powerful.

Positive

The world always appears to be brighter when you smile. You will begin to think more positively and it will really help to put you in state. If you are having trouble smiling or you are simply not in a good mood, try laughing as this will easily transition into a smile. Picture something that made you laugh hysterically and that memory will help fuel a full blown smile.

Not just any smile will do. You need to learn how to develop a genuine, infectious smile that can make people like you the moment they meet you and cause every group you approach to welcome you. Learn to develop your smile. You don’t need perfect teeth to achieve a fantastic smile but they certainly do help.

Keep your teeth clean. Regularly brushing your teeth and making sure your breath is fresh are some prerequisites to a good smile. If your teeth are less than white, get them cleaned or professionally polished.

Use your eyes to smile. People are only starting to finally realise that the eyes may actually be more essential to a warm, genuine smile than smiling with your mouth. To smile with your eyes, you slightly raise your cheekbones and lower your eyebrows, to give your eyes that twinkling effect.

Practice

To become good at smiling with your eyes, practice smiling in front of a mirror, concentrating only on your eyes. Cover your mouth with your hand so you can only see your eyes. Practice smiling with your mouth only and your eyes only. Soon you will become aware of the muscles used to make your eyes smile and begin to use them every time you smile.

The secret is to approach while the smile is already on your lips and twinkling in your eyes before you make eye contact. It will seem natural when it is conveyed as how you are and not as something you do.

If you open the group, make eye contact and then smile, you may come across as awkward and fake. The person will feel uncomfortable and you will not come across as a confident, fun guy but rather as somebody who has put her on the spot. If you approach and you are already smiling or laughing, and you suddenly catch a person’s eye, they will return your smile as, just like yawning, smiles are contagious.

As well as JOE.ie’s dating expert Stephen has appeared in “Battle of the Sexes” as a dating coach and has featured on TV3 speaking on the success of Kama Lifestyles courses.

He has also been featured in many of Ireland’s leading newspapers, including the Irish Times, the Sunday Tribune, Evening Herald for his work with dating coaching and relationship management. He has also spoken on RTE Radio One, 2Fm, Beat 102, South East Radio, Phantom Fm, WLRFM, Dublin’s Q102 and 4FM.

For more tips and advice visit www.kamalifestyles.com

Next up was a spot of horrifying-yet-probably-necessary-given-the-circumstances role playing. We stood in groups pretending to be girls while a student strutted jauntily past, casually remarking on our beauty before stopping to chit-chat.

Points of possible improvement were dished out but there was little time to digest them – because it was time to hit the mean streets of Temple Bar to put them to work on the heel-wearing half of its populace.

Stephen explained what would happen next as we worked our way through the throngs of people still in the early stages of drunkenness. We would go into as many bars as we could and approach as many women as possible.

The Temple Bar itself was chosen as our first venue and as we pushed through the masses of predominantly non-Irish punters, Stephen was already clicking into gear – smiling and firing casual comments at groups of girls. “We’ll come back to them later,” he said after a brief chat with some English 20-somethings.

Myself, Stephen and the small, angry foreign chap found ourselves in the smoking area with a group of girls standing opposite.

With the rest of the group trailing behind and the bar packed to the rafters, it was only a matter of time before we started to separate. As it happened, myself, Stephen and the small, angry foreign chap found ourselves in the smoking area with a group of girls standing opposite.

The principle of participatory journalism dictates that all things must be tried when on the job, so when Stephen nodded towards them, I had no choice other than to dive headlong into the fray.

As it turned out, we were actually dealing with two pairs of girls so while Stephen concentrated his efforts on one duo, I had a crack at another. Among other things we were told that standing in a confident manner, maintaining eye contact and smiling a lot were key.

It was to some degree a statement of the obvious, but it struck me that for the more socially awkward man, doing these three things properly could be a revelation.

Fortunate

I was fortunate to discover that the girls I landed in front of were friendly sorts who were happy to chat away with a random stranger. By a further stroke of luck, one of them worked next to the obscure housing estate in far flung county Dublin I grew up in – so I focused my attentions on her.

Other than a concerned, whispered question as to whether I had come here with the strange, swarthy, down-cast little man that hovered at the fringes of our conversation, the banter flowed harmlessly along.

I noticed at one point that I was being watched by my fellow travellers so, although I had only met the girls 10 minutes previously, I decided to chance my arm and see if I could get a number before we moved on. Sadly, Ciara informed me that she was seeing somebody. The thought of being knocked back in full view of the boys spurred me on to hazard a bold move so I turned to her blonde bombshell friend Niamh.

“Looks like you’ll have to give me your number instead so,” I said, grinning outwardly while dying on the inside.

“I’m not giving you my number after you asked my friend first!” she replied.

“The only reason I asked her first is because she works around the corner from me. I had nothing to put between the two of you. She’s just more convenient.”

The bare-faced cheek of the remark won the day and I came away with a number.

“Don’t worry about it lads,” I said with jutting chin and puffed chest to one of the students who hadn’t fared as well. “I’ll be kicking off my own seminars soon.”

The sheer volume of approaches meant more numbers were gathered, but there was also no shortage of that belittling, dismissive, frosty glare only Irish women can muster.

The rest of the evening was spent literally drag trawling bar after bar, approaching all the best looking women in each venue. I was no stranger to going on the pull, but it was normally a fairly free-range affair. This was full-blown battery farm.

The sheer volume of approaches meant more numbers were gathered, but there was also no shortage of that belittling, dismissive, frosty glare only Irish women can muster.

Overall, though, the exercise was enjoyable and promptly eradicated any approach anxiety I might have had about marching up to the best looking girl in a bar stone cold sober and talking bullshit at her until I got her number.

The other students seemed to warm into it too. A body can only pump out the required amount of adrenaline needed to cripple a man with anxiety for so long – keep your head in the mouth of a crocodile for long enough and, eventually, you’ll relax. So it proved with the students who by the end were clearly suffering less from girl-related terror than they had been when the evening kicked off.

Lady Killer

Some argue that any man can develop into a lady killer thorough diligent application of the type of knowledge imparted at events like the one I popped along to. Sadly, I don’t think this isn’t the case – it’s written in the stars that some people are destined to struggle.

That said, unless you’re rich, famous or embarrassingly handsome, not every girl will fall into your arms. Happily, this stuff is capable of helping any of us keep the number of women who don’t to a bare minimum.

Shit with women? Help is here – in the form of in-field training that involves approaching real life girls and receiving feedback and pointers. But does it work? JOE went along to find out.

By Robert Carry

The thought of approaching a group of women in a bar is enough to strike terror into the heart of many a chap, but the fear of spending night after night in an empty bed before dying alone without anyone noticing until your neighbours complain of the smell, can be a great motivator. So, more and more men, with varying degrees of social fluency, are looking at how they can improve their success rate with the mysterious, wonderful, yet sometimes terrifying opposite sex.

Legions of men have been swearing by the tutorage of the likes of Neil Strauss, who shot to fame when he released The Game. The book was built around his account of his time spent honing his skills with women to the point where he was beating off beautiful celebrities with a shitty stick.

The book helped trigger a massive surge in interest in the concept that there was a body of knowledge out there that, if learned, practiced and perfected, could turn the average bloke into girl heroin. However, there is only so much to be learned from books and demand for face-to-face guidance birthed a string of companies offering to help students of the discipline.

Sociology

Kama Lifestyles, headed by psychology and sociology graduate Stephen Nolan, has come to be seen as the leading light here in Ireland. The firm offers one-on-one training, seminars and boot-camps. However, they also operate field trips that involve taking students out, showing them how to approach women, watching them give it a crack and then giving advice based on performance.

JOE journalists live under a constant state of siege with overly amorous women attempting to sexually assault us every time we leave the office to get a breakfast roll from the garage. We don’t even pay most of them. Nonetheless, one of us (that’ll be me) was given the opportunity to go along to a Kama Lifestyles event to see if there wasn’t a tip or two we could pick up and share with the world.

The event began with a two-hour seminar in the Temple Bar Hotel, at which Stephen and fellow tutor Emre took the floor. The students in attendance were very much a mixed bag. One bloke was friendly, well-turned out, of sound mind and body, and free of any visible flaws that might prove fatal when approaching a group of women.

At the other end of the scale was a diminutive, aimlessly aggressive, bizarrely dressed lad equipped with a poor standard of English. Talking to English-speaking women with crap English might prove problematic, I imagined.

They kicked off by showing secretly filmed footage of the duo working their way into groups of women before coming away with a number.

The seminar was well put together and the tutors had a clear view of what they hoped to achieve with the students during the evening. It kicked off with guidelines on how to deal with the most difficult part of getting yourself a girlfriend/companion for the evening – the approach.

Understandably, the pair were eager to demonstrate the fact that they were not aiming to teach anything that they were not capable of doing themselves, so they kicked off by showing secretly filmed footage of the duo working their way into groups of women before coming away with a number.

The interactions looked at first to be casual affairs but once broken down were actually made up of a sequence of slavishly practiced techniques. In other words, the pair was not relying on any natural attraction that may or may not occur – they were winning digits through a skill set that could be learned. Theoretically, by anyone.

Click here to find out what happened when JOE hit the streets >>>

This week, JOE’s dating and relationship expert Stephen Nolan tells us how to visualise a successful result before we make contact with that beautiful woman.

Visualisation is one of the most natural human experiences and each of us practices it every day. Every time we daydream or see images in our mind we are visualising.

When we consciously choose our thoughts, we are practicing the visualisation technique. Most people simply do it naturally and do not realise that if they actually controlled what they think, then they could be far more successful in attracting women.

Focus

Positive visualisation can be one of the best ways to take advantage of the power of our subconscious mind. Seeing yourself already achieving your goal makes your brain believe that attaining that goal is possible. In short, focus brings the goal closer to you.

Each of us possesses the ultimate tool for attracting the women we truly desire. What is the secret? Simple – it’s our positive thoughts. But how do you master visualisation so that you can use it as a tool to quickly and easily get into the correct frame of mind when you want to approach somebody new and create a connection?

The answer is the mental slideshow. We do this in two steps.

Scenario

Imagine you have just arrived in a bar and there is a beautiful woman standing at the counter. You feel the anxiety and you try to visualise yourself going over, introducing yourself and completely captivating her with your presence.

However, for some reason, you just can’t see it in your mind. You then give up on yourself or the visualisation technique and just go to the bar and order a drink. Later that night, you look for another technique on the internet.

To avoid this situation, it is better to first delve into your own positive memories before attempting to construct a new visualisation. One of the best ways to program our subconscious in a positive way is to spend time visualising our positive memories first.

Simply remember a time when you felt fantastic and everything seemed to go right. For the situation above, choose a time when you approached somebody and it went amazingly well. Visualize the memory in as much detail as possible in your mind and really feel those emotions. If there were a few nights like this, then picture each one of them.

Spend as much time as you like on each image. The best way to know if you are doing it right is to consult your emotions. If your emotions are positive, you are on the right track. Really concentrate on it.

Concentration involves a focusing of the attention so that one’s entire field of attention is thrown into whatever it is that one is doing. After a while, you will start to feel great and you will feel your emotions begin to rise. At this point, switch your focus to the woman you want to approach and see how much your powers of visualisation have improved.

Step One

Access successful memories from the past, when you felt yourself to be charismatic and excellent.

Step Two

Visualise the intended approach and really see yourself as amazingly charismatic and getting the same responses as in the memories.

Emotion

By creating a mental slideshow in your mind of your good moments, you will easily be able to change your state. The more you access these memories, the better you will get and the quicker you will be able to change state. The key is emotion.

The more emotion you exude, the stronger your state will be and the better it will work. Replay it over and over, pump it up, make it feel real, and magic will happen.

Stephen Nolan has appeared in “Battle of the Sexes” as a dating coach and has featured on TV3 speaking on the success of Kama Lifestyles courses.

He has also been featured in many of Ireland’s leading newspapers, including the Irish Times, the Sunday Tribune, Evening Herald for his work with dating coaching and relationship management. He has also spoken on RTE Radio One, 2Fm, Beat 102, South East Radio, Phantom Fm, WLRFM, Dublin’s Q102 and 4FM.

For more tips and advice visit www.kamalifestyles.com

Women are competitve by nature, especially when it comes to men. JOE tells you how to make a woman jealous to reap the rewards.

By Stephen Nolan

Jealously is an incredibly powerful motivator. Anyone who has experienced the effectiveness of this will understand its value.

So many men have had women that they regarded as not sexy enough to be romantic with, only for them to immediately change their minds as soon as another guy entered the equation. Indeed, one of the fastest ways to see if a friend is a potential lover is to make them jealous and see what happens.

It’s all about creating sexual value and allowing her to see you as a man. Once you build up your sexual value in her eyes, she may very well realise that she does, in fact, have feelings for you. It is important to let the person come to their own conclusion.

Contrary to what many people think, it can also be a good idea to specifically bring up another woman or a past experience with a girl in detail.

When you meet somebody in a bar, you can create value through your stories and general conversation. You should also be touching frequently to escape the friends zone and build sexual tension.

Contrary to what many people think, it can also be a good idea to specifically bring up another woman or a past experience with a girl in detail. The next time you are in a bar, and you have created a connection with somebody, tell a story about an exciting experience that you had with your girlfriend. Go into a little detail, speak in a protective way and paint her in a good light, and she will start to see you in a very attractive light.

Mind games

You can also ask her what features she looks for in a man and once listed, she will ask you what you look for in a woman. Instead of randomly picking body parts, describe a woman you met recently and offer the vivid details of what she was like.

She will probably ask you about your relationship with her, which is an obvious attraction test. Without specifying the relationship, or even whether it’s over, give her an image of the amount of fun you had together. You can easily imply that you have an intimate relationship with her by saying the following:

“One of the best things was/is that she cooks absolutely amazing breakfast…”

Obviously if a woman is cooking you breakfast, she has more than likely spent the night with you. If you have pictures of the woman on your phone, this is even better. Do this correctly and the energy in the conversation will become electric.

The most powerful way to display your sexual value is to subtly demonstrate to her that other women are attracted to you. This is incredibly powerful and will trigger instant attraction. This is what she wants you to do. She wants you to understand how to how to trigger those powerful feelings of attraction in her.

Into action

In a bar, you can do this so simply. All you have to do is to build value with her and get to know her a little and then when you know she is attracted, simply start a conversation with another girl in front of her.

It is a fact that women feel attraction towards men in the company of other women. Women have a very competitive nature, especially when it comes to men. Once you learn how to bring out that sense of competition in a woman, you will very quickly be able to create very strong feelings of attraction.

Stephen Nolan has appeared in “Battle of the Sexes” as a dating coach and has featured on TV3 speaking on the success of Kama Lifestyles courses.

He has also been featured in many of Ireland’s leading newspapers, including the Irish Times, the Sunday Tribune, Evening Herald for his work with dating coaching and relationship management. He has also spoken on RTE Radio One, 2Fm, Beat 102, South East Radio, Phantom Fm, WLRFM, Dublin’s Q102 and 4FM.

For more tips and advice visit www.kamalifestyles.com